(no subject)
the schools are destroying our youth. the more we look toward self-esteem and emotion over achievement will destroy us slowly. We can handle our problems... i'm not at the school for gods-be-damned therapy, i don't go for my mental health. Why the fuck are these god damned schools removing dogdeball, tag, and red ink from graded papers 'to protect the kids?!!' everyone wants to protect the children. THERE'S NO NEED TO PROTECT THE GODDAMN CHILDREN!!! the reason your kids are so fucked up is because you're coddling them, you morons! if you'd leave the kids alone, let them hear a little swearing, see a tit or two, it's not gonna kill them. RED FUCKIN INK IS NOT GONNA DESTROY A KID'S LIFE!! there are schools banning red ink because it is a threatening color. they suggest lavender as an alternative. LAVA-FUCKIN-DER!! don't we have better things to worry about? the safety of our children in schools? people comin in and shooting up the school? no, we're worried about how threatened kids feel when exposed to RED FUCKING INK??? WHAT THE HELL???
and then there's texas... while the rest of the US debates marraige, the texas house has just passed, like 135 to 6 a law forbidding gays to adopt. Then, on national television, someone lies about why (false research 'revealing' that gays are more likely to be abusive) and NO ONE EVEN CARED! WHAT THE FUCK??? you can't even make this shit up. the christians come, preaching tolerance, and then, just when they've got you, they point out the rediculous notion that gays should have the rights of straights. you ever wonder what people are gonna see about this in history books? the government is now run by some very scary fundamentalists who have to have it their way. they cannot deal with the idea that other people's opinions may have weight against their own. in the last several weeks, congress has debated, what,exactly? surely some very important issues that many are concerned about? NO! we've gone over steroids in baseball, whether or not SPONGEBOB IS GAY, and, of course, a single vegetative woman, who, i'd like to mention, got herself to that state through bulimia. I'm glad everyone in congress know's what they're doing... THANKS A FUCKIN LOT YOU GOD DAMNED MORONS!!!
and then my own issues... i have no idea what i'm doing, though i seem to be stumbling upon some sort of social life. i am confused, mostly due to the fact that my generally sheltered life has left me emotionally and socially stunted. It's easy to know what i should do, it's just this nagging fear of being wrong... i could surely just blurt something out one day, an okay idea on paper, but once i think about, and i do think about it, it just doesn't seem that easy. i always have this feeling something bad's gonna happen, and i can never figure out what. but when people make you feel a certain way, you have to act. I don't think i have the courage to do anything anymore, though. maybe at one point i did, but after four or five years under the heel of social oppression, i definitely don't anymore. i think to goddamn much, that's the problem. i overstress about everything, and the appearance everone else sees suffers because i have to hide behind the constructions of my own damnation to keep from exploding and blowing my emotional bits everywhere. They're there, somewhere. mostly i keep them deep, although the people i keep close can bring them out sometimes. Mostly my emotions are a burning, raging mass locked away. i appear insane, but i don't know that i am. i am a very logic-driven person, mostly... i just choose to appear a certain way rather than wading neck-deep in the dramatic, political shithole that is the school. I may be one of the sanest people you will ever meet, if you ever see that side. my desire to keep my true emotions hidden used to help, but now, it keeps me down... the walls i formed to keep you out are now those that form my prison. all of these thoughts deep inside... i can't keep them in for long. soon the damn will breach and all will be swept away, floating debris in the figurative river of life for all to see. What will i do then? where will i go? affection... will destroy me.
must sign off as i am slowly making myself insane.
lift me up my soul's so hollow.
and then there's texas... while the rest of the US debates marraige, the texas house has just passed, like 135 to 6 a law forbidding gays to adopt. Then, on national television, someone lies about why (false research 'revealing' that gays are more likely to be abusive) and NO ONE EVEN CARED! WHAT THE FUCK??? you can't even make this shit up. the christians come, preaching tolerance, and then, just when they've got you, they point out the rediculous notion that gays should have the rights of straights. you ever wonder what people are gonna see about this in history books? the government is now run by some very scary fundamentalists who have to have it their way. they cannot deal with the idea that other people's opinions may have weight against their own. in the last several weeks, congress has debated, what,exactly? surely some very important issues that many are concerned about? NO! we've gone over steroids in baseball, whether or not SPONGEBOB IS GAY, and, of course, a single vegetative woman, who, i'd like to mention, got herself to that state through bulimia. I'm glad everyone in congress know's what they're doing... THANKS A FUCKIN LOT YOU GOD DAMNED MORONS!!!
and then my own issues... i have no idea what i'm doing, though i seem to be stumbling upon some sort of social life. i am confused, mostly due to the fact that my generally sheltered life has left me emotionally and socially stunted. It's easy to know what i should do, it's just this nagging fear of being wrong... i could surely just blurt something out one day, an okay idea on paper, but once i think about, and i do think about it, it just doesn't seem that easy. i always have this feeling something bad's gonna happen, and i can never figure out what. but when people make you feel a certain way, you have to act. I don't think i have the courage to do anything anymore, though. maybe at one point i did, but after four or five years under the heel of social oppression, i definitely don't anymore. i think to goddamn much, that's the problem. i overstress about everything, and the appearance everone else sees suffers because i have to hide behind the constructions of my own damnation to keep from exploding and blowing my emotional bits everywhere. They're there, somewhere. mostly i keep them deep, although the people i keep close can bring them out sometimes. Mostly my emotions are a burning, raging mass locked away. i appear insane, but i don't know that i am. i am a very logic-driven person, mostly... i just choose to appear a certain way rather than wading neck-deep in the dramatic, political shithole that is the school. I may be one of the sanest people you will ever meet, if you ever see that side. my desire to keep my true emotions hidden used to help, but now, it keeps me down... the walls i formed to keep you out are now those that form my prison. all of these thoughts deep inside... i can't keep them in for long. soon the damn will breach and all will be swept away, floating debris in the figurative river of life for all to see. What will i do then? where will i go? affection... will destroy me.
must sign off as i am slowly making myself insane.
lift me up my soul's so hollow.