adapted from a rant i recently emailed someone
"Yesterday is a kid in the corner"
i haven't been posting and barely use LJ anymore, but i wanted to capture my thoughts here for future pondering. i'm in a bit of a mind struggle, which i will outline below (not quite so tersely) this was the result of me telling someone if they could say they were happy, i'd be happy for them and their plans for the future.
i've always been of the mindset that we aren't "guaranteed" tomorrow so there's some merit to being happy, or actively pursuing what will make us happy now. not that i'm suggesting you recklessly abandon tomorrow, but, i guess my point is that you can never know what is going to happen... i see it as careful balance (whether you have to engineer that balance, or not, i'm not quite sure) between future planning and enjoying now. i, for one, currently am not comfortable spending my time sitting in traffic "now" for the distant promise of some satisfaction when i'm older. i guess it matters on how risk adverse someone is, what kind of sacrifice is required, your analysis on what that sacrifice is worth, and, of course, the extent of the traffic that you sit in on a daily basis (literally and figuratively).
i'm particularly struggling with motivation to work long hours now when i look out the window and see the roads i want to run/ ride on, the sun i want to bathe in, and the constant call to feel the wind at my back. maybe that will ultimately be my tragic flaw? i don't know. i just have this urgent like, innervation (?) to be out "there" now, while i'm young and capable, and not "wasting" it otherwise (and am constantly wanting to work on that capability).
i have an exceptional amount of potential, i know that, and it is not without some sort of guilt i make such confessions, but i don't know if i've ever had the motivation to be a big exec for some large corporation or even have the will power to create it (or even fake it). its a struggle. i think everyone's goal is to be happy, and i think thats the same for everyone, although i seem to be copulating a very different approach (from the typical business mindset).
i think of that song by Switchfoot... "this is your life, are you who you want to be?"
time has been going by faster and faster for me... it seems so fleeting its scary... and i just don't know if i agree with sacrificing now for some sort of ideal later. again, i struggle with it... and i suppose not being focused will waste time when i suddenly do decide what my motivation is, but i guess that's the risk i am willing to take (and thats more worth it to me than sacrificing otherwise)
i've always felt a little bit lost, even when i was sure i was finally focused and pursuing what i thought could be the "right" path for me. maybe its an underlying fear of chasing a "future" that is either unattainable or failing that plan, but either way, i don't want this white rabbit to run my life.
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now- and today is all you’ll ever have... Don’t close your eyes. This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
i haven't been posting and barely use LJ anymore, but i wanted to capture my thoughts here for future pondering. i'm in a bit of a mind struggle, which i will outline below (not quite so tersely) this was the result of me telling someone if they could say they were happy, i'd be happy for them and their plans for the future.
i've always been of the mindset that we aren't "guaranteed" tomorrow so there's some merit to being happy, or actively pursuing what will make us happy now. not that i'm suggesting you recklessly abandon tomorrow, but, i guess my point is that you can never know what is going to happen... i see it as careful balance (whether you have to engineer that balance, or not, i'm not quite sure) between future planning and enjoying now. i, for one, currently am not comfortable spending my time sitting in traffic "now" for the distant promise of some satisfaction when i'm older. i guess it matters on how risk adverse someone is, what kind of sacrifice is required, your analysis on what that sacrifice is worth, and, of course, the extent of the traffic that you sit in on a daily basis (literally and figuratively).
i'm particularly struggling with motivation to work long hours now when i look out the window and see the roads i want to run/ ride on, the sun i want to bathe in, and the constant call to feel the wind at my back. maybe that will ultimately be my tragic flaw? i don't know. i just have this urgent like, innervation (?) to be out "there" now, while i'm young and capable, and not "wasting" it otherwise (and am constantly wanting to work on that capability).
i have an exceptional amount of potential, i know that, and it is not without some sort of guilt i make such confessions, but i don't know if i've ever had the motivation to be a big exec for some large corporation or even have the will power to create it (or even fake it). its a struggle. i think everyone's goal is to be happy, and i think thats the same for everyone, although i seem to be copulating a very different approach (from the typical business mindset).
i think of that song by Switchfoot... "this is your life, are you who you want to be?"
time has been going by faster and faster for me... it seems so fleeting its scary... and i just don't know if i agree with sacrificing now for some sort of ideal later. again, i struggle with it... and i suppose not being focused will waste time when i suddenly do decide what my motivation is, but i guess that's the risk i am willing to take (and thats more worth it to me than sacrificing otherwise)
i've always felt a little bit lost, even when i was sure i was finally focused and pursuing what i thought could be the "right" path for me. maybe its an underlying fear of chasing a "future" that is either unattainable or failing that plan, but either way, i don't want this white rabbit to run my life.
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now- and today is all you’ll ever have... Don’t close your eyes. This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?