(no subject)
A FATHER WAS PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM & WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE
BED WAS NICELY
MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON
THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD"
WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE
AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:
DEAR DAD,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING
THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED
TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE
IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT
MOTORCYCLE
CLOTHES.
BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION, DAD - SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES
ME
THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.
EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS SO MUCH OLDER
THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A
STACK OF FIREWOOD ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE WINTER.
SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND
THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE
AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER
FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE NEED.
IN THE MEANTIME, WE PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS
SO THAT BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!
DON'T WORRY, DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO
KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
YOUR SON, MICHAEL
P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT BILLY'S HOUSE. I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD
WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.
I LOVE YOU!
BED WAS NICELY
MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON
THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD"
WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE
AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:
DEAR DAD,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING
THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED
TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE
IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT
MOTORCYCLE
CLOTHES.
BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION, DAD - SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES
ME
THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.
EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS SO MUCH OLDER
THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A
STACK OF FIREWOOD ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE WINTER.
SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND
THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE
AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER
FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE NEED.
IN THE MEANTIME, WE PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS
SO THAT BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!
DON'T WORRY, DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO
KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
YOUR SON, MICHAEL
P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT BILLY'S HOUSE. I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD
WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.
I LOVE YOU!