(no subject)
i have come to realize... tonight... how important it is for me to take my medicine. damn it. i hate taking it, because it just seems so fucking fake. i don't know. but i know that i don't enjoy feeling like this. but in a way.. i guess i kind of do. sort of like a punishment from me to myself... that makes no sense. but yah. i've been thinking about EVERYthing negetive.. not really like pitying myself or anything, more just worrying, and fearing, and hating things. negativity. but i talked to justin. and that made feel a bit better. which is reassuring. for reasons i will not go into at the moment. it's fucked up though. because i have been in a perfectly fine mood all night, i mean.. i felt really good earlier when i was talking to cassie and shit. it was fun. and good. then i sat down on my bed, and tried to call justin and the fucking line was busy for 2 mother fucking hours because of his brother.. then i just sat there, and kept getting pissed off when the line was busy.. when i KNEW it would be... then i just started thinking about everything. things can just get really fucked up for people. just people. alot of people go through so much shit. it's really sad.
and i was thinking about what i was thinking about earlier today, during good vs. evil. that was fucked up. horrible even. i don't know why things like that even cross my mind, ever. it makes me sick to think about... but i continued thinking about it. stupid. arrrg. but i think that i feel pretty alright now. although i have not taken medicine yet. oh well, i guess i'll take it tomorrow. i don't feel like getting it out right now.
i'm with my dad tomorrow. i'm grounded over there, from the phone. which sucks monkey ass. arg. but yah. i wonder how things will be over there tomorrow. hum. i work, so i won't really be there. so yah. i don't know why i'm talking about that. i don't even know where the hell i was going with that. it was like a thought... but it was completely incomplete. wow. that makes no sense.
anywho.
back at school. fun. woo. sarcasm. woo.
walking.. in the halls... or even in the classroom... it's just like aaaah. people are fucking everywhere. and sometimes i feel like i KNOW what they are thinking when they look at me. i can't wait to get the fucking hell out of that place. goddamn.
i always stare at people. i'm sure they don't appreciate it. but sometimes i just wonder about them. some people are just soo interesting to think about. i wonder what life is like for them. and what they are thinking at that moment. and what they think of themselves. and there veiws. i could probably ask... but then i would have to speak. and bianca CAN'T do that, now can she? that was weird. 3rd person.. woo.
hm. this entry sucks. sorry to anyone who read it.
have a super day.
and i was thinking about what i was thinking about earlier today, during good vs. evil. that was fucked up. horrible even. i don't know why things like that even cross my mind, ever. it makes me sick to think about... but i continued thinking about it. stupid. arrrg. but i think that i feel pretty alright now. although i have not taken medicine yet. oh well, i guess i'll take it tomorrow. i don't feel like getting it out right now.
i'm with my dad tomorrow. i'm grounded over there, from the phone. which sucks monkey ass. arg. but yah. i wonder how things will be over there tomorrow. hum. i work, so i won't really be there. so yah. i don't know why i'm talking about that. i don't even know where the hell i was going with that. it was like a thought... but it was completely incomplete. wow. that makes no sense.
anywho.
back at school. fun. woo. sarcasm. woo.
walking.. in the halls... or even in the classroom... it's just like aaaah. people are fucking everywhere. and sometimes i feel like i KNOW what they are thinking when they look at me. i can't wait to get the fucking hell out of that place. goddamn.
i always stare at people. i'm sure they don't appreciate it. but sometimes i just wonder about them. some people are just soo interesting to think about. i wonder what life is like for them. and what they are thinking at that moment. and what they think of themselves. and there veiws. i could probably ask... but then i would have to speak. and bianca CAN'T do that, now can she? that was weird. 3rd person.. woo.
hm. this entry sucks. sorry to anyone who read it.
have a super day.