I Now Know How You Felt...JUSTINE...And Other Friends
This is for all the people that suffered through my suicidal period and addictions. To drugs and self mutilation. I love you all and will never forget the strength and encouragemnt you gave to me! Your support and love are the very things I needed to rid my being & soul of those demons.
But I now know what you went through. My friend and confidant Dawn, went through a serious suicide bout today. And I suffered too. Please read the following conversation, and let me know if this is how you felt....I think the band Better Than Ezra put it properly....Desperatly Wanting. Wanting above all else to console and help your loved one. To take their hurts away. To make them see.....
TiggerLuvinBrat don't worrie about sending me that thing
XTheDizzyFaerieX What thing
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:07 PM when the other package gets here I will have jon send it back to you
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:07 PM What's the matter?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:08 PMnothing. I am just tired I am not going to be around anymore. I will be ok now
XTheDizzyFaerieX What do you mean
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:08 PMI just wanted to tell you I luv ya you are a sweetheart TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PMI have to run
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PM luv ya hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX i love you too
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PM bubye stay
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:09 PM; Ok?
XTheDizzyFaerieX I wish you thr best of luck, and hope I didn't do anything to piss you off. I shall miss you and worry
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:10 PM you didn't piss me off hun
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:11 PM I am just sick of hurting so I am going to fix everything XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:11 PM How?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:11 PM don’t worrie hun I am going to be better soon. Luv ya XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:11 PM Please talk to me
TiggerLuvinBrat I am
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:12 PMI really hope you're not thinking of hurting yourself.
TiggerLuvinBrat I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:12 PM; That's not really reassuring.
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:13 PM What happened hun?
TiggerLuvinBrat everything. I can't pay my bills cause I can afford gas to find a job I am just tired very very tired
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:14 PM; my mom was right I am never going to make anything out of my life so why try anymore
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM I am just done that is all
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:15 PMOf course you will. Your mom's not right. TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM o ya she is all you have to do is look at my life TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM; I don't have anything not even my kids
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:16 PM; I see your life, or what you tell me of it. And it does seem shitty right now. But there is no where to go but up! Once you hit the bottom, you have to go up
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:16 PM; it doesn't matter anymore. I am going to be ok. I know what I need to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:16 PM; What is that? What do you need to do? XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:17 PM Please tell me.
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:17 PM; I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:17 PM; Okay, tell me this, are you going to leave your situation, or are you going to kill yourself
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:18 PMI have to go before jon comes in here & reads this. I just wanted to say goodbye & I luv you
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:18 PM; Please don't say good bye
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:18 PM ; I luv you hun. you are a sweetheart
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM; I love you too. Really. I do
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:19 PMty that means alot to me
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM I hope so
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:19 PM you take care of yourself ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM Dawn, please...don't do what ever you're planning on. PLEASE
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM I'd do anything for you! Please, if I can, let me help you TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM don't worrie I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM; physically okay?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM; I will be ok hun
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM I have to go Jon is in here
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM ; Is he upset with you or something?
TiggerLuvinBrat no
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM Ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM ; Does he know how you feel?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:21 PM nope
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM y?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM; Would he care
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:22 PM; ya he wouldn't let me do what I want to XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:22 PM; You know if I were closer, I wouldn't either TiggerLuvinBrat [3:22 PM; I know
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:23 PM; And you know it's because I love you. XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:23 PM Right?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:23 PM yes hun I
XTheDizzyFaerieX And you know Jon loves you...
TiggerLuvinBrat; I know
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PM that is why I have to do what I have to do XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM No it isn't
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PMeverything I touch turns to shit
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PMso I just have to go
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM]: Dawn, did he know about your past before he married XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PM]: ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:25 PM; Did he know you still struggle with depression among other things
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:25 PM ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:25 PM; He knew everything right? >
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:25 PM]: yes
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; AND HE STILL WANTED YOU! He still supported and continues to support you. Not because he has to, but because he wants to! XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM He wanted you for you!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; He sees in you what you can't
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; And I see it there too baby girl!
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:26 PM ty
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:27 PM Do you know how badly you are going to hurt him? It may seem like he'll be better off, but I know better. Dawn, I have been where you are. I swear I have, And I don't know what happened to help ''fix'' it, but it got better. XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; I can't pay my bills either. And I feel like I fuck up every one's lives because I am a fuck up
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; But the people who love me wouldn't love me if they didn't want to
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; And the same goes for YOU
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; Dawn, you're amazing! You've lived through what 33 years of the shittiest shit imaginable?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:29 PM; I didn't say that he didn't luv me or others hun I know that I don't want to hurt anymore so I have to do what I have to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; How are you hurting others by living
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:29 PM; I can't live with anymore pain. I can't take anymore XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; You've taken 33 or something years!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM; You're not a pussy or a wimp! You're a fighter XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM fighter*
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:30 PM; I have no fight left in me hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM ; And if your tired of fighting, let me, let Jon fight for you for a while!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM; Let other people love you. Take care of you TiggerLuvinBrat [3:31 PM; don't worrie hun I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM Somwhow I don't believe that!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM; Would you like to talk on the phone? I just want to let you go right now. Not yet. And I know you're tired
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; I will listen
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; I don't want to preach to
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:32 PM; no I am ok hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; Well will you stay online for a lil while?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:32 PM ya I will be here for a couple. I am waiting for jon to go to sleep
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; See, I don't do goodbyes, and if you want to say good bye it's gonna take more than a few typed words
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; If you're gonna do this, tell me how!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; Do you plan on leaving a note?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:55 PM; ya I have a big mouth....lol
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:55 PM; YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:56 PM =10 FAMILY="SCRIPT" FACE="Comic Sans MS" LANG="0"> I've tried 24 times. And it took me that long to realize I'm not supposed to die yet, either that or I am IMMORTAL....LOL
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:56 PM; I want to go be with my brothers, grandma aunt XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:56 PM; They are passed, right?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:57 PM; You don't want to be with Jon & the cats anymore? XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:58 PM; You're a wonderful gal.
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:59 PM; I really hope you know that. Or know I think that anyway TiggerLuvinBrat [3:59 PM; yes they have passed
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PMno I am not hun. I have been trouble since I was born
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; And you think it's your fault?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM HOW????
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM; I know it is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; ?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; HOW
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM it just is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; I don't think it is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; Did you ask for people to rape you? For your mom not to want you?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM I don't think so
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:01 PM; nope but that is what I got
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; Did you ask your ex to take your kids after abusing you? XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; NO
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PMSo it's not your fault
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:02 PM; Are you going to use pills again?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; Is there anything I can say to talk you out of it?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:03 PM]:; no hun I have to do what I have to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; Or anything I can do?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:03 PM I am just waiting for jon to leave so he can't stop me this time XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; When is he leaving/
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:04 PM I don't know I am trying to get him to leave
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:04 PM I thought he was sleeping
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:04 PM; no he was in here for a couple & I just heard him talking to the cat
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:05 PM; I can't have him here. if he walks in or wakes up it will screw everything up
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:05 PM; fate is fate. If he stops it it would be for a reason
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:05 PM How long have you been thinking about this?
TiggerLuvinBrat awhile now
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:06 PM I mean what made you pick today?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:07 PM; just to much shit. cable got turned off the cell phones got turned off. I can't take anymore
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:07 PM; This all happened today?
TiggerLuvinBrat [; I have kind of gone numb if that makes any sence to you TiggerLuvinBrat [4:07 PM Ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:07 PM; It makes perfect sense to me
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; hell it is sad when I don't even have 20 bucks for body jewl. that I want.....or a pack of smokes....lol
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; I am sick of trying
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; I don't want to hurt anymore
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:08 PM Well doesn't it take some trying to kill yourself? TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM nope
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:09 PM; just planning
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:09 PM; It takes some effort
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:09 PM well then that is all I have left
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:10 PM; If your cable & cells got turned on, and some one could promise you no more pain for 1 year one year to try and get on track, would you take it?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:10 PM; no it is just to late. I don't want to be around anymore & I want to see my brothers. I want to be with them
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PMAre you SURE you will see them?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:11 PM don't know but I hope
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PM; Won't you miss Jon?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:11 PM; he will find someone else & have a better life XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PM; What if he doesn't want anyone else?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; I am nothing but a screw up & I just mess up his life anyways
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PMDoes he say that?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; no I do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PM; Does he feel that way?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PM; Is he happy with his life? His life with you? TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; Jon & my family & kids will be better off without me hun TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; no I don't think he is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:13 PM; Why hasn't he left you if he isn't happy?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:14 PM; I have to go hun. I luv you &; ty for being so sweet. you take care of yourself ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:14 PM; Why do you have to go?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:14 PM; Has he left?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:14 PM yes
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:15 PM; Dawn, good luck baby girl! I love you, and I hope you don't hurt any more. Just have Jon let me know what happens. I LOVE YOU honestly! TiggerLuvinBrat [4:15 PM; luv you to hun Goodbye
TiggerLuvinBrat signed off at 4:15 PM
But I now know what you went through. My friend and confidant Dawn, went through a serious suicide bout today. And I suffered too. Please read the following conversation, and let me know if this is how you felt....I think the band Better Than Ezra put it properly....Desperatly Wanting. Wanting above all else to console and help your loved one. To take their hurts away. To make them see.....
TiggerLuvinBrat don't worrie about sending me that thing
XTheDizzyFaerieX What thing
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:07 PM when the other package gets here I will have jon send it back to you
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:07 PM What's the matter?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:08 PMnothing. I am just tired I am not going to be around anymore. I will be ok now
XTheDizzyFaerieX What do you mean
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:08 PMI just wanted to tell you I luv ya you are a sweetheart TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PMI have to run
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PM luv ya hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX i love you too
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:09 PM bubye stay
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:09 PM; Ok?
XTheDizzyFaerieX I wish you thr best of luck, and hope I didn't do anything to piss you off. I shall miss you and worry
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:10 PM you didn't piss me off hun
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:11 PM I am just sick of hurting so I am going to fix everything XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:11 PM How?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:11 PM don’t worrie hun I am going to be better soon. Luv ya XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:11 PM Please talk to me
TiggerLuvinBrat I am
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:12 PMI really hope you're not thinking of hurting yourself.
TiggerLuvinBrat I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:12 PM; That's not really reassuring.
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:13 PM What happened hun?
TiggerLuvinBrat everything. I can't pay my bills cause I can afford gas to find a job I am just tired very very tired
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:14 PM; my mom was right I am never going to make anything out of my life so why try anymore
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM I am just done that is all
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:15 PMOf course you will. Your mom's not right. TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM o ya she is all you have to do is look at my life TiggerLuvinBrat [3:15 PM; I don't have anything not even my kids
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:16 PM; I see your life, or what you tell me of it. And it does seem shitty right now. But there is no where to go but up! Once you hit the bottom, you have to go up
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:16 PM; it doesn't matter anymore. I am going to be ok. I know what I need to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:16 PM; What is that? What do you need to do? XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:17 PM Please tell me.
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:17 PM; I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:17 PM; Okay, tell me this, are you going to leave your situation, or are you going to kill yourself
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:18 PMI have to go before jon comes in here & reads this. I just wanted to say goodbye & I luv you
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:18 PM; Please don't say good bye
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:18 PM ; I luv you hun. you are a sweetheart
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM; I love you too. Really. I do
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:19 PMty that means alot to me
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM I hope so
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:19 PM you take care of yourself ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:19 PM Dawn, please...don't do what ever you're planning on. PLEASE
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM I'd do anything for you! Please, if I can, let me help you TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM don't worrie I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM; physically okay?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM; I will be ok hun
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:20 PM I have to go Jon is in here
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:20 PM ; Is he upset with you or something?
TiggerLuvinBrat no
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM Ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM ; Does he know how you feel?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:21 PM nope
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM y?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:21 PM; Would he care
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:22 PM; ya he wouldn't let me do what I want to XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:22 PM; You know if I were closer, I wouldn't either TiggerLuvinBrat [3:22 PM; I know
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:23 PM; And you know it's because I love you. XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:23 PM Right?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:23 PM yes hun I
XTheDizzyFaerieX And you know Jon loves you...
TiggerLuvinBrat; I know
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PM that is why I have to do what I have to do XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM No it isn't
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PMeverything I touch turns to shit
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PMso I just have to go
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM]: Dawn, did he know about your past before he married XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:24 PM ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:24 PM]: ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:25 PM; Did he know you still struggle with depression among other things
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:25 PM ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:25 PM; He knew everything right? >
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:25 PM]: yes
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; AND HE STILL WANTED YOU! He still supported and continues to support you. Not because he has to, but because he wants to! XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM He wanted you for you!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; He sees in you what you can't
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:26 PM; And I see it there too baby girl!
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:26 PM ty
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:27 PM Do you know how badly you are going to hurt him? It may seem like he'll be better off, but I know better. Dawn, I have been where you are. I swear I have, And I don't know what happened to help ''fix'' it, but it got better. XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; I can't pay my bills either. And I feel like I fuck up every one's lives because I am a fuck up
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; But the people who love me wouldn't love me if they didn't want to
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:28 PM; And the same goes for YOU
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; Dawn, you're amazing! You've lived through what 33 years of the shittiest shit imaginable?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:29 PM; I didn't say that he didn't luv me or others hun I know that I don't want to hurt anymore so I have to do what I have to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; How are you hurting others by living
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:29 PM; I can't live with anymore pain. I can't take anymore XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:29 PM; You've taken 33 or something years!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM; You're not a pussy or a wimp! You're a fighter XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM fighter*
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:30 PM; I have no fight left in me hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM ; And if your tired of fighting, let me, let Jon fight for you for a while!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:30 PM
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM; Let other people love you. Take care of you TiggerLuvinBrat [3:31 PM; don't worrie hun I will be ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM Somwhow I don't believe that!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:31 PM; Would you like to talk on the phone? I just want to let you go right now. Not yet. And I know you're tired
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; I will listen
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; I don't want to preach to
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:32 PM; no I am ok hun
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:32 PM; Well will you stay online for a lil while?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:32 PM ya I will be here for a couple. I am waiting for jon to go to sleep
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; See, I don't do goodbyes, and if you want to say good bye it's gonna take more than a few typed words
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; If you're gonna do this, tell me how!
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:33 PM; Do you plan on leaving a note?
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:55 PM; ya I have a big mouth....lol
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:55 PM; YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:56 PM =10 FAMILY="SCRIPT" FACE="Comic Sans MS" LANG="0"> I've tried 24 times. And it took me that long to realize I'm not supposed to die yet, either that or I am IMMORTAL....LOL
TiggerLuvinBrat [3:56 PM; I want to go be with my brothers, grandma aunt XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:56 PM; They are passed, right?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:57 PM; You don't want to be with Jon & the cats anymore? XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:58 PM; You're a wonderful gal.
XTheDizzyFaerieX [3:59 PM; I really hope you know that. Or know I think that anyway TiggerLuvinBrat [3:59 PM; yes they have passed
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PMno I am not hun. I have been trouble since I was born
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; And you think it's your fault?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM HOW????
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM; I know it is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; ?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; HOW
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:00 PM it just is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:00 PM; I don't think it is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; Did you ask for people to rape you? For your mom not to want you?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM I don't think so
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:01 PM; nope but that is what I got
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; Did you ask your ex to take your kids after abusing you? XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PM; NO
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:01 PMSo it's not your fault
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:02 PM; Are you going to use pills again?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; Is there anything I can say to talk you out of it?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:03 PM]:; no hun I have to do what I have to do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; Or anything I can do?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:03 PM I am just waiting for jon to leave so he can't stop me this time XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; When is he leaving/
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:03 PM; ?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:04 PM I don't know I am trying to get him to leave
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:04 PM I thought he was sleeping
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:04 PM; no he was in here for a couple & I just heard him talking to the cat
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:05 PM; I can't have him here. if he walks in or wakes up it will screw everything up
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:05 PM; fate is fate. If he stops it it would be for a reason
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:05 PM How long have you been thinking about this?
TiggerLuvinBrat awhile now
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:06 PM I mean what made you pick today?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:07 PM; just to much shit. cable got turned off the cell phones got turned off. I can't take anymore
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:07 PM; This all happened today?
TiggerLuvinBrat [; I have kind of gone numb if that makes any sence to you TiggerLuvinBrat [4:07 PM Ya
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:07 PM; It makes perfect sense to me
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; hell it is sad when I don't even have 20 bucks for body jewl. that I want.....or a pack of smokes....lol
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; I am sick of trying
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM; I don't want to hurt anymore
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:08 PM Well doesn't it take some trying to kill yourself? TiggerLuvinBrat [4:08 PM nope
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:09 PM; just planning
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:09 PM; It takes some effort
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:09 PM well then that is all I have left
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:10 PM; If your cable & cells got turned on, and some one could promise you no more pain for 1 year one year to try and get on track, would you take it?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:10 PM; no it is just to late. I don't want to be around anymore & I want to see my brothers. I want to be with them
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PMAre you SURE you will see them?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:11 PM don't know but I hope
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PM; Won't you miss Jon?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:11 PM; he will find someone else & have a better life XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:11 PM; What if he doesn't want anyone else?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; I am nothing but a screw up & I just mess up his life anyways
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PMDoes he say that?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; no I do
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PM; Does he feel that way?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:12 PM; Is he happy with his life? His life with you? TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; Jon & my family & kids will be better off without me hun TiggerLuvinBrat [4:12 PM; no I don't think he is
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:13 PM; Why hasn't he left you if he isn't happy?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:14 PM; I have to go hun. I luv you &; ty for being so sweet. you take care of yourself ok
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:14 PM; Why do you have to go?
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:14 PM; Has he left?
TiggerLuvinBrat [4:14 PM yes
XTheDizzyFaerieX [4:15 PM; Dawn, good luck baby girl! I love you, and I hope you don't hurt any more. Just have Jon let me know what happens. I LOVE YOU honestly! TiggerLuvinBrat [4:15 PM; luv you to hun Goodbye
TiggerLuvinBrat signed off at 4:15 PM