[Log] Singing in the rain... [pt 1]
Characters: Sakon, Ukon,Temari
Date: Sunday, September 16
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Profanity, drama, enough fluff to fill a pillow.
Summary: Somehow, Temari cons Sakon into going to the gym with her, who in turn cons Ukon into going with them, but while there, he has a little trouble, and so Temari takes them all home rather moodily. Drama ensues, and after a little episode between the brothers, starts packing her things...[dun dun DUN]
7:26AM, the rays of light shooting through the curtains in the living room dance on the wall, Sakon relaxing on the couch. He was grumbling something, the usual shit presumably, with his eyes closed and arm hiding the majority of his face. He hated that he was always up before the crack of dawn, no matter the day or time of year, and loathed that it was the weekend he was up early on. What's more, the idea had been planted into Temari's head that he was going to go with her to the gym. At first he'd laughed, thinking it was something of a cruel joke, until he saw that look in her eye and he knew it was no joke. Well, there was no way he'd go alone with her out to a public place that he couldn't control, so he'd forced Ukon into agreeing to join them. More than force, it had been guilt tripping, and the elder brother caved after several minutes of arguing.
"I'm not going to go to the gym with you," said Ukon with a shake of his head as he walked around the apartment with a bowl of some sort of spherical, puffy, cereal and medication in hand. Sakon followed him from one room to another, from kitchen to living room to Ukon's small bedroom in the back of the apartment.
"Why not? We'll throw you on a treadmill, it'll be loads of fucking fun!" Sakon said with a smirk as he leaned upon the bedroom door jamb, one arm over his head touching the top panel while the other hung on the doorknob.
"Right, because me and treadmills are great friends," shot Ukon with a roll of his eyes. Setting the bowl and medication down on the side table, he flopped onto his bed and lay on his side with his head on his fist. "Give me a better reason, other than suicide."
Sakon leaned back out the door and looked around for the pregnant blond of the household, but when he didn't see or hear her he resumed his stance. "Temari can't go alone," he justified. Ukon raised his visible, and pierced, brow in question; though more than one was on his mind.
"Well that's why she has you," he stated and picked up the handful of pills and threw them into his mouth. Tilting his head back, he swallowed, then continued conversation. "And, you called her Temari. You never call her that." He leaned forward on his hand as if he'd made a point, then motioned for Sakon to leave. The younger twin didn't, and the elder sighed. "I'm not going."
"You're going," Sakon said quickly before Ukon could even finish his statement. "Just lift some weights, you can. I know you can, I've seen you." With a sneer he shifted on his feet and then walked into the room, slamming the door. "You're not so fucking innocent, Ukon, you can run faster than I can and if you wanted probably lift more too."
"That was a long time ago," Ukon spat back as he sat up and their eyes locked. "A long damn time ago, I'm not going there again."
"Scared you'll like it? I know you used to..." Sakon was practically singing, and he could see the anger in his brothers eyes. "So, come with us."
"No, I'm not going."
The two could argue for hours, they had since they'd learned to speak and swear, but Ukon was tired tonight and didn't feel like bickering. It never got them anywhere, because one of them always lost---usually it was Ukon, these days, but in the past it had been different.
"You're going and you'll like it," Sakon snapped, stepping forward to meet his now standing brother. They glared at each other and Sakon smirked, but it was gone when Ukon's hand wrapped around the front of his throat.
"You want this again? Because I'll like it again if you do, little brother." Ukon smirked and shook his head. "I'll go, for her."
Ukon was slow getting out of bed this morning, usually sleeping in until eleven or so once he'd swallowed his daily pills that could kill him if not taken properly. He trudged through the apartment and slouched into a chair with his hands over his face, hiding his unadjusted eyes from the light.
"Hey, Temari, you ready?" Asked the pink haired brother, slowly putting his hands down and blinking into the glare coming through the window.
It would only figure that the one day Temari was exhausted enough to sleep in-and not for any real reason, either-she was made to wake up. How she would have loved to sleep in as well, but she had actually convinced Sakon to go somewhere with her, actually got him to get his lazy ass off the couch, and appear in public with her. And while she was equally glad that Ukon would be coming too, as she usually enjoyed his company, he wasn’t the stubborn one. Was it actually, physically possible that things might start to look up now? She banished the thought as she ran her hand through her hair then pulled it back into a tight ponytail. In her tank top and leggings, she did look a bit like she needed a work out, like she had been eating a little too much lately, and she sighed at the thought, somewhat happily, somewhat disappointedly.
“I’ll be out in a second,” she called from behind the closed bedroom door, making her final adjustments.
She wouldn’t be able to go to the gym for much longer, not with the types of workouts she did, and while she would still be able to get something in…the flexibility she was so happily accustomed to was soon going to go away, and who knew when she’d find the time to get back in shape with a newborn. Going to the gym now was just a comfort, something she knew she would miss, and that she wanted to savor now. When she was sure that he shoe laces were tied and she was comfortable in her attire, she took her leave of the bedroom, wandering to the kitchen where she made quick work of taking her morning vitamins then to the living room area, leaning against the door frame.
“You sure you want to come? Is it even…alright?” Temari asked, addressing Ukon and entirely unsure of herself. It felt rude to ask, but she’d hate to see something happen to her one source of sanity.
The two stood up, Sakon heading for the door while Ukon followed with slow steps and a wave of his hand. "I'm fine, I could use the exercise." He replied while glancing at his brother, who was yawning quietly in front of them, before turning his gaze back to Temari. "It's not like I'm going to be running a race, jogging won't kill me. Hasn't before."
"Right, because you love jogging." Murmured Sakon from the now open door as he faced them, motioning for the two to hurry it along. The sooner they left, the sooner they could come back, which meant the sooner he could not do anything.
Temari gave an exasperated sigh, as she’d found herself giving more and more often lately, as they were already arguing and most people hadn’t even had breakfast yet. She wasn’t sure that she could live with this for the rest of her life, and made a note to find more suitable, alternate arrangements, even if she had to move out on her own. But she didn’t say anything, grabbing her gym back from where she’d left it on the kitchen table and then following blindly to the door, taking the lead once they reached the street. She’d been to this particular gym a few days earlier to register accounts there, and she had been more than a little nervous as the woman at the counter had checked her ID. She’d found that a lot of places here in Ceno didn’t particularly check your ID against anything, just simply kept the number in the system, presumably for future reference if anyone should come looking for you, but it was still nerve wracking.
The streets were still damp from the rain that had plagued the city all week, although there seemed to be at least a short lull, long enough from them to actually get from building to building without getting soaking wet. The inside of the building itself was fairly typical, with the treadmills and weight machines and locker rooms on the first floor, with the tanning rooms and pool in what would have otherwise been the basement. And for what it was worth, it was actually clean and well kept. Her one attempt at a gym in Cena had been a huge mistake, and Celo gyms were useable, but nothing compared to the pristine layout before her. Handing the man now at the front desk her member card, pulled from a pocket on her gym back, she had a short conversation before the man shoved a clipboard in the twins’ direction.
“Just fill in the information, please,” he instructed, while Temari looked on expectantly.
Looking over the sheet in front of him, Sakon picked up the pen with his left hand and began scribbling down the information, pausing at the address when he nearly wrote their old one. Glancing at his brother, the elder man held up both hands to signify the building and apartment number they lived in. Sakon had already grown accustomed to where he needed to go without having to care about the street or numbers on the buildings, he knew which was theres just by looking at a crack in the sidewalk or the pain of the complex. Meanwhile, Ukon had not. While he was comfortable with moving around Ceno without problem, he didn't go far except to the store for work or several other small places not far from there. But he liked to know such information for things like this, anyhow, and as Sakon finished he could only shake his head. Sometimes he was amazed that they were even brothers, often thinking perhaps it was a mistake made long ago back in the hospital. If only he could prove it with the fact that they didn't look alike...
"We're staying an hour, then we go." The blond muttered to his companions as he pushed the clipboard back toward the man behind the desk.
“I’ll say however long I want, thank you very much,” Temari replied as if there was no question about it. And she would take however long she needed, because as far as she was concerned, he could walk right out when he was done. She stalked off to the women’s locker room, coming back no more than a minute or two later, minus her gym back and carrying three water bottles, handing the other two to the twins.
“So can you children behave yourselves, or do I need to supervise you?”
Ukon took up the water bottle with a nod of thanks, letting the bottom dangle as he moved his hand and swirled the water inside. Sakon took his as well, arm bent with his hand near his shoulder as he rocked the bottle cap to end, back and forth.
"We'll be good, mommy," said the younger with a sarcastic smile before walking off to go sit at a strange machine in which one had to pull in large padded panels to work the muscles while sitting. Ukon sighed as he glanced back at Sakon and shrugged.
"Thanks for the water," he then began away from her to go do whatever looked least tiring.
Nodding as if she didn’t entirely believe them, Temari made her way to the treadmills, choosing the first open one, and stepping on. It had been so long since she’d actually done a real workout, so she was sure to be out of shape, panning over the buttons and choosing a lower setting then normal. Without the usual strain of her routine, she was able to keep an eye on the boys-Sakon, in particular-where she normally would have had difficulty. She was thankful to finally be getting him out of the house and into public, as being seen around would only strengthen their case: the more friends they made in the community, the less likely it was that they would get caught, and even if an investigation was launched, good references were always helpful. They’d made a small handful so far, but not as many as Temari would like, and she was slowly working on improving that, starting with getting either of them to appear with her in public. Putting off the positive family image was a must, but it was sort of hard when daddy refused to hold mommy’s hand.
Sakon glanced at himself, his brother, and then Temari in the mirror taking up the entire wall in front of him, before closing his eyes. At least here he could get a little alone time, aside from being surrounded by strangers, he could get lost in thought. And he did, gladly, counting out the sets on the machine and having pretty much any lack of thought throughout the few moments he'd sat down. After a first set he cracked open the water bottle, but only took a small swig, then capped it off and started the second set. He'd come more often, if it meant having quiet time like this.
Ukon, too, seemed to be enjoying himself enough. He felt strange, working out at a gym which could easily be considered one of his biggest enemies, but after tying his hair back out of his face (all of it, not just a section) he worked on his abs. He had a headache, but it didn't bother him as much as his usual migraines did, and eventually it drifted away when he refused to even think about it. Chest not hurting, lungs expanding for breath as his heart beat naturally, Ukon finished his first set about the same time as Sakon.
Watching the boys with only a mild interest, she made note of each of their sets and reps, and really for the first time processed how strong the both of them were. Sakon she wasn’t surprised about, with the way he manhandled her sometimes, but she’d never really known that Ukon had it in him, hence her earlier reservations. But when it became apparent that he could hold his own against the other weight lifters in the building, Temari couldn’t help but be mildly surprised. He didn’t look the type, but maybe that was because she knew a little about him. But she could still swear that even the first time she’d met him, he’d looked somewhat sickly. Then, of course, there was the question of how the both of them could make the simple act of lifting weights and getting disgustingly sweaty actually look good.
By this point in time Sakon had moved over to a bench press, beckoning over his brother who sighed and took position at the head of the bench. "What, are you trying to show off?" Ukon asked as he glanced at Sakon laying down, going and picking up two fifteen pound weights with little effort put into it. Sakon waited for his brother to put the pins in before lifting, Ukon waiting and almost hoping Sakon dropped it. "No," Sakon said between presses. "I haven't done these, in a while," he finished a small set and Ukon blinked slowly. "I think you are, her royal highness, as you like to call her, is right over there." He nodded in the mirror and Sakon looked, briefly, before going and beginning another round. Ukon crossed his arms as he continued to watch for signs of distress. Sakon would rather die than show a sign of distress, but luckily Ukon knew what to look for. There was nothing. "She's been watching, though I think she likes to pretend she isn't."
"She's keeping tabs, make sure we don't fuck anyone over." Sakon replied with a shrug after setting the weight down and shaking off his hands. Ukon went and added five pounds to either side while his little bro pushed hair from his face.
"To make sure you don't fuck anyone over, I don't do that."
"Not any more. Lately."
It was all Temari could do to not stare too much or too long. Not because she didn't want to draw any attention to herself though it, but because if she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing, she might hurt herself. But when she couldn't keep from staring, she slowed the track down, then altogether stopping, jumping off the machine, even though she hadn't even reached a half hour, making her way over to the weight machines. While she didn't have much reason to work on her lats, she took up a place at the pull down bar, adjusting the machine, before turning her attention back to the twins and giving them a smirk. She had a much better view from here and she ran less of a risk of falling down when she was sitting.
"She just got off the treadmill," Ukon prompted as he continued to spot his brother as Sakon lifted fifty pounds with only some effort put into it. The two looked at each other and Sakon shook his head as best he could from his position.
"Why are you telling me? She could be on the moon and I wouldn't care." Their conversation went on as such for the remainder of Sakon's set, and Ukon then put the weights away with his brother was finished. "Aren't you going to do it?" Sakon asked, but the elder just shook his head.
"Can't," Ukon said lamely. "It's happening." The two stared at each other again, waiting, but nothing seemed to start or finish. However, Sakon saw a small but quick intake of breath and looked down after putting his hand on his brothers shoulder. "Breath man," the blond muttered.
As Temari watched on, she couldn't help but notice something that registered in her mind as a little strange. It took her a few more reps, pulling the bar to her chest, then letting it back up, before it dawned on her: not only was Sakon touching his brother, willingly, but it was in a definitely non-violent way. Combined with the fact that the two had seemingly stopped what they were doing, it didn't take much for the mental process to go from there. She hadn't even thought when Ukon said that he would be okay that there were still things out of his control, and that such things would not bode well for the three. As far as she knew, they'd had no problem at the hospital so far, since her own first visit there, but if something were to happen, she knew full well that paramedics would be called, and then one of the brothers, depending on which was still conscious, would put up a fight and insist that it wasn't needed and...
Shit. Temari was mentally running through every curse she knew, as she let the bar down, not even bothering to change the pin to do another set, watching tentatively. Could she actually trust Sakon not to put up a fuss, to act like a normal person in Ceno would? He'd been good so far, but this was just another scenario they hadn't encountered yet. She couldn't leave him alone over there. Standing, she weaved through the various machines to where they were, kneeling to one side.
"Everything okay over here?" It was a stupid question, but she could think of nothing better to say.
Ukon looked down at Temari and nodded, he looked to be in a bit of distress, but nothing like the attack she had witnessed some weeks ago. "It'll pass, they always do," he choked out, swallowing and then sitting down on the bench. Sakon removed his hand and sighed heavily with his hand running through his hair. Mentally he was telling himself not to throw something, not to shout angrily, not to panic. Sometimes he wasn't sure if the small attacks were better or worse than the large full-blown ones. These last longer. Much, much longer.
"Did you bring the shot?" The blond then asked as he heard his brother's quick suck of air, but Ukon managed to nod. "Don't get it," he muttered. "I don't need it. It's my last one."
Glancing up briefly, Temari noticed a gym employee giving them a bit of a funny look, along with a few other patrons. She shook her head, and the employee gave her a short nod in return, but didn’t turn to leave. Of course they didn’t want to have to call in medical personnel if they didn’t have to, but if things went any further, they also didn’t want to be held liable. She understood why he hovered, but it still made her uncomfortable as she turned back to the brothers to address a more important matter.
“Last one? If you need more, the hospital’s great,” she said in the softest, most even tone she could muster. No use getting annoyed or defensive right now, as it would only make things worse. “We’ll get you more of whatever you need, but if they have to call the paramedics, there’s going to be a lot more trouble…”
"I'm fine," the man hissed. It was the first time he'd been coarse with her, and he regretted instantly as he looked down at her with a somewhat sad expression in his eyes. Taking up the water bottle he'd been given earlier, he drank from it and left to go stand outside. Sakon watched, hands fisted on his hips before they slid into a crossed position on his chest.
"It'll pass," Sakon assured Temari with a small shrug, trying to pass off his worry as nothing. "Just give it a few minutes."
Temari wondered if that was supposed to be any comfort, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. As such, she ignored Sakon’s words, walking away from him, through the maze of machines, towards the short hall that led towards the locker rooms. She was done. She had no more desire to stay here, regardless of whether everything was going to be “okay”. It was apparent that she couldn’t even make a public appearance without things going to shit, and she cursed that every second. She might have been better off back in Cena. At least then she wouldn’t be on her toes every hour of every day. At least then she would have her apartment back and be able to get some peace and quiet, alone, relaxing, without having to worry about what she was going to make for lunch or for dinner or whether she’d done the laundry. Of course, she couldn’t help but further wonder when she’d become the dutiful housewife. Perhaps it had happened so gradually that she had just noticed it, adding a piece at a time until she came to this point. That she cursed too, and those sorts of thoughts persisted as she gathered her gym back from the borrowed locker, shoving her water bottle into it roughly. When she emerged again, she waited to see if Sakon was going to join her…she didn’t care either way, but she couldn’t see him staying here on his own when it had been so hard to get him to come in the first place.
Sakon did follow, leaving his water behind and coming up beside Temari with a scowl on his face. He could see Ukon through the window ahead, but was sure the man had just sat down to dwell in his own pity. Ukon did that a lot, actually, but no one ever saw him do it. As weak as he was physically, he hated to admit his problem nonetheless.
Leading Temari outside, Sakon didn't look down at his brother as he stepped out onto the lot and let his arms hang at his side. "I'm sorry, Temari." The blond heard Ukon mutter as there was shuffling off feet and the elder stood. "I didn't want to ruin your day, you two should stay if you want."
Shaking her head, Temari mustered a smile for Ukon. She really wasn’t mad at him, just the situation, and she was stressed out more from his brother than anything else, so at times she came off as more annoyed than she meant to, and she hoped he could see through it as easily as she thought he could.
“Don’t worry about, it’s not your fault,” she reassured him, “and besides, we should get going anyhow. It’s probably going to start raining again.”
And it was true: as she glanced back up, the clouds had darkened again, from the light gray they had been when they left the apartment to a steely, intimidating gray, that meant it would probably rain on them on the way home. At least it wasn’t a long walk.
The two followed close behind Temari, nearly in line with her as it were, in total silence. Sakon was still trying to keep calm himself, stay level-headed, because while he knew Ukon could not control the problem this wasn't the first time something as such had happened. He just needed to sit down with a book or something, now that he didn't have the studio to go disappear to whenever he pleased, he had nothing to really settle his thoughts. He'd go to AIS for hours at a time, work on developing prints or making schedules, anything that kept his mind off of what bothered him until it was just obsolete.
Meanwhile, Ukon was rather blank in thought. He felt horrible for ruining Temari's day, and he half wished he could make it up to her. The half that didn't argued that it wasn't his fault he was born with this deformity, a malfunction, an irregularity in his body. That half said it was okay to feel upset about it, but it was not okay to want to fix something that he had no hold over either. Which, was partially true, and so slowly he let the idea go for now. Though he knew he wouldn't come out of his room for days after this, it was how he was. Not so much a baby, like his brother, but he sulked like the rest of the world when they got depressed. Ukon would come out at night, for work and food mostly, and disappear before either could see him again.
The entire trip back, Temari stewed in her own thoughts, all sorts of thoughts about her life and her new little “family”, even though it didn’t resemble that in the least. It was better than her brothers and father, to be sure, but that wasn’t saying a whole lot. It wasn’t very hard to beat out her family growing up. Nowhere her train of thought went managed to bring her any relief. She was simply tired of life, and had no immediate cure or fix, which bothered her more than anything. She hated not being able to fix something. And by default, that anger got filtered in Sakon’s direction, even where it wasn’t actually his fault, even where she’d been the one in control. But she couldn’t blame the sick one, and she didn’t want to blame herself, for her ego’s sake, so instead she silently fumed at him for being the bane of her existence, hating him more and more with every second, even though she didn’t really have it in her to hate him.
Stomping up all four flights of stairs, when she finally got to the apartment, she didn’t hesitate to drop her back on the kitchen table and stalk off to the bedroom, pushing the door shut with more force than she’d expected so that it slammed shut. It made no difference anymore, and instead she just curled up under the covers. She would sleep it off. That was all she could think to do, really, because the rest of her energy was going towards trying not to break down. She was getting good at bottling things up again, a talent she’d lost years ago.
The twins looked at each other, rather gravely at that, before they parted ways. Ukon pulled a Houdini and disappeared into his room after grabbing several bottles of medication out of the kitchen, the door closing silently as if it never existed behind him. He hoped to just not exist for a while, perhaps he'd black out again from too much medication in his body; he just wouldn't die because unfortunately for him he never did. Sometimes he wondered if he could die, wondering that if he were shot or stabbed would he finally release life and move on to the next. It was a mystery.
Sakon pulled off his shirt and threw it onto the couch, boots being kicked to the door with soft thuds that didn't have quite the impact he wanted. He would have picked them up and thrown them, thrown anything heavy and in reach, if he didn't feel so helpless. It wasn't his fault Ukon was sick, and for once he clearly couldn't be Temari's problem (though with his luck he was anyway), so he didn't have the want any longer to explode and be angry. For the first time in a long time he didn't want to scream and yell, pitch a fit and break things, he just wanted to sigh heavily and say "so is life".
He didn't, but he would have liked to.
Quietly he pushed open the bedroom door, unsure why he was drawn there, and closed it with a click behind him. "You want to hit something, don't you?" Sakon asked softly, really not trying to be mean. His words were spoken from inside, not something on the surface, and he knew of her pain. He could see it, even as Temari lay there curled up on the bed, and saw feelings he himself had more often than all the damn time. "Break something? Scream or yell? Bitch? Go on, do it." Sakon hardly realized what he was saying, he couldn't fathom why, but he felt that if he just let her do it and told her that it was okay to, she'd feel better. In turn, he supposed, he would feel better too.
“I want you to fuck off,” Temari sneered, and turned towards the wall, otherwise ignoring him. It was hugely hypocritical of her, to shun Sakon’s gesture of concern when that was what she was always hoping for. Perhaps it was because he was right. She had a definite urge to break something, or someone, and she didn’t want to give in to that urge. Her family had an inclination towards violent tendencies, and she tried not to give in to hers wherever possible. It would have been even nicer to be held and comforted, but not only would he likely never offer that, she wouldn’t sink that low.
She wasn’t even sure what it was exactly that she was angry about, just that something made her feel so pissed off that she wanted to see someone else hurt just as much as she did, preferably physically. But without even knowing what her anger was directed, she didn’t know what or who exactly she should hurt for the maximum amount of stress relief. Heck, she'd even hurt him if that's what he wanted to see, because she only on the border of caring what she lashed out at. But perhaps he would take pity on her for once and give her her space, as unlikely as it seemed.
Shaking his head, the blond leaned against the wall beside the door. "I do that with or without your permission," he said lightly. It was very hypocritical of Temari, Sakon saw, for her to say such a thing when it was clear otherwise. Currently she may have wanted him to go away, it was almost a high chance, but Sakon didn't just "go away" like it was nothing. Arms crossing, his steel blue eyes looked at Temari across the room as he leaned there. The wall was not comfortable, especially when your back was over the light switch. He moved, fabric catching and turning off the light leaving the room dim with only the rays from the window to guide them. "So are you going to sulk all day over an accident or what?"
“Maybe,” Temari replied, voice dull now, but contrary to her tone, she turned back over, shirking off the covers and sitting up. She still refused to look at him, her eyes instead concentrated on the rumpled lump of cloth and fluff. She didn’t want to look him in the face for once, because as much as she would have liked to, she was afraid of what she might see. She managed to make it to her feet eventually, though, and slowly made her way over to him. She couldn’t help it if he had something of a magnetic presence.
Stopping front of him, her eyes slowly traveled from the ground, to his feet, traveling up until they hit his eyes. She really didn’t like what she saw there, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what bothered her about it. Standing there, pondering what to do, she decided it was just time to give in.
Quicker than she’d ever done anything she could remember, she’d raised her hand, out to the side, only to whip it back towards his face. That goddamned beautiful face that she loved and hated every second of every day. But she loved it more than she hated it, which annoyed her even more.
The man made no sound as he was slapped, half expecting it and half thinking she was going to punch him in the chest instead or even kick him. His head turned away as the echo of the slap resounded in the room before fading, his face to the right and dark eyes downcast. "About damn time," he muttered. With purposeful resistance he opened his jaw, left hand rising to touch the fiery skin upon his cheek. "Feel better?"
“No, now I just feel shittier. Happy?”
And feel shittier Temari did. Retreating back to the bed, she didn’t even bother to pull the covers back over her. Because now she just felt guilty on top of everything else. If she’d actually had any desire to cause him pain, she knew several better ways, but her childish gesture, combined with the fact that he didn’t actually deserve it this time just made her feel all the worse. Now she really wanted to be left alone, even more so than before.
Sakon wasn't about to leave her alone. He'd leave her the hell alone when it was either made perfectly clear that he needed to get the hell away, or if he wanted to be alone himself. Unfortunately he just picked a horrible time to not want to be alone.
"Why? I'm sure you can justify that." He smirked and sat on the edge of the bed. "Always do, princess. Stop being so high and mighty, you're not dying and you can go to the gym tomorrow." He didn't see the big picture here, the real problem. He couldn't.
Temari sighed deeply. No, this had nothing to do with the gym, but how could she even begin to explain it to him? She could hardly explain it to herself. And what was this act he was putting on now? He suddenly cared how she felt? Just thinking about it was making things infinitely worse. He couldn’t understand, he couldn’t actually give a damn, so she saw no point in pretending unless he was toying with her. Not in the most rational of moods, it seemed the only logical option.
Sitting back up, there was no pause this time. She simply began pounding at his back with all the strength she had, fists balled. Now this, this was what felt good. She didn’t think she could actually hurt him in such a manner, but it was therapeutic none the less.
It took all of his energy left not to laugh as he felt the first of many poundings upon his back. Sakon shook his head slowly and waited. She really couldn't hurt him, not in this manner anyhow, and it actually felt pretty good. Any kink he had in his shoulders was worked out instantly. Just let her go, finish, get it all out.
For the better part of two or three minutes, Temari let every little thing out that she could out through her fists, but when her energy ran out, she collapsed against his back. It started with a sob, more of a convulsion than anyway as she tried everything she could to hold it in. She shouldn’t have started in the first place, because she knew where it led. But it was undeniable that a few unwanted, unwelcomed tears fell, and then a few more before she was thrusting her arms around his waist, pulling herself close, and downright bawling. The last time she’d done something like this was after she’d moved into her apartment when her father disappeared, and she’d vowed she’d never do it again. That thought did nothing to stop it.
Sakon could feel her tears against his bare back, and he had no idea what to do as she held tight to him. He didn't know what to say, his mind couldn't process that. What did one do in something like this? Touch her hand and say everything was going to be alright, or just let her sit there until it was over? The blond had not a clue as he sighed slowly, and after a long time, he put his hand on her wrist. It was all he could muster, and he didn't even think about it. Instinct told him to do it.
For once, Temari could actually say that Sakon made the right choice. All she wanted was to let it all out now, get it done with until another four years would pass and it would come time again. But his touch was comforting none the less, and she was thankful that, of all the things he could have done or said, that was it. Not too little, not too much, just as quickly as the tears had come, she dried them again. But there was still one, very small thing nagging at her.
“I need to know for good,” she finally managed, once the sobs had subsided, still leaning her head against his back. “Just tell me, yes or no, do you actually even give a damn? About me?”
These were not the sorts of questions you could just ask Sakon and expect a straight out answer. These were the sorts that he liked to dance around, perhaps avoid altogether if possible, and he definitely refused to answer if he damn well had the chance. Sitting there, he stared at the floor as he wondered whether he could answer and, if he did, what would it be? Yes. It had to be yes, he wouldn't be sitting here if it was no. But what if it was no? Was this just some game Sakon hadn't realized he'd been playing? No... impossible, it had to be yes. But... how did one answer that when one didn't like to think about it in the first place?
"Just answer the question, all you gotta say is yes or no...please..."
Temari hated that she was at the point of begging, but she needed to know. She said she'd wait, but she was an impatient person, and she needed to justify everything that she was working towards. It wasn't so much for his sake as for her own: she needed to know what she was working with, where she stood, to get an honest idea of how far she had to go and what she had to do. She simply couldn't stand not being able to work out the problem. She wished she could have been more resolute on giving up emotions like she'd wanted to. It would have made things so much easier if she could have found it in herself to be completely heartless and cruel like her younger brother, but still some sense of human decency. And while she was by no means stupid, emotions weren't something you could plug into a formula, they weren't something to which you could apply a grand unified theory. So since that was what she was now dealing with, all she needed was a hint. Just a hint would be more than enough to go on.
He sat there for a few more moments, sighed, and gave a shudder of a nod. "Yeah," Sakon muttered. It could hardly be even that, more like a croak of a word than a mumble of something. He couldn't look at her, not even her hands on his waist, and he stared to the floor ahead of him. His eyes met the point of the wall and floor, looking at the perfect crease between one and the other, and he hoped that she didn't make a big deal of this. Sakon just couldn't manage to say no, even though he'd wanted to; for his own sanity.
“That’s all I needed to hear.”
Leaving a barely-there kiss between his shoulder blades, Temari took her arms back to herself. She realized on some level that he could be lying, but something told her that he wasn’t, not to mention that he was terrible at lying anyway. It was so relieving to actually hear and no just assume from the things he did. She didn’t like assuming things based on actions; words were so much more concrete. She lay back down, pulling the blankets back over her in the process.
The only difference now was that grin that she’d adopted.
“I know it’s hard for you, so I really do appreciate it…”
All Sakon could do was let out a massive sigh that could blow down trees as he listened to her. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to come out of his answer, what her reply would be, he'd expected more than a kiss though. He'd expected something worse, or whatever could be worse for Sakon that is. The man leaned back on his palms, the past few minutes having hit him so hard he wasn't entirely conscious of anything else that was happening. Again his mind had to wrap around information and process things he wasn't ready to process. This, to Sakon, was worse than torture---or having to work with their crazy smiley boss at any rate. He wanted to ask Temari "now what?" He needed to know what to do, maybe be given a manual to read so he knew where to go after the step that had just been made. Did he go away and let her be lonely, or stay even in silence?
After there was a long silence, Temari wondered if she’d actually managed to break him. She didn’t think that there was a repair shop for obnoxious, asshole boyfriends though, so she was going to have to do it herself. Pity he hadn’t come with any sorts of instructions. Things would have been so much easier if he had. But what to say, really? As it stood, she understood that they were very different people when it came to the concepts of love and affection. For her, it was something to strive for, the best thing you could obtain, as it fit so well into the perfect little family scheme. Perhaps not with him, but she wanted it. Unfortunately, that was what she got, and while she was learning to live with it, he seemed a lot less open to the concept, from the contradictory things he said and did. And now, with that admission, she was left to assume one thing: he cared, somewhere deep down, but from what she could see, he didn’t seem to understand. In her mind, it seemed like love, tenderness, devotion, were all to him, as murder, lying, and scamming were to her. Completely foreign concepts that neither could begin to fathom. So she could sympathize, but that didn’t make it any easier.
And of course, she was only going on her personal analysis, which had let her down before when it came to him. But if he wouldn’t tell her what was on his mind, she couldn’t even start to do anything. It was best to make a guess and run with, the adjust course depending on the reactions. Like a way-too-personal scientific experiment.
“What’re you thinking?” she finally asked calmly, breaking the silence when it became a bit too unbearable. “I’m curious.”
Sakon gave a shrug and looked at her, the look a mix between defeat and confusion, and then let his eyes move elsewhere. He could feel the unused and dusty emotions on his face, they were awkward and alien; he didn't like it. Shaking his head Sakon wasn't aware of any word that could answer her question as his thoughts were neither coherent nor even really a thought. They were more like a string of images and words hanging by fragile hooks, some falling off and others combining with more images or words. It was all very cumbersome to look at, if drawn or created, and the beginnings of an ache stirred at the back of Sakon's head.
"I don't really fucking know," he told her as honestly as he could. "I'm thinking I'm screwed, need mental help, and have an urge to kick Ukon's ass." Sakon tried his hardest to put it as bluntly as possible; detail wasn't his thing unless it was in a photograph.
Temari sighed again, letting her hand go out to linger at the small of his back, more to let him know she was there than anything else. This was more difficult than anything she’d ever encountered, and confusing to boot. She got that he cared, but she couldn’t place what was conflicting him so much, mostly from her inability to understand him. It was so easy for her, that she’d hardly stopped to consider him, and in her drive to change him so much, she had forgotten to take into account that an instant turn around might not be physically possible. But she was so impatient, she didn’t want to wait. She’d dreamt it a few times, both sleeping and waking, that he would just finally understand how these things went and become the normal sort of man who would propose to her and marry her and raise their family with her so she could have her happy ending.
“If you need a punching bag, we’ll buy you one…you shouldn’t wail on him so much.” It wasn’t her place to be changing the brothers’ relationship now, but she couldn’t help but put in a plea for her friend. “I’d get you help if we could. But we can’t, because you could never be truthful and that wouldn’t help. But tell me. I’m not as stupid as I might seem.”
"Ukon really deserves it," Sakon replied in a very honest tone. "I don't just hit him because I feel better, though that is an upside." He gave a nod, smirking and pretending things were fine. Yeah, fine. "But I don't need help, fucking you try to set me up with anyone and I'm going back to Cena for more than one reason." He sounded serious, glancing back at her over his left shoulder, but then gave yet another sigh for the day. "I'm fine."
“You’re not fine. Don’t try to lie to me, I can see through you better than glass. Why can’t you just let me be here for you? I’ll listen if you have something to say, I’m not that much of a bitch that I’d ignore you.”
While she smirked at him, Temari was anything but happy, and her lighthearted, persistent tone merely a mask. She didn’t think he’d give in, but it couldn’t hurt to try. With brute force, she might be able to work a few things out of him, get some more details to fill in the blanks, make more accurate guesses, so that she could try the right things first instead of working on a hit or miss system.
"I hate talking," Sakon stated as he slowly got to his feet and put his hands on his waist, head leaning back as he looked at the ceiling. "I don't want to talk about me. Not much shit to talk about anyway. Just a bastard right?" He didn't look at her, he wasn't asking for a reply, he knew the answer. It was yes. Temari could say differently, anyone could if they wanted, but he knew it was truer than the sky being naturally blue.
“Wrong.”
As much as Temari would have liked to stay lying down-would she ever get to go back to sleep like she wanted to?-she once again pulled herself out from under the covers, sliding off the edge of the bed to stand next to him, lifting her hand to his shoulder and leaning into his arm.
“Just a little confused. I could help you sort these things out if you’d just let me though.” A little more annoyance crept into her voice that she would have liked, but maybe he needed to see that she was absolutely serious, and not spouting more pointlessly romantic crap. “It’s easier to sort things with two people, rather than one.”
"What is it you want me to say?" He asked, also annoyed because he just wanted this over with, but also curious and clearly confused. Sakon didn't like how vulnerable he sounded when he spoke to her currently, it made him worry that he'd gone soft in the time with her. If so, he really would have to punch Ukon later. Sighing, he looked down at Temari's face and shook his head. "I don't know what to do."
“You need to help me understand is what you need to do,” Temari replied as gently as she could. Tenderness wasn’t the easiest thing for her either, but she definitely had the upper hand. It was difficult to help him without sounding bossy or overbearing though. “It’s hard, I know, this is too gushy for someone like you but trust me when I say it will help a lot.”
She paused for a moment as something clicked in her mind. Something she hadn’t yet thought of. She was making all these guesses, of course, but when it came down to it, she knew so little about him, and his life before she entered it, that for all she knew, her speculation could easily be wildly inaccurate. And that thought gave her a new idea that would kill two birds with one stone.
“But that’s a pretty tough place to start. That’s got to be way deep down. Maybe we should start with something easier…practice, I guess, for opening up a little? What I’m getting at is…” She paused again, unsure of how this was going to go over. “Tell me about you. I only know five months of the story. What about the rest?"
Sakon considered this, thought of what he might tell her, and almost wasn't able to stop his cringe. Temari was a big girl, but she was just far better off not knowing in his opinion. What if something happened and she was interrogated about himself or Ukon? She'd be able to say she didn't know without a guilty thought in her mind, she'd be free from incrimination. He couldn't tell her, he realized he had just worried for her, and therefor he really could not tell her.
"It's better if you don't know," said the blond as he turned to face her. His right hand came out and ran across her stomach to hip, pulling her closer, his left hand wound its way up her back to her neck and tugged gently at her silky hair. His lips kissed hers, trying to force her to forget what they were talking about. He'd done it before, he had to do it again. Had to.
It wasn’t hard at all for Temari to recognize what it was that Sakon was trying to do, so she only indulged him for a few seconds, and then more for herself than anything. If she didn’t enjoy his kisses so much, she would have yanked away immediately, but instead let her arms come up around his neck for the time being. It served the double purpose of keeping her from going all out on him again, as she really didn’t see why he couldn’t just tell her. She was prepared for pretty much anything he would have to say, and had probably assumed the worst already from what little she did know. She’d have liked to continue on, much like he probably wanted to just to get her to stop persisting on the subject, but unfortunately, he’d only piqued her curiosity more.
“But I think I should know,” she insisted when she had finally pulled herself away, having calmed herself sufficiently. “You know all my dirty little secrets, right? So it’s only fair.”
Sakon gave a weary sound as she pulled away. "Dirty little secrets as in that little fucker of a brother who stormed into my studio and knocked me the fuck around? Yeah, fair compensation." He sat on the bed and took her hand, kissing the palm to try and distract her again. He wasn't about to confess his sins to her this easily, which basically was what she was asking considering where it came from, and had to try to derail her again.
Sitting with him but allowing her hand to linger in his, Temari wondered if Sakon hadn’t yet figured out that she was stubborn as a mule, and that this was hardly enough to convince her to stop. Her free arm came up around his shoulders, pulling herself a little closer so that she could lean on him again.
“Alright then,” she said, with something of a reluctant tone. “There’s not a lot more to tell, but my father was an abusive, neglectful bastard, my mom died when I was three, my youngest brother is a total psychopath, my other brother is a drug dealer, and I once stole a couple shirts from a clothing store. Now would you just tell me? Don’t worry, you’re not gonna scare me.”
He shook his head, really going to hate himself for telling her this, but he would be brief and therefore it might be okay. "Our father killed our mother, she wasn't worth the time of day really. I killed the man at six, he was a fucking bastard if ever there was one." Sakon couldn't look at her as he spoke, eyes staring at the floor as memories that he'd suppressed came flooding back. "I took out a small squad before Ukon and I were brought to fucksville, Cena." Eyes raising from the floor to the wall he shook his head. That wasn't right... his story sounded so wrong on his tongue, but it was all he could conjure up; Ukon's side of the story. The side that everyone was told to believe, Sakon had once known otherwise.
“Good,” Temari murmured softly, nuzzling into his arm. “Jackass deserved it anyway, I’m sure.”
How many times had she considered doing the same? How many times had she woken up, sweaty and shaking from the nightmares, only to wander into the kitchen, pick up the butcher knife, and consider slitting her own father’s throat? He was dead to her now, of course, but only because he had run off. Now she almost wished she’d done otherwise. It would have been so easy, she realized. And she would have been doing her own self a favor. She knew she should think less of Sakon for it, really, but she could only find herself respecting him a little. It wasn’t as if the system could be counted on to do things the right way, and whereas he had taken things into his own hands, she’d sat by and let things continue to worsen until they reached a breaking point.
“Is that all then?” she pressed, but gently, not in her normal, stark tone. She needed to say something to stop thinking of her own shortcomings.
Sakon toyed with several other pieces of information in his mind before looking down at Temari and, for reason he couldn't explain, stroked her hair. "I killed my boss back at AIS. I removed the bolt on the lamp, pushed one of our shitty models into it, and down it went." He had no remorse it sounded, his eyes emotionless as they stared down at the blond. "And, Ukon is a fucking prick." Might as well get that out, not that she would believe him. Yet.
By that point, Temari had more than figured he was responsible for the previous studio owner’s death. She could be mad at Sakon for lying to her in the first place, but she wasn’t up for being angry, and railing on him now would only ruin what they had going. She had gotten him to open up at least a little bit, and progress was progress.
“He’s a lot nicer than you are, so I don’t really think you have much place to say something like that,” she remarked softly, choosing to otherwise ignore the first part. Of course, Ukon had confessed to her before, when she hadn’t wanted to hear it, but she took his word for it when he said he was over that. Furthermore, regardless of what was in his past, as far as she was concerned, he’d been a whole heck of a lot nicer to her.
The blond shrugged. "Alright, fine." Sakon said, knowing this was her reaction. Ukon was an actor, one that was very good at what he did and hid behind a perpetual mask to cover up all the things he'd done in his life. Things he still did when no one was looking... things he wanted to do. The medication settled him down, but his dreams were vivid and filled with pain that wasn't his own. "So, are we done with twenty questions?"
“If you want to be,” Temari replied, shrugging slightly. “But I’m just going to ask you more later. You know I’ll get it out of you eventually, so it’s up to you whether you want to get it all over with now or wait.”
She was being dead honest, because she wasn’t going to give up on this. Not if he was going to be the rest of her life. She needed to know everything she could, because the more she knew, the more control she had. She absolutely hated the fact that she had no control, not over him, not over herself, and as delusional as it might have been to try, she had to. Something wouldn’t let her stop until she had all the answers she wanted. At the very least, she was beginning to learn to trust him, rather than questioning everything he said, as she had slowly learned what a poor bluffer he was. Even now she could sense that perhaps he was leaving something out. Not a lie, per se, but something else important that would put things in context.
"I have nothing to tell you," Sakon told her with one simple nod. "And anything else you wouldn't believe because Ukon is 'a lot nicer' than I am." He gave a smirk, jokingly mocking her as he stood up and went to the dresser to find some new pants now that he'd sat around in the ones from the gym. "You could ask him yourself. Piss him off enough I'm sure he won't be nice about anything." The blonds back was to Temari, but he had no smile on his face. Sakon wasn't lying, all it took was to get Ukon angry even a smidgen sometimes and he was off like a rocket. Sakon only threw Ukon around to get back at him for when his own ass was kicked in, but these days neither did anything and seemed less well off.
“Try me. I promise, cross my heart, that I’ll listen if you want to try to convince me otherwise.”
It was a dare, really, but her voice held no hint of that. Temari was sure that it would be impossible for him to convince her that her friend was all that bad. Maybe he didn’t know what Ukon had told her about at the bar that one time, or maybe he underestimated how much she could actually tolerate before she would actually become disgusted. Either way, she couldn’t easily see Sakon lying to her. He had no reason to try to pull that friendship apart, as there was no sort of competition or anything for him to be jealous over. If he actually had anything to say, she was ready to believe it, although she could only think that it would be something she already knew or just your normal sibling rivalry, which she would not and really could not play a part in.
Shaking his head and holding up his hand, Sakon left the room in silence. He wasn't sure what he was trying to prove, but he wanted to vomit every time Ukon opened his mouth to speak with Temari. Ukon was the bad guy here, not him, and it was time she saw that. Crossing over to the closed door of Ukon's room, he motioned for the blond to stand beside the door where she couldn't be seen, and then barged into the room.
"Leave me alone, Sakon," Ukon said tiredly from his bed where he lay with his back to the entrance of his room. After a pause, when Sakon didn't reply but didn't leave, Ukon rolled over and looked up at his younger twin. "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to finish that conversation from earlier," Sakon replied finally as he crossed his arms. Ukon gave a groan. "Sakon, what the hell? We've been over this already, let it go."
"Why, because you're a wuss and can't?" The two stared at each other, just as they had this morning.
Date: Sunday, September 16
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Profanity, drama, enough fluff to fill a pillow.
Summary: Somehow, Temari cons Sakon into going to the gym with her, who in turn cons Ukon into going with them, but while there, he has a little trouble, and so Temari takes them all home rather moodily. Drama ensues, and after a little episode between the brothers, starts packing her things...[dun dun DUN]
7:26AM, the rays of light shooting through the curtains in the living room dance on the wall, Sakon relaxing on the couch. He was grumbling something, the usual shit presumably, with his eyes closed and arm hiding the majority of his face. He hated that he was always up before the crack of dawn, no matter the day or time of year, and loathed that it was the weekend he was up early on. What's more, the idea had been planted into Temari's head that he was going to go with her to the gym. At first he'd laughed, thinking it was something of a cruel joke, until he saw that look in her eye and he knew it was no joke. Well, there was no way he'd go alone with her out to a public place that he couldn't control, so he'd forced Ukon into agreeing to join them. More than force, it had been guilt tripping, and the elder brother caved after several minutes of arguing.
"I'm not going to go to the gym with you," said Ukon with a shake of his head as he walked around the apartment with a bowl of some sort of spherical, puffy, cereal and medication in hand. Sakon followed him from one room to another, from kitchen to living room to Ukon's small bedroom in the back of the apartment.
"Why not? We'll throw you on a treadmill, it'll be loads of fucking fun!" Sakon said with a smirk as he leaned upon the bedroom door jamb, one arm over his head touching the top panel while the other hung on the doorknob.
"Right, because me and treadmills are great friends," shot Ukon with a roll of his eyes. Setting the bowl and medication down on the side table, he flopped onto his bed and lay on his side with his head on his fist. "Give me a better reason, other than suicide."
Sakon leaned back out the door and looked around for the pregnant blond of the household, but when he didn't see or hear her he resumed his stance. "Temari can't go alone," he justified. Ukon raised his visible, and pierced, brow in question; though more than one was on his mind.
"Well that's why she has you," he stated and picked up the handful of pills and threw them into his mouth. Tilting his head back, he swallowed, then continued conversation. "And, you called her Temari. You never call her that." He leaned forward on his hand as if he'd made a point, then motioned for Sakon to leave. The younger twin didn't, and the elder sighed. "I'm not going."
"You're going," Sakon said quickly before Ukon could even finish his statement. "Just lift some weights, you can. I know you can, I've seen you." With a sneer he shifted on his feet and then walked into the room, slamming the door. "You're not so fucking innocent, Ukon, you can run faster than I can and if you wanted probably lift more too."
"That was a long time ago," Ukon spat back as he sat up and their eyes locked. "A long damn time ago, I'm not going there again."
"Scared you'll like it? I know you used to..." Sakon was practically singing, and he could see the anger in his brothers eyes. "So, come with us."
"No, I'm not going."
The two could argue for hours, they had since they'd learned to speak and swear, but Ukon was tired tonight and didn't feel like bickering. It never got them anywhere, because one of them always lost---usually it was Ukon, these days, but in the past it had been different.
"You're going and you'll like it," Sakon snapped, stepping forward to meet his now standing brother. They glared at each other and Sakon smirked, but it was gone when Ukon's hand wrapped around the front of his throat.
"You want this again? Because I'll like it again if you do, little brother." Ukon smirked and shook his head. "I'll go, for her."
Ukon was slow getting out of bed this morning, usually sleeping in until eleven or so once he'd swallowed his daily pills that could kill him if not taken properly. He trudged through the apartment and slouched into a chair with his hands over his face, hiding his unadjusted eyes from the light.
"Hey, Temari, you ready?" Asked the pink haired brother, slowly putting his hands down and blinking into the glare coming through the window.
It would only figure that the one day Temari was exhausted enough to sleep in-and not for any real reason, either-she was made to wake up. How she would have loved to sleep in as well, but she had actually convinced Sakon to go somewhere with her, actually got him to get his lazy ass off the couch, and appear in public with her. And while she was equally glad that Ukon would be coming too, as she usually enjoyed his company, he wasn’t the stubborn one. Was it actually, physically possible that things might start to look up now? She banished the thought as she ran her hand through her hair then pulled it back into a tight ponytail. In her tank top and leggings, she did look a bit like she needed a work out, like she had been eating a little too much lately, and she sighed at the thought, somewhat happily, somewhat disappointedly.
“I’ll be out in a second,” she called from behind the closed bedroom door, making her final adjustments.
She wouldn’t be able to go to the gym for much longer, not with the types of workouts she did, and while she would still be able to get something in…the flexibility she was so happily accustomed to was soon going to go away, and who knew when she’d find the time to get back in shape with a newborn. Going to the gym now was just a comfort, something she knew she would miss, and that she wanted to savor now. When she was sure that he shoe laces were tied and she was comfortable in her attire, she took her leave of the bedroom, wandering to the kitchen where she made quick work of taking her morning vitamins then to the living room area, leaning against the door frame.
“You sure you want to come? Is it even…alright?” Temari asked, addressing Ukon and entirely unsure of herself. It felt rude to ask, but she’d hate to see something happen to her one source of sanity.
The two stood up, Sakon heading for the door while Ukon followed with slow steps and a wave of his hand. "I'm fine, I could use the exercise." He replied while glancing at his brother, who was yawning quietly in front of them, before turning his gaze back to Temari. "It's not like I'm going to be running a race, jogging won't kill me. Hasn't before."
"Right, because you love jogging." Murmured Sakon from the now open door as he faced them, motioning for the two to hurry it along. The sooner they left, the sooner they could come back, which meant the sooner he could not do anything.
Temari gave an exasperated sigh, as she’d found herself giving more and more often lately, as they were already arguing and most people hadn’t even had breakfast yet. She wasn’t sure that she could live with this for the rest of her life, and made a note to find more suitable, alternate arrangements, even if she had to move out on her own. But she didn’t say anything, grabbing her gym back from where she’d left it on the kitchen table and then following blindly to the door, taking the lead once they reached the street. She’d been to this particular gym a few days earlier to register accounts there, and she had been more than a little nervous as the woman at the counter had checked her ID. She’d found that a lot of places here in Ceno didn’t particularly check your ID against anything, just simply kept the number in the system, presumably for future reference if anyone should come looking for you, but it was still nerve wracking.
The streets were still damp from the rain that had plagued the city all week, although there seemed to be at least a short lull, long enough from them to actually get from building to building without getting soaking wet. The inside of the building itself was fairly typical, with the treadmills and weight machines and locker rooms on the first floor, with the tanning rooms and pool in what would have otherwise been the basement. And for what it was worth, it was actually clean and well kept. Her one attempt at a gym in Cena had been a huge mistake, and Celo gyms were useable, but nothing compared to the pristine layout before her. Handing the man now at the front desk her member card, pulled from a pocket on her gym back, she had a short conversation before the man shoved a clipboard in the twins’ direction.
“Just fill in the information, please,” he instructed, while Temari looked on expectantly.
Looking over the sheet in front of him, Sakon picked up the pen with his left hand and began scribbling down the information, pausing at the address when he nearly wrote their old one. Glancing at his brother, the elder man held up both hands to signify the building and apartment number they lived in. Sakon had already grown accustomed to where he needed to go without having to care about the street or numbers on the buildings, he knew which was theres just by looking at a crack in the sidewalk or the pain of the complex. Meanwhile, Ukon had not. While he was comfortable with moving around Ceno without problem, he didn't go far except to the store for work or several other small places not far from there. But he liked to know such information for things like this, anyhow, and as Sakon finished he could only shake his head. Sometimes he was amazed that they were even brothers, often thinking perhaps it was a mistake made long ago back in the hospital. If only he could prove it with the fact that they didn't look alike...
"We're staying an hour, then we go." The blond muttered to his companions as he pushed the clipboard back toward the man behind the desk.
“I’ll say however long I want, thank you very much,” Temari replied as if there was no question about it. And she would take however long she needed, because as far as she was concerned, he could walk right out when he was done. She stalked off to the women’s locker room, coming back no more than a minute or two later, minus her gym back and carrying three water bottles, handing the other two to the twins.
“So can you children behave yourselves, or do I need to supervise you?”
Ukon took up the water bottle with a nod of thanks, letting the bottom dangle as he moved his hand and swirled the water inside. Sakon took his as well, arm bent with his hand near his shoulder as he rocked the bottle cap to end, back and forth.
"We'll be good, mommy," said the younger with a sarcastic smile before walking off to go sit at a strange machine in which one had to pull in large padded panels to work the muscles while sitting. Ukon sighed as he glanced back at Sakon and shrugged.
"Thanks for the water," he then began away from her to go do whatever looked least tiring.
Nodding as if she didn’t entirely believe them, Temari made her way to the treadmills, choosing the first open one, and stepping on. It had been so long since she’d actually done a real workout, so she was sure to be out of shape, panning over the buttons and choosing a lower setting then normal. Without the usual strain of her routine, she was able to keep an eye on the boys-Sakon, in particular-where she normally would have had difficulty. She was thankful to finally be getting him out of the house and into public, as being seen around would only strengthen their case: the more friends they made in the community, the less likely it was that they would get caught, and even if an investigation was launched, good references were always helpful. They’d made a small handful so far, but not as many as Temari would like, and she was slowly working on improving that, starting with getting either of them to appear with her in public. Putting off the positive family image was a must, but it was sort of hard when daddy refused to hold mommy’s hand.
Sakon glanced at himself, his brother, and then Temari in the mirror taking up the entire wall in front of him, before closing his eyes. At least here he could get a little alone time, aside from being surrounded by strangers, he could get lost in thought. And he did, gladly, counting out the sets on the machine and having pretty much any lack of thought throughout the few moments he'd sat down. After a first set he cracked open the water bottle, but only took a small swig, then capped it off and started the second set. He'd come more often, if it meant having quiet time like this.
Ukon, too, seemed to be enjoying himself enough. He felt strange, working out at a gym which could easily be considered one of his biggest enemies, but after tying his hair back out of his face (all of it, not just a section) he worked on his abs. He had a headache, but it didn't bother him as much as his usual migraines did, and eventually it drifted away when he refused to even think about it. Chest not hurting, lungs expanding for breath as his heart beat naturally, Ukon finished his first set about the same time as Sakon.
Watching the boys with only a mild interest, she made note of each of their sets and reps, and really for the first time processed how strong the both of them were. Sakon she wasn’t surprised about, with the way he manhandled her sometimes, but she’d never really known that Ukon had it in him, hence her earlier reservations. But when it became apparent that he could hold his own against the other weight lifters in the building, Temari couldn’t help but be mildly surprised. He didn’t look the type, but maybe that was because she knew a little about him. But she could still swear that even the first time she’d met him, he’d looked somewhat sickly. Then, of course, there was the question of how the both of them could make the simple act of lifting weights and getting disgustingly sweaty actually look good.
By this point in time Sakon had moved over to a bench press, beckoning over his brother who sighed and took position at the head of the bench. "What, are you trying to show off?" Ukon asked as he glanced at Sakon laying down, going and picking up two fifteen pound weights with little effort put into it. Sakon waited for his brother to put the pins in before lifting, Ukon waiting and almost hoping Sakon dropped it. "No," Sakon said between presses. "I haven't done these, in a while," he finished a small set and Ukon blinked slowly. "I think you are, her royal highness, as you like to call her, is right over there." He nodded in the mirror and Sakon looked, briefly, before going and beginning another round. Ukon crossed his arms as he continued to watch for signs of distress. Sakon would rather die than show a sign of distress, but luckily Ukon knew what to look for. There was nothing. "She's been watching, though I think she likes to pretend she isn't."
"She's keeping tabs, make sure we don't fuck anyone over." Sakon replied with a shrug after setting the weight down and shaking off his hands. Ukon went and added five pounds to either side while his little bro pushed hair from his face.
"To make sure you don't fuck anyone over, I don't do that."
"Not any more. Lately."
It was all Temari could do to not stare too much or too long. Not because she didn't want to draw any attention to herself though it, but because if she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing, she might hurt herself. But when she couldn't keep from staring, she slowed the track down, then altogether stopping, jumping off the machine, even though she hadn't even reached a half hour, making her way over to the weight machines. While she didn't have much reason to work on her lats, she took up a place at the pull down bar, adjusting the machine, before turning her attention back to the twins and giving them a smirk. She had a much better view from here and she ran less of a risk of falling down when she was sitting.
"She just got off the treadmill," Ukon prompted as he continued to spot his brother as Sakon lifted fifty pounds with only some effort put into it. The two looked at each other and Sakon shook his head as best he could from his position.
"Why are you telling me? She could be on the moon and I wouldn't care." Their conversation went on as such for the remainder of Sakon's set, and Ukon then put the weights away with his brother was finished. "Aren't you going to do it?" Sakon asked, but the elder just shook his head.
"Can't," Ukon said lamely. "It's happening." The two stared at each other again, waiting, but nothing seemed to start or finish. However, Sakon saw a small but quick intake of breath and looked down after putting his hand on his brothers shoulder. "Breath man," the blond muttered.
As Temari watched on, she couldn't help but notice something that registered in her mind as a little strange. It took her a few more reps, pulling the bar to her chest, then letting it back up, before it dawned on her: not only was Sakon touching his brother, willingly, but it was in a definitely non-violent way. Combined with the fact that the two had seemingly stopped what they were doing, it didn't take much for the mental process to go from there. She hadn't even thought when Ukon said that he would be okay that there were still things out of his control, and that such things would not bode well for the three. As far as she knew, they'd had no problem at the hospital so far, since her own first visit there, but if something were to happen, she knew full well that paramedics would be called, and then one of the brothers, depending on which was still conscious, would put up a fight and insist that it wasn't needed and...
Shit. Temari was mentally running through every curse she knew, as she let the bar down, not even bothering to change the pin to do another set, watching tentatively. Could she actually trust Sakon not to put up a fuss, to act like a normal person in Ceno would? He'd been good so far, but this was just another scenario they hadn't encountered yet. She couldn't leave him alone over there. Standing, she weaved through the various machines to where they were, kneeling to one side.
"Everything okay over here?" It was a stupid question, but she could think of nothing better to say.
Ukon looked down at Temari and nodded, he looked to be in a bit of distress, but nothing like the attack she had witnessed some weeks ago. "It'll pass, they always do," he choked out, swallowing and then sitting down on the bench. Sakon removed his hand and sighed heavily with his hand running through his hair. Mentally he was telling himself not to throw something, not to shout angrily, not to panic. Sometimes he wasn't sure if the small attacks were better or worse than the large full-blown ones. These last longer. Much, much longer.
"Did you bring the shot?" The blond then asked as he heard his brother's quick suck of air, but Ukon managed to nod. "Don't get it," he muttered. "I don't need it. It's my last one."
Glancing up briefly, Temari noticed a gym employee giving them a bit of a funny look, along with a few other patrons. She shook her head, and the employee gave her a short nod in return, but didn’t turn to leave. Of course they didn’t want to have to call in medical personnel if they didn’t have to, but if things went any further, they also didn’t want to be held liable. She understood why he hovered, but it still made her uncomfortable as she turned back to the brothers to address a more important matter.
“Last one? If you need more, the hospital’s great,” she said in the softest, most even tone she could muster. No use getting annoyed or defensive right now, as it would only make things worse. “We’ll get you more of whatever you need, but if they have to call the paramedics, there’s going to be a lot more trouble…”
"I'm fine," the man hissed. It was the first time he'd been coarse with her, and he regretted instantly as he looked down at her with a somewhat sad expression in his eyes. Taking up the water bottle he'd been given earlier, he drank from it and left to go stand outside. Sakon watched, hands fisted on his hips before they slid into a crossed position on his chest.
"It'll pass," Sakon assured Temari with a small shrug, trying to pass off his worry as nothing. "Just give it a few minutes."
Temari wondered if that was supposed to be any comfort, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. As such, she ignored Sakon’s words, walking away from him, through the maze of machines, towards the short hall that led towards the locker rooms. She was done. She had no more desire to stay here, regardless of whether everything was going to be “okay”. It was apparent that she couldn’t even make a public appearance without things going to shit, and she cursed that every second. She might have been better off back in Cena. At least then she wouldn’t be on her toes every hour of every day. At least then she would have her apartment back and be able to get some peace and quiet, alone, relaxing, without having to worry about what she was going to make for lunch or for dinner or whether she’d done the laundry. Of course, she couldn’t help but further wonder when she’d become the dutiful housewife. Perhaps it had happened so gradually that she had just noticed it, adding a piece at a time until she came to this point. That she cursed too, and those sorts of thoughts persisted as she gathered her gym back from the borrowed locker, shoving her water bottle into it roughly. When she emerged again, she waited to see if Sakon was going to join her…she didn’t care either way, but she couldn’t see him staying here on his own when it had been so hard to get him to come in the first place.
Sakon did follow, leaving his water behind and coming up beside Temari with a scowl on his face. He could see Ukon through the window ahead, but was sure the man had just sat down to dwell in his own pity. Ukon did that a lot, actually, but no one ever saw him do it. As weak as he was physically, he hated to admit his problem nonetheless.
Leading Temari outside, Sakon didn't look down at his brother as he stepped out onto the lot and let his arms hang at his side. "I'm sorry, Temari." The blond heard Ukon mutter as there was shuffling off feet and the elder stood. "I didn't want to ruin your day, you two should stay if you want."
Shaking her head, Temari mustered a smile for Ukon. She really wasn’t mad at him, just the situation, and she was stressed out more from his brother than anything else, so at times she came off as more annoyed than she meant to, and she hoped he could see through it as easily as she thought he could.
“Don’t worry about, it’s not your fault,” she reassured him, “and besides, we should get going anyhow. It’s probably going to start raining again.”
And it was true: as she glanced back up, the clouds had darkened again, from the light gray they had been when they left the apartment to a steely, intimidating gray, that meant it would probably rain on them on the way home. At least it wasn’t a long walk.
The two followed close behind Temari, nearly in line with her as it were, in total silence. Sakon was still trying to keep calm himself, stay level-headed, because while he knew Ukon could not control the problem this wasn't the first time something as such had happened. He just needed to sit down with a book or something, now that he didn't have the studio to go disappear to whenever he pleased, he had nothing to really settle his thoughts. He'd go to AIS for hours at a time, work on developing prints or making schedules, anything that kept his mind off of what bothered him until it was just obsolete.
Meanwhile, Ukon was rather blank in thought. He felt horrible for ruining Temari's day, and he half wished he could make it up to her. The half that didn't argued that it wasn't his fault he was born with this deformity, a malfunction, an irregularity in his body. That half said it was okay to feel upset about it, but it was not okay to want to fix something that he had no hold over either. Which, was partially true, and so slowly he let the idea go for now. Though he knew he wouldn't come out of his room for days after this, it was how he was. Not so much a baby, like his brother, but he sulked like the rest of the world when they got depressed. Ukon would come out at night, for work and food mostly, and disappear before either could see him again.
The entire trip back, Temari stewed in her own thoughts, all sorts of thoughts about her life and her new little “family”, even though it didn’t resemble that in the least. It was better than her brothers and father, to be sure, but that wasn’t saying a whole lot. It wasn’t very hard to beat out her family growing up. Nowhere her train of thought went managed to bring her any relief. She was simply tired of life, and had no immediate cure or fix, which bothered her more than anything. She hated not being able to fix something. And by default, that anger got filtered in Sakon’s direction, even where it wasn’t actually his fault, even where she’d been the one in control. But she couldn’t blame the sick one, and she didn’t want to blame herself, for her ego’s sake, so instead she silently fumed at him for being the bane of her existence, hating him more and more with every second, even though she didn’t really have it in her to hate him.
Stomping up all four flights of stairs, when she finally got to the apartment, she didn’t hesitate to drop her back on the kitchen table and stalk off to the bedroom, pushing the door shut with more force than she’d expected so that it slammed shut. It made no difference anymore, and instead she just curled up under the covers. She would sleep it off. That was all she could think to do, really, because the rest of her energy was going towards trying not to break down. She was getting good at bottling things up again, a talent she’d lost years ago.
The twins looked at each other, rather gravely at that, before they parted ways. Ukon pulled a Houdini and disappeared into his room after grabbing several bottles of medication out of the kitchen, the door closing silently as if it never existed behind him. He hoped to just not exist for a while, perhaps he'd black out again from too much medication in his body; he just wouldn't die because unfortunately for him he never did. Sometimes he wondered if he could die, wondering that if he were shot or stabbed would he finally release life and move on to the next. It was a mystery.
Sakon pulled off his shirt and threw it onto the couch, boots being kicked to the door with soft thuds that didn't have quite the impact he wanted. He would have picked them up and thrown them, thrown anything heavy and in reach, if he didn't feel so helpless. It wasn't his fault Ukon was sick, and for once he clearly couldn't be Temari's problem (though with his luck he was anyway), so he didn't have the want any longer to explode and be angry. For the first time in a long time he didn't want to scream and yell, pitch a fit and break things, he just wanted to sigh heavily and say "so is life".
He didn't, but he would have liked to.
Quietly he pushed open the bedroom door, unsure why he was drawn there, and closed it with a click behind him. "You want to hit something, don't you?" Sakon asked softly, really not trying to be mean. His words were spoken from inside, not something on the surface, and he knew of her pain. He could see it, even as Temari lay there curled up on the bed, and saw feelings he himself had more often than all the damn time. "Break something? Scream or yell? Bitch? Go on, do it." Sakon hardly realized what he was saying, he couldn't fathom why, but he felt that if he just let her do it and told her that it was okay to, she'd feel better. In turn, he supposed, he would feel better too.
“I want you to fuck off,” Temari sneered, and turned towards the wall, otherwise ignoring him. It was hugely hypocritical of her, to shun Sakon’s gesture of concern when that was what she was always hoping for. Perhaps it was because he was right. She had a definite urge to break something, or someone, and she didn’t want to give in to that urge. Her family had an inclination towards violent tendencies, and she tried not to give in to hers wherever possible. It would have been even nicer to be held and comforted, but not only would he likely never offer that, she wouldn’t sink that low.
She wasn’t even sure what it was exactly that she was angry about, just that something made her feel so pissed off that she wanted to see someone else hurt just as much as she did, preferably physically. But without even knowing what her anger was directed, she didn’t know what or who exactly she should hurt for the maximum amount of stress relief. Heck, she'd even hurt him if that's what he wanted to see, because she only on the border of caring what she lashed out at. But perhaps he would take pity on her for once and give her her space, as unlikely as it seemed.
Shaking his head, the blond leaned against the wall beside the door. "I do that with or without your permission," he said lightly. It was very hypocritical of Temari, Sakon saw, for her to say such a thing when it was clear otherwise. Currently she may have wanted him to go away, it was almost a high chance, but Sakon didn't just "go away" like it was nothing. Arms crossing, his steel blue eyes looked at Temari across the room as he leaned there. The wall was not comfortable, especially when your back was over the light switch. He moved, fabric catching and turning off the light leaving the room dim with only the rays from the window to guide them. "So are you going to sulk all day over an accident or what?"
“Maybe,” Temari replied, voice dull now, but contrary to her tone, she turned back over, shirking off the covers and sitting up. She still refused to look at him, her eyes instead concentrated on the rumpled lump of cloth and fluff. She didn’t want to look him in the face for once, because as much as she would have liked to, she was afraid of what she might see. She managed to make it to her feet eventually, though, and slowly made her way over to him. She couldn’t help it if he had something of a magnetic presence.
Stopping front of him, her eyes slowly traveled from the ground, to his feet, traveling up until they hit his eyes. She really didn’t like what she saw there, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what bothered her about it. Standing there, pondering what to do, she decided it was just time to give in.
Quicker than she’d ever done anything she could remember, she’d raised her hand, out to the side, only to whip it back towards his face. That goddamned beautiful face that she loved and hated every second of every day. But she loved it more than she hated it, which annoyed her even more.
The man made no sound as he was slapped, half expecting it and half thinking she was going to punch him in the chest instead or even kick him. His head turned away as the echo of the slap resounded in the room before fading, his face to the right and dark eyes downcast. "About damn time," he muttered. With purposeful resistance he opened his jaw, left hand rising to touch the fiery skin upon his cheek. "Feel better?"
“No, now I just feel shittier. Happy?”
And feel shittier Temari did. Retreating back to the bed, she didn’t even bother to pull the covers back over her. Because now she just felt guilty on top of everything else. If she’d actually had any desire to cause him pain, she knew several better ways, but her childish gesture, combined with the fact that he didn’t actually deserve it this time just made her feel all the worse. Now she really wanted to be left alone, even more so than before.
Sakon wasn't about to leave her alone. He'd leave her the hell alone when it was either made perfectly clear that he needed to get the hell away, or if he wanted to be alone himself. Unfortunately he just picked a horrible time to not want to be alone.
"Why? I'm sure you can justify that." He smirked and sat on the edge of the bed. "Always do, princess. Stop being so high and mighty, you're not dying and you can go to the gym tomorrow." He didn't see the big picture here, the real problem. He couldn't.
Temari sighed deeply. No, this had nothing to do with the gym, but how could she even begin to explain it to him? She could hardly explain it to herself. And what was this act he was putting on now? He suddenly cared how she felt? Just thinking about it was making things infinitely worse. He couldn’t understand, he couldn’t actually give a damn, so she saw no point in pretending unless he was toying with her. Not in the most rational of moods, it seemed the only logical option.
Sitting back up, there was no pause this time. She simply began pounding at his back with all the strength she had, fists balled. Now this, this was what felt good. She didn’t think she could actually hurt him in such a manner, but it was therapeutic none the less.
It took all of his energy left not to laugh as he felt the first of many poundings upon his back. Sakon shook his head slowly and waited. She really couldn't hurt him, not in this manner anyhow, and it actually felt pretty good. Any kink he had in his shoulders was worked out instantly. Just let her go, finish, get it all out.
For the better part of two or three minutes, Temari let every little thing out that she could out through her fists, but when her energy ran out, she collapsed against his back. It started with a sob, more of a convulsion than anyway as she tried everything she could to hold it in. She shouldn’t have started in the first place, because she knew where it led. But it was undeniable that a few unwanted, unwelcomed tears fell, and then a few more before she was thrusting her arms around his waist, pulling herself close, and downright bawling. The last time she’d done something like this was after she’d moved into her apartment when her father disappeared, and she’d vowed she’d never do it again. That thought did nothing to stop it.
Sakon could feel her tears against his bare back, and he had no idea what to do as she held tight to him. He didn't know what to say, his mind couldn't process that. What did one do in something like this? Touch her hand and say everything was going to be alright, or just let her sit there until it was over? The blond had not a clue as he sighed slowly, and after a long time, he put his hand on her wrist. It was all he could muster, and he didn't even think about it. Instinct told him to do it.
For once, Temari could actually say that Sakon made the right choice. All she wanted was to let it all out now, get it done with until another four years would pass and it would come time again. But his touch was comforting none the less, and she was thankful that, of all the things he could have done or said, that was it. Not too little, not too much, just as quickly as the tears had come, she dried them again. But there was still one, very small thing nagging at her.
“I need to know for good,” she finally managed, once the sobs had subsided, still leaning her head against his back. “Just tell me, yes or no, do you actually even give a damn? About me?”
These were not the sorts of questions you could just ask Sakon and expect a straight out answer. These were the sorts that he liked to dance around, perhaps avoid altogether if possible, and he definitely refused to answer if he damn well had the chance. Sitting there, he stared at the floor as he wondered whether he could answer and, if he did, what would it be? Yes. It had to be yes, he wouldn't be sitting here if it was no. But what if it was no? Was this just some game Sakon hadn't realized he'd been playing? No... impossible, it had to be yes. But... how did one answer that when one didn't like to think about it in the first place?
"Just answer the question, all you gotta say is yes or no...please..."
Temari hated that she was at the point of begging, but she needed to know. She said she'd wait, but she was an impatient person, and she needed to justify everything that she was working towards. It wasn't so much for his sake as for her own: she needed to know what she was working with, where she stood, to get an honest idea of how far she had to go and what she had to do. She simply couldn't stand not being able to work out the problem. She wished she could have been more resolute on giving up emotions like she'd wanted to. It would have made things so much easier if she could have found it in herself to be completely heartless and cruel like her younger brother, but still some sense of human decency. And while she was by no means stupid, emotions weren't something you could plug into a formula, they weren't something to which you could apply a grand unified theory. So since that was what she was now dealing with, all she needed was a hint. Just a hint would be more than enough to go on.
He sat there for a few more moments, sighed, and gave a shudder of a nod. "Yeah," Sakon muttered. It could hardly be even that, more like a croak of a word than a mumble of something. He couldn't look at her, not even her hands on his waist, and he stared to the floor ahead of him. His eyes met the point of the wall and floor, looking at the perfect crease between one and the other, and he hoped that she didn't make a big deal of this. Sakon just couldn't manage to say no, even though he'd wanted to; for his own sanity.
“That’s all I needed to hear.”
Leaving a barely-there kiss between his shoulder blades, Temari took her arms back to herself. She realized on some level that he could be lying, but something told her that he wasn’t, not to mention that he was terrible at lying anyway. It was so relieving to actually hear and no just assume from the things he did. She didn’t like assuming things based on actions; words were so much more concrete. She lay back down, pulling the blankets back over her in the process.
The only difference now was that grin that she’d adopted.
“I know it’s hard for you, so I really do appreciate it…”
All Sakon could do was let out a massive sigh that could blow down trees as he listened to her. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to come out of his answer, what her reply would be, he'd expected more than a kiss though. He'd expected something worse, or whatever could be worse for Sakon that is. The man leaned back on his palms, the past few minutes having hit him so hard he wasn't entirely conscious of anything else that was happening. Again his mind had to wrap around information and process things he wasn't ready to process. This, to Sakon, was worse than torture---or having to work with their crazy smiley boss at any rate. He wanted to ask Temari "now what?" He needed to know what to do, maybe be given a manual to read so he knew where to go after the step that had just been made. Did he go away and let her be lonely, or stay even in silence?
After there was a long silence, Temari wondered if she’d actually managed to break him. She didn’t think that there was a repair shop for obnoxious, asshole boyfriends though, so she was going to have to do it herself. Pity he hadn’t come with any sorts of instructions. Things would have been so much easier if he had. But what to say, really? As it stood, she understood that they were very different people when it came to the concepts of love and affection. For her, it was something to strive for, the best thing you could obtain, as it fit so well into the perfect little family scheme. Perhaps not with him, but she wanted it. Unfortunately, that was what she got, and while she was learning to live with it, he seemed a lot less open to the concept, from the contradictory things he said and did. And now, with that admission, she was left to assume one thing: he cared, somewhere deep down, but from what she could see, he didn’t seem to understand. In her mind, it seemed like love, tenderness, devotion, were all to him, as murder, lying, and scamming were to her. Completely foreign concepts that neither could begin to fathom. So she could sympathize, but that didn’t make it any easier.
And of course, she was only going on her personal analysis, which had let her down before when it came to him. But if he wouldn’t tell her what was on his mind, she couldn’t even start to do anything. It was best to make a guess and run with, the adjust course depending on the reactions. Like a way-too-personal scientific experiment.
“What’re you thinking?” she finally asked calmly, breaking the silence when it became a bit too unbearable. “I’m curious.”
Sakon gave a shrug and looked at her, the look a mix between defeat and confusion, and then let his eyes move elsewhere. He could feel the unused and dusty emotions on his face, they were awkward and alien; he didn't like it. Shaking his head Sakon wasn't aware of any word that could answer her question as his thoughts were neither coherent nor even really a thought. They were more like a string of images and words hanging by fragile hooks, some falling off and others combining with more images or words. It was all very cumbersome to look at, if drawn or created, and the beginnings of an ache stirred at the back of Sakon's head.
"I don't really fucking know," he told her as honestly as he could. "I'm thinking I'm screwed, need mental help, and have an urge to kick Ukon's ass." Sakon tried his hardest to put it as bluntly as possible; detail wasn't his thing unless it was in a photograph.
Temari sighed again, letting her hand go out to linger at the small of his back, more to let him know she was there than anything else. This was more difficult than anything she’d ever encountered, and confusing to boot. She got that he cared, but she couldn’t place what was conflicting him so much, mostly from her inability to understand him. It was so easy for her, that she’d hardly stopped to consider him, and in her drive to change him so much, she had forgotten to take into account that an instant turn around might not be physically possible. But she was so impatient, she didn’t want to wait. She’d dreamt it a few times, both sleeping and waking, that he would just finally understand how these things went and become the normal sort of man who would propose to her and marry her and raise their family with her so she could have her happy ending.
“If you need a punching bag, we’ll buy you one…you shouldn’t wail on him so much.” It wasn’t her place to be changing the brothers’ relationship now, but she couldn’t help but put in a plea for her friend. “I’d get you help if we could. But we can’t, because you could never be truthful and that wouldn’t help. But tell me. I’m not as stupid as I might seem.”
"Ukon really deserves it," Sakon replied in a very honest tone. "I don't just hit him because I feel better, though that is an upside." He gave a nod, smirking and pretending things were fine. Yeah, fine. "But I don't need help, fucking you try to set me up with anyone and I'm going back to Cena for more than one reason." He sounded serious, glancing back at her over his left shoulder, but then gave yet another sigh for the day. "I'm fine."
“You’re not fine. Don’t try to lie to me, I can see through you better than glass. Why can’t you just let me be here for you? I’ll listen if you have something to say, I’m not that much of a bitch that I’d ignore you.”
While she smirked at him, Temari was anything but happy, and her lighthearted, persistent tone merely a mask. She didn’t think he’d give in, but it couldn’t hurt to try. With brute force, she might be able to work a few things out of him, get some more details to fill in the blanks, make more accurate guesses, so that she could try the right things first instead of working on a hit or miss system.
"I hate talking," Sakon stated as he slowly got to his feet and put his hands on his waist, head leaning back as he looked at the ceiling. "I don't want to talk about me. Not much shit to talk about anyway. Just a bastard right?" He didn't look at her, he wasn't asking for a reply, he knew the answer. It was yes. Temari could say differently, anyone could if they wanted, but he knew it was truer than the sky being naturally blue.
“Wrong.”
As much as Temari would have liked to stay lying down-would she ever get to go back to sleep like she wanted to?-she once again pulled herself out from under the covers, sliding off the edge of the bed to stand next to him, lifting her hand to his shoulder and leaning into his arm.
“Just a little confused. I could help you sort these things out if you’d just let me though.” A little more annoyance crept into her voice that she would have liked, but maybe he needed to see that she was absolutely serious, and not spouting more pointlessly romantic crap. “It’s easier to sort things with two people, rather than one.”
"What is it you want me to say?" He asked, also annoyed because he just wanted this over with, but also curious and clearly confused. Sakon didn't like how vulnerable he sounded when he spoke to her currently, it made him worry that he'd gone soft in the time with her. If so, he really would have to punch Ukon later. Sighing, he looked down at Temari's face and shook his head. "I don't know what to do."
“You need to help me understand is what you need to do,” Temari replied as gently as she could. Tenderness wasn’t the easiest thing for her either, but she definitely had the upper hand. It was difficult to help him without sounding bossy or overbearing though. “It’s hard, I know, this is too gushy for someone like you but trust me when I say it will help a lot.”
She paused for a moment as something clicked in her mind. Something she hadn’t yet thought of. She was making all these guesses, of course, but when it came down to it, she knew so little about him, and his life before she entered it, that for all she knew, her speculation could easily be wildly inaccurate. And that thought gave her a new idea that would kill two birds with one stone.
“But that’s a pretty tough place to start. That’s got to be way deep down. Maybe we should start with something easier…practice, I guess, for opening up a little? What I’m getting at is…” She paused again, unsure of how this was going to go over. “Tell me about you. I only know five months of the story. What about the rest?"
Sakon considered this, thought of what he might tell her, and almost wasn't able to stop his cringe. Temari was a big girl, but she was just far better off not knowing in his opinion. What if something happened and she was interrogated about himself or Ukon? She'd be able to say she didn't know without a guilty thought in her mind, she'd be free from incrimination. He couldn't tell her, he realized he had just worried for her, and therefor he really could not tell her.
"It's better if you don't know," said the blond as he turned to face her. His right hand came out and ran across her stomach to hip, pulling her closer, his left hand wound its way up her back to her neck and tugged gently at her silky hair. His lips kissed hers, trying to force her to forget what they were talking about. He'd done it before, he had to do it again. Had to.
It wasn’t hard at all for Temari to recognize what it was that Sakon was trying to do, so she only indulged him for a few seconds, and then more for herself than anything. If she didn’t enjoy his kisses so much, she would have yanked away immediately, but instead let her arms come up around his neck for the time being. It served the double purpose of keeping her from going all out on him again, as she really didn’t see why he couldn’t just tell her. She was prepared for pretty much anything he would have to say, and had probably assumed the worst already from what little she did know. She’d have liked to continue on, much like he probably wanted to just to get her to stop persisting on the subject, but unfortunately, he’d only piqued her curiosity more.
“But I think I should know,” she insisted when she had finally pulled herself away, having calmed herself sufficiently. “You know all my dirty little secrets, right? So it’s only fair.”
Sakon gave a weary sound as she pulled away. "Dirty little secrets as in that little fucker of a brother who stormed into my studio and knocked me the fuck around? Yeah, fair compensation." He sat on the bed and took her hand, kissing the palm to try and distract her again. He wasn't about to confess his sins to her this easily, which basically was what she was asking considering where it came from, and had to try to derail her again.
Sitting with him but allowing her hand to linger in his, Temari wondered if Sakon hadn’t yet figured out that she was stubborn as a mule, and that this was hardly enough to convince her to stop. Her free arm came up around his shoulders, pulling herself a little closer so that she could lean on him again.
“Alright then,” she said, with something of a reluctant tone. “There’s not a lot more to tell, but my father was an abusive, neglectful bastard, my mom died when I was three, my youngest brother is a total psychopath, my other brother is a drug dealer, and I once stole a couple shirts from a clothing store. Now would you just tell me? Don’t worry, you’re not gonna scare me.”
He shook his head, really going to hate himself for telling her this, but he would be brief and therefore it might be okay. "Our father killed our mother, she wasn't worth the time of day really. I killed the man at six, he was a fucking bastard if ever there was one." Sakon couldn't look at her as he spoke, eyes staring at the floor as memories that he'd suppressed came flooding back. "I took out a small squad before Ukon and I were brought to fucksville, Cena." Eyes raising from the floor to the wall he shook his head. That wasn't right... his story sounded so wrong on his tongue, but it was all he could conjure up; Ukon's side of the story. The side that everyone was told to believe, Sakon had once known otherwise.
“Good,” Temari murmured softly, nuzzling into his arm. “Jackass deserved it anyway, I’m sure.”
How many times had she considered doing the same? How many times had she woken up, sweaty and shaking from the nightmares, only to wander into the kitchen, pick up the butcher knife, and consider slitting her own father’s throat? He was dead to her now, of course, but only because he had run off. Now she almost wished she’d done otherwise. It would have been so easy, she realized. And she would have been doing her own self a favor. She knew she should think less of Sakon for it, really, but she could only find herself respecting him a little. It wasn’t as if the system could be counted on to do things the right way, and whereas he had taken things into his own hands, she’d sat by and let things continue to worsen until they reached a breaking point.
“Is that all then?” she pressed, but gently, not in her normal, stark tone. She needed to say something to stop thinking of her own shortcomings.
Sakon toyed with several other pieces of information in his mind before looking down at Temari and, for reason he couldn't explain, stroked her hair. "I killed my boss back at AIS. I removed the bolt on the lamp, pushed one of our shitty models into it, and down it went." He had no remorse it sounded, his eyes emotionless as they stared down at the blond. "And, Ukon is a fucking prick." Might as well get that out, not that she would believe him. Yet.
By that point, Temari had more than figured he was responsible for the previous studio owner’s death. She could be mad at Sakon for lying to her in the first place, but she wasn’t up for being angry, and railing on him now would only ruin what they had going. She had gotten him to open up at least a little bit, and progress was progress.
“He’s a lot nicer than you are, so I don’t really think you have much place to say something like that,” she remarked softly, choosing to otherwise ignore the first part. Of course, Ukon had confessed to her before, when she hadn’t wanted to hear it, but she took his word for it when he said he was over that. Furthermore, regardless of what was in his past, as far as she was concerned, he’d been a whole heck of a lot nicer to her.
The blond shrugged. "Alright, fine." Sakon said, knowing this was her reaction. Ukon was an actor, one that was very good at what he did and hid behind a perpetual mask to cover up all the things he'd done in his life. Things he still did when no one was looking... things he wanted to do. The medication settled him down, but his dreams were vivid and filled with pain that wasn't his own. "So, are we done with twenty questions?"
“If you want to be,” Temari replied, shrugging slightly. “But I’m just going to ask you more later. You know I’ll get it out of you eventually, so it’s up to you whether you want to get it all over with now or wait.”
She was being dead honest, because she wasn’t going to give up on this. Not if he was going to be the rest of her life. She needed to know everything she could, because the more she knew, the more control she had. She absolutely hated the fact that she had no control, not over him, not over herself, and as delusional as it might have been to try, she had to. Something wouldn’t let her stop until she had all the answers she wanted. At the very least, she was beginning to learn to trust him, rather than questioning everything he said, as she had slowly learned what a poor bluffer he was. Even now she could sense that perhaps he was leaving something out. Not a lie, per se, but something else important that would put things in context.
"I have nothing to tell you," Sakon told her with one simple nod. "And anything else you wouldn't believe because Ukon is 'a lot nicer' than I am." He gave a smirk, jokingly mocking her as he stood up and went to the dresser to find some new pants now that he'd sat around in the ones from the gym. "You could ask him yourself. Piss him off enough I'm sure he won't be nice about anything." The blonds back was to Temari, but he had no smile on his face. Sakon wasn't lying, all it took was to get Ukon angry even a smidgen sometimes and he was off like a rocket. Sakon only threw Ukon around to get back at him for when his own ass was kicked in, but these days neither did anything and seemed less well off.
“Try me. I promise, cross my heart, that I’ll listen if you want to try to convince me otherwise.”
It was a dare, really, but her voice held no hint of that. Temari was sure that it would be impossible for him to convince her that her friend was all that bad. Maybe he didn’t know what Ukon had told her about at the bar that one time, or maybe he underestimated how much she could actually tolerate before she would actually become disgusted. Either way, she couldn’t easily see Sakon lying to her. He had no reason to try to pull that friendship apart, as there was no sort of competition or anything for him to be jealous over. If he actually had anything to say, she was ready to believe it, although she could only think that it would be something she already knew or just your normal sibling rivalry, which she would not and really could not play a part in.
Shaking his head and holding up his hand, Sakon left the room in silence. He wasn't sure what he was trying to prove, but he wanted to vomit every time Ukon opened his mouth to speak with Temari. Ukon was the bad guy here, not him, and it was time she saw that. Crossing over to the closed door of Ukon's room, he motioned for the blond to stand beside the door where she couldn't be seen, and then barged into the room.
"Leave me alone, Sakon," Ukon said tiredly from his bed where he lay with his back to the entrance of his room. After a pause, when Sakon didn't reply but didn't leave, Ukon rolled over and looked up at his younger twin. "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to finish that conversation from earlier," Sakon replied finally as he crossed his arms. Ukon gave a groan. "Sakon, what the hell? We've been over this already, let it go."
"Why, because you're a wuss and can't?" The two stared at each other, just as they had this morning.