Hate
I hate people, I hate laws, I hate redundancy, I'm starting to hate life more now, I hate stress(too much), I hate nosy people, I hate pretty much everything. Most of all...I HATE YOU!
(rant over)
I'm pissed, stressed, and depressed all at the same time. I thought I had something of a computer gaming partner coming around but apparently if things don't work out right that might end.
Friday, shootout at roughly 5pm, any takers?
I have too much on my mind. Something that many don't know about is a dabbling in the black arts, and yes I can sense other people's emotions and consider if what people say is particularly true. I'm going to meditate(been awhile) and concentrate all negative energy on something I hate...like this stress I'm dealing with. I think what I'm doing is helpful and a worthy cause since I don't put much time into it, yet it's a risk...one that I believe wouldn't be a risk but tell that to Republicans and they'll say otherwise. It's funny how I've done similar things and no problem, and frankly I felt the issue at hand wasn't of major importance...and it wasn't. Now I face a new issue, of lesser importance, but one important nonetheless. I want things to work right, I've made them work right before but when people limit my ability for things, well go figure I can't do shit then huh. I still coin the term "loser" given to me from a particular individual. I just wanna say that if I want a girl then for me thats not a problem, I wasn't some snob back in high school that felt that everyone was an object and not a person. Frankly ever since you've came into my life I've felt an inner hatred for me, which is fine but really I'm of age, you said it yourself at one point that I'm of legal age to make my own decisions so let me fucking make my own decisions. It's like you're having competition with a new adult starting out. You act like you're weaponry is much better and shit, well hell when I have over $3k extra to spend on it then hell yeah it'd be better! I don't see your problem, when I'm around now you don't bitch or say shit b/c frankly you know that I have legal power now, but over a phone you say whatever you want. You've never had compassion for me, which I don't mind, but you seriously take things over the edge and anybody that has enough balls to tell you(me) needs a medal of honor. I make my decisions based on what I feel. Yes I've had people lie and cheat and the usual shit, I can see that coming, I've seen it come, and frankly I see you coming with alot of bullshit soon. Hell if I'm correct you'll say something today as well if you decide to come around. I never disliked you, recall that you came when I considered myself mentally instable, and you have acted like I've been this way since. I know I'm not perfect, I do make mistakes, but damnit I'm trying to live and learn as I go. All you are caring about "I don't wanna spend money on lawyers on your ass over lawyers." First point, if I ever had a problem as such I definitely wouldn't tell you guys, I'm considered an adult and I'll take it like an adult. You say you're preventing anything, but in all actuality, if you didn't know in the first place, then well there wouldn't be a problem, b/c I don't see this being a problem. Give people a chance, I give them enough of a chance to prove to me that they don't desrve my time and effort. But until then let up, I'm not superficial like you guys, I try to talk in a normal tone but you get on the phone saying "Goddamnit, listen you fucking loser, now if you don't want to be kicked out of the house then you'll heed what I say." Happy attitude isn't it ::sarcasm::? Unknowingly to all, I'm half tempted to leave indefinitely or find another means of living, but I'm not over the edge yet, I've been pushed but not quite over. I say one more incident as such and I'm hittin the road, no need to tell me otherwise. A friend calmed me down before over this, basically stating that what they want is for me to be safe, but when it becomes superficial, frankly financial disputes of where their money will be going, they go fucking nuts. I've become a subject to what some individuals consider 'property', or better known as an object, not a person. Fuck it if I have feelings, fuck it if I have any opinion or decision of my own. I'm just a lifeless shit running the face of the planet with no hope. My question is why didn't they put me out of my misery when they knew I was such a hassle? I'm tired of being an object. I try to be civil and show them why I'm such a good person, but apparently those are just futile attempts as the way things go. I've noticed that the less they know the better off I am. Heh, someone said they thought I was suicidal, nah I'm not that self destructive. I'm more about letting the anger out on something, not harming any person in the process. I wish people would change for the sheer reason of appeasing other people, and then being themselves. I'm losing grasp of reality, I could seriously be sent to a psycho ward right now. Overall I can say I'm still responsible nonetheless, I've not hurt anyone or gotten into any legal trouble and still trying to succeed in school. Despite the negative energy I have about school I still work countless hours on the subjects and keep at maintaining decent grades. I feel lost, unloved, and really unwanted. I just wish this was a dream...
I've lost hope, I give up, I don't care anymore, I hate anything and everything, including ME! I've lost my place in life, depressed to where I truly feel how some people are. Real support means talkative and mental support, financial is one thing but actually supporting me in a thoughtful and meaningful way is another. I have no real support. I feel like an Asian kid in Hong Kong sewing Nike shoes feels better than me now. I feel like I have no family, as every time there's association, argument ensues. I feel like an outcast, I feel no love, for financial support does not mean love. It means you have enough $$ to support another, but no real love involved. I guess the best place for me would be the Marines, since you're not loved there to begin with, the experience wouldn't phase me. I sometimes think that too bad the draft didn't go in effect...I'd kinda want to go b/c I serve no real purpose otherwise. Last thing on my mind is I finally know what some people feel about me. I'm not a person (as stated above) but property and a financial factor. I'm only needed for that nice monthly check in the mail, I'm only there b/c the one that does love me isn't alive anymore, for if he was around I think MANY things would be different, such as the loss of a person's priorities and other interests besides what she had previously. I find many faults in my lifetime, and other's lifetime. Overall, and currently wishing about how mine didn't exist.
(rant over)
I'm pissed, stressed, and depressed all at the same time. I thought I had something of a computer gaming partner coming around but apparently if things don't work out right that might end.
Friday, shootout at roughly 5pm, any takers?
I have too much on my mind. Something that many don't know about is a dabbling in the black arts, and yes I can sense other people's emotions and consider if what people say is particularly true. I'm going to meditate(been awhile) and concentrate all negative energy on something I hate...like this stress I'm dealing with. I think what I'm doing is helpful and a worthy cause since I don't put much time into it, yet it's a risk...one that I believe wouldn't be a risk but tell that to Republicans and they'll say otherwise. It's funny how I've done similar things and no problem, and frankly I felt the issue at hand wasn't of major importance...and it wasn't. Now I face a new issue, of lesser importance, but one important nonetheless. I want things to work right, I've made them work right before but when people limit my ability for things, well go figure I can't do shit then huh. I still coin the term "loser" given to me from a particular individual. I just wanna say that if I want a girl then for me thats not a problem, I wasn't some snob back in high school that felt that everyone was an object and not a person. Frankly ever since you've came into my life I've felt an inner hatred for me, which is fine but really I'm of age, you said it yourself at one point that I'm of legal age to make my own decisions so let me fucking make my own decisions. It's like you're having competition with a new adult starting out. You act like you're weaponry is much better and shit, well hell when I have over $3k extra to spend on it then hell yeah it'd be better! I don't see your problem, when I'm around now you don't bitch or say shit b/c frankly you know that I have legal power now, but over a phone you say whatever you want. You've never had compassion for me, which I don't mind, but you seriously take things over the edge and anybody that has enough balls to tell you(me) needs a medal of honor. I make my decisions based on what I feel. Yes I've had people lie and cheat and the usual shit, I can see that coming, I've seen it come, and frankly I see you coming with alot of bullshit soon. Hell if I'm correct you'll say something today as well if you decide to come around. I never disliked you, recall that you came when I considered myself mentally instable, and you have acted like I've been this way since. I know I'm not perfect, I do make mistakes, but damnit I'm trying to live and learn as I go. All you are caring about "I don't wanna spend money on lawyers on your ass over lawyers." First point, if I ever had a problem as such I definitely wouldn't tell you guys, I'm considered an adult and I'll take it like an adult. You say you're preventing anything, but in all actuality, if you didn't know in the first place, then well there wouldn't be a problem, b/c I don't see this being a problem. Give people a chance, I give them enough of a chance to prove to me that they don't desrve my time and effort. But until then let up, I'm not superficial like you guys, I try to talk in a normal tone but you get on the phone saying "Goddamnit, listen you fucking loser, now if you don't want to be kicked out of the house then you'll heed what I say." Happy attitude isn't it ::sarcasm::? Unknowingly to all, I'm half tempted to leave indefinitely or find another means of living, but I'm not over the edge yet, I've been pushed but not quite over. I say one more incident as such and I'm hittin the road, no need to tell me otherwise. A friend calmed me down before over this, basically stating that what they want is for me to be safe, but when it becomes superficial, frankly financial disputes of where their money will be going, they go fucking nuts. I've become a subject to what some individuals consider 'property', or better known as an object, not a person. Fuck it if I have feelings, fuck it if I have any opinion or decision of my own. I'm just a lifeless shit running the face of the planet with no hope. My question is why didn't they put me out of my misery when they knew I was such a hassle? I'm tired of being an object. I try to be civil and show them why I'm such a good person, but apparently those are just futile attempts as the way things go. I've noticed that the less they know the better off I am. Heh, someone said they thought I was suicidal, nah I'm not that self destructive. I'm more about letting the anger out on something, not harming any person in the process. I wish people would change for the sheer reason of appeasing other people, and then being themselves. I'm losing grasp of reality, I could seriously be sent to a psycho ward right now. Overall I can say I'm still responsible nonetheless, I've not hurt anyone or gotten into any legal trouble and still trying to succeed in school. Despite the negative energy I have about school I still work countless hours on the subjects and keep at maintaining decent grades. I feel lost, unloved, and really unwanted. I just wish this was a dream...
I've lost hope, I give up, I don't care anymore, I hate anything and everything, including ME! I've lost my place in life, depressed to where I truly feel how some people are. Real support means talkative and mental support, financial is one thing but actually supporting me in a thoughtful and meaningful way is another. I have no real support. I feel like an Asian kid in Hong Kong sewing Nike shoes feels better than me now. I feel like I have no family, as every time there's association, argument ensues. I feel like an outcast, I feel no love, for financial support does not mean love. It means you have enough $$ to support another, but no real love involved. I guess the best place for me would be the Marines, since you're not loved there to begin with, the experience wouldn't phase me. I sometimes think that too bad the draft didn't go in effect...I'd kinda want to go b/c I serve no real purpose otherwise. Last thing on my mind is I finally know what some people feel about me. I'm not a person (as stated above) but property and a financial factor. I'm only needed for that nice monthly check in the mail, I'm only there b/c the one that does love me isn't alive anymore, for if he was around I think MANY things would be different, such as the loss of a person's priorities and other interests besides what she had previously. I find many faults in my lifetime, and other's lifetime. Overall, and currently wishing about how mine didn't exist.