(no subject)
so u think u have mother fucking friends that will be there for u and wont go behind ur back and do stupid shit well what happened to that there arent any real friends in the world now a days and it pisses me off...see i expected know that she is a close friend that she wouldnt go behind my and try and hook up with the guy that i want the guy that i absent mindly feel for....right arent friend suposed to support ur decisions and arent u suposed to trust them right well that shit aint happening i know the guy aint that dependable and that he is always talking about screwing gurls but i see this otherside besides that i try look over that and just see what he really is....i see the true him and what he loves to do and that screwing and hooking up with gurls is just a cover up so he doesnt have to show his true self....but really when u think about it does he really want to show is true self....me and this guy have had this one convo about him settling down and looking for that one gurl....and i told him he was so much closer then wat he thinks...he told me that keg(my nickname) i know i am close to finding her and i know that but i still want to keep my options open...so what does that mean....does that mean he is talking about me or someone else he knows how i feel for him....but could things ever happen btw us....and with friends that will not be named keep ruining shit bc they think they are hot shit just bc they are supper small and have big boobs...that doesnt mean shit that just means ur easy and a whore....u cant always find the qualities that u are looking for the one that will always be with u at any time in point to when they need u if all ur looking at is tits and ass....i mean yeah i understand u want to have fun while ur young but what is enough to satisfy that person...just bc i havent messed with u doesnt mean i dont care for u and dont want to be with u it just means i want to be with u in a different manor i want u to look past the looks and look past that we havent fucked i mean their is more to me then a vagina i have a brain i have a mind i have thoughts and opinions...ur highly intellectual smart can be dependable when u want to be dependable u have great thoughts and opinions u make me laugh what more is there....i mean i make u laugh u make me laugh we have a great time and everytime we are together u dont think about really anything else that is bothering but just is wat is on ur mind and wat u want to accomplish in life....but then u have this sudden regeneration of o how is so and so and what is so and so number...and then u totally forget about me and just ask about the other person bc u know that i wont have sex with u...does that mean something i mean i want to have more then just a sex life with u i want companionship and actuall convos and not just a one night stand....if u wnat that then ur not for me u never where and i dont know why i feel for u...i guess it was all just a mistake i guess i should have followed my thoughts the first time instead of ignoring them...sometimes i wish i never have met u....i hate it when u make me cry i hate it when u make me upset i just hate it the way u treat me sometimes....but yet i cant get over the fact that i still have feelings for u and i guess i always will....me assuming that i will soon just have to look over it and forget u and come to realization that nothing will ever happen with us....see u make me so sad that i just want to go back to slitting my wrist but then i agian i realize ur not worth my hurting myself anymore...i have promised many ppl that i wont but yet i haev broken those promises bc of ppl like u that hurt me and just makes me feel bad about myself but yet u dont see that u hurt me and i think u could probably care less but i wish u would care i wish u were there for me when i needed comfort when i am in those moods to just go away in a corner and just drift away to somewhere where u wouldnt hurt me or couldnt...and those are the times when ur suposed to turn to ur friends but the friend that u turn to is the one going behind ur back and trying to take u away from me...but i am about to just say go for it and just not to talk to me bc that really hurts me to know that a friend would do such a thing...then i realize that it was my fault for bringing u around him my fault that i let u near him thinking that u wouldnt do that to me...but yet i was mistaking u for a true friend that u are not...so then that is when i turn to the razors and they sooth me why i dont know i guess it seems that pain for pain....i guess i will survive but im seriously thinking of just not talking to the world not talking to ppl who backstab me in back when they know i would be there for them anytime of the day but they cant do the same....im guessing it is just back to the same ole same ole depressing me always pissed off at ppl i guess i was doing so much better then aint that sad