[Log] The Woman Who Always Smiles prt2

[vlvular_d_fect]

“Oh it went well,” Temari responded in between bites, “but uhh, Mr. Grumpypants there doesn’t exactly like our new boss.”

She hardly even waited for Sakon to completely leave the room before she started talking about him again, and entirely on purpose.

“I like her though, she’s sweet and already has my maternity leave set up…but you should have seen him. If it were literally possible to drip hate, we would have had enough to fill a pool.”

The man before Temari smiled, but it was a little lost. While both twins knew what a pool was, they had never been in one or seen one up close, just in magazines, so they had no really definition of how large it was. "Your boss is a woman?" Ukon clarified, avoiding the pool issue as obviously Sakon had been very, VERY mad. "No wonder why he's angry."

“An extremely friendly woman,” Temari clarified, along with a small chuckle. “I think he’s just jealous because she’s happy and he’s not.”

It actually seemed like a viable answer to her, really. In her honest opinion, Sakon did have the tendency to be jealous when others had things that he simply could not have. It was something that she hoped to exploit as much as possible until she finally got him to cave in. She already knew that he wanted her, somewhere deep down-the key was demonstrating that he couldn’t have her without following her conditions.

"Probably," Ukon replied with a nod and a smile of his own before taking another bite of toast into his mouth and chewing it thoughtfully. "Though, I can't imagine it's easy going from your own boss to working under somebody else." He shrugged, not really defending his brother but making a statement Temari might have overlooked.

“Perhaps,” Temari nodded in agreement, as she had thought of it but saw it to be no excuse. “But then, if he actually acted his age for once and stopped having little hissy fits like a five-year-old, he’d at least be able to see that we scored big time on this job. Benefits like you wouldn’t believe, good pay, she’s already intended to give me all the time off I need to play mommy, and the studio itself is amazing.”

She made no attempt to keep her voice down, despite the fact that the man-in-question was only a room over, and as much as the woman’s constant cheerful temperament was grinding after a while, Temari really couldn’t help but sing her praises. She was still hung up on the concept of going on paid leave, having expected to be completely screwed for personal income.

Seeing that there was no way to avoid their insults and remarks, Sakon got up and left the apartment with silent footsteps and the bang of the door behind him the only sound noting his departure. Ukon turned in his seat to look, as if he didn't know his brother was gone, and then shrugged and went back to the conversation.

"I think he knows," he told Temari honestly with a simple and single nod. "And I think he's going through denial, or something. I've never seen him act like this around anyone, you're the first person he ever gave a shit about to raise hell like this." Leaning back in the chair and pausing in his sandwich, he considered what he'd just said and mentally nodded. Temari needed to know, not just assume, that Sakon cared. His hints were subtle if non-existent, as if he didn't know how to leave them; Ukon knew well enough that his brother didn't. These sorts of situations didn't happen to either of them, and while Ukon took to things well enough, Sakon hated change. The younger hated having to move around his lifestyle for someone else, even for himself he disliked it. His life was more routine than one could have imagined, and when Temari came into the picture everything he had done day-to-day was altered.

Dusting the crumbs from her hands onto her now empty plate, Temari stood, taking the dish with her. She was relatively unimpressed with Sakon’s little display, but Ukon did have a point, and she trusted his opinion. He had, of course, known the man his entire life, and she wasn’t even going to try to pretend to be able to beat that. Perceptive as she may be, twenty-one years of personal and first hand experience was a whole hell of a lot more than she could boast. And he didn’t know it, but he had just answered a question she had been wanting to ask for quite a while. But you never asked a man’s brother such questions-it just wasn’t right.

“Thanks, that’s what I needed to hear,” she said in all sincerity, any hints of her previous sarcasm gone. Depositing her plate in the sink, she pulled on the sneakers that she always left by the door, letting her hand rest tentatively on the doorknob. “If you’ll excuse me though…I should probably chase him down before he hurts himself…or someone else.”

The pink haired brother nodded as he stood up and left his plate on the counter, the toast half finished for the time. "Good luck," Ukon said on his way over, holding up a hand to stop her. Maybe it was time he told her a little secret that she'd probably never figure out on her own, or if she did it would be far too late to use it. "If he... won't listen, shove him." It sounded odd but he held up his hand put his hand over his naval. "Crumbles."

Temari nodded, committing the advice into memory, although she would have to see it to believe it. It certainly wasn’t anything she would have guessed, and she wondered how one would find out such a thing as she hurried down the stairs and out the front door. Glancing both ways from the top of the stoop, she spotted the rapidly departing yet familiar figure, lucky that he hadn’t turned down a side street just yet, and made haste to follow.

She slowed down when she was finally within just a few yards, enough to keep tabs on him, but not enough to be following closely. He was pissed and she knew it, and she debated whether it was even safe to approach him. She never knew when too much would be too much, but it was in her nature to keep pressing. Still, she had a sense of her own mortality, and the more she pressed, the more caution she took in approaching him afterwards, on many different levels. So while she decided the best course of action, the least she could do was make sure that no one got hurt and that he didn’t get himself so turned around that he might never make it home-as much as she might have liked that.

There were footsteps behind him, tiny female footsteps that didn't belong to his brother or anyone other than Temari. He groaned, but didn't look at her, walking quickly and turning down the first actual street he reached and continuing down that. It was so bright out and the twin wished he had his sunglasses on, the light blinding him as he walked into it. The mid-morning rays shot through his hair, the breeze shaking the light strands making them thinned out and easily filtered through. He didn't want to talk to Temari, or his brother, or anyone but himself. Sakon wanted to be alone, to think without having to hear anything but his own thoughts.

As she ventured a little closer and a little closer, there was no doubt in Temari’s mind that Sakon would figure out he was being followed. But much like an injured animal, it was best to approach slowly, and with caution. Unfortunately, while there were training courses and classes and even professionals in handling animals, there was no one to teach her exactly how to handle him. Even Ukon seemed to be perplexed by his brother’s reactions, or at the very least, unfamiliar with them, so she was on her own in figuring out what to do. Sooner or later, he would actually lash out at her, claws bared, but she hoped to make that later rather than sooner. Preferably never.

“You can’t keep running away, you know,” she called after him when she finally reached the point where she was only two yards behind him. He didn’t seem to be slowing down, and she didn’t feel like giving up, and she didn’t want to keep this chase going all night. Her words held a deeper meaning, at least to her, although she was unsure at this point whether he’d pick it up or not.

"I'm not running," Sakon called back. He was unwilling to face her as he continued walking, turning down another street as he moved in a mild pace. The street at the end opened up into a park-like area and he was rather shocked to find it however, he didn't falter. "Is it that hard for you to understand that I want to be alone?" Sakon questioned, but it struck him somewhere in the far left field that she would never be alone again. Not really.

“And that’s your problem,” Temari retorted, somewhat angrily, following him through the turn. “You only ever want to be alone, and refuse to let anyone else in. Maybe if you’d stop for once, I could help you, we could talk about this. You’re confused and I’m confused, but it’d be a whole hell of a lot easier to figure it out if you’d cut that bullshit too-tough act.”

She ventured to bridge the gap in a few quick strides, walking along beside him and looking up towards him expectantly, even though he refused to look at her. She was just as stunned as him by the sudden small park, but it wasn’t too surprising all the same. Yet she would not look around, as much as she wanted to, instead keeping her eyes trained on him.

"I like being alone," Sakon snapped as he walked around a strange fountain quickly. "You should have just stayed in the apartment with the Sick Boy Who Won't Die. He's better company," throwing a hand through his hair, he marched around a bench and continued further into the park where trees grew out of warm brown mulch and green grass covered the ground that wasn't paved in a side-walk.

“Maybe so, but as much as I’d like to let you get lost in Ceno forever, I don’t think that would go over too well with the whole…conscience thing and all,” Temari replied, as if he should have already figured that out himself.

She followed diligently with each little twist and turn, despite the fact that he was none too thrilled by her presence. His quick pace was tiring for her though, her legs a considerable amount shorter, and being out of shape from her stint in Cena. In conjunction with the warm sun, she was beginning to huff a bit, although even complete and utter exhaustion wouldn’t stop her, and she was nowhere near that.

Fifteen minutes must have passed by, if not twenty, before Sakon came to a sudden stop and turned to face the blond. "Stop it! I wanted to leave so I could think, and I find myself thinking about how the fuck I can get away from you!" He shouted, but it was a hushed shout as he glared down at her before blinking and looking up to the sky for only a flicker of a moment. "Just... go!" His right hand raised over his head threateningly.

“If you’d just talk to me, just once, I would leave you alone!”

Temari was glad that the area of the park they’d wandered to was nearly deserted, in the middle of the day, a little under an hour away from everyone’s lunch break. Otherwise, they would have turned quite a few heads with their dramatics and shouting. Things seemed to a lot slower than real time, as he seemed just about ready for that strike she had anticipated, but the second it occurred to her to be frightened, she also remembered the advice she’d gotten on the way out the door. Working on that alone, she lunged, not quite a punch, not enough to knock anyone out normally, but a firm blow to his lower abdomen, just like she’d been instructed. She, of course, had no clue if it would work, but it was worth a try.

Sakon looked at her, stopped as if frozen in time with a fire in his eyes that blanked out to be replaced with shock. "He... told you..." He muttered before stepping back and falling to his rear on the cement with a loud thud. He grunted in pain, mouth open as he let out the short yelp as the rest of him finally fell with him. Sakon's hands swiped over the tar, scraping the palms and sending a shock up his limbs. "The bastard..."

When she saw that it had actually worked, Temari was on her knees next to Sakon in an instant, wondering what to do-if anything-and feeling a twinge of guilt. She didn’t think it would have hit him that hard. She really didn’t know what she’d expected, but  definitely not to hurt him this much. At a loss for words, having no commentary and no way to save Ukon’s reputation in this situation, she instead did everything in her power to try and coax him off the pavement and onto the grass, without actually having to touch him. Who knew what might happen if she did that?

“I…I’m sorry, he just told me to do that and…fuck, I didn’t think it’d actually hurt you.”

"I'm not hurt," Sakon said stubbornly as he went to get up, but couldn't. God damn his weak point, curse his brother to die now, and blame Temari for believing the bastard. He sighed and managed to get onto the small hill of grass behind him, just some feet from the sidewalk, and lay there in marginal pain. He still wasn't sure how having a palm to his abdomen hurt so, but like people with their pressure points this was specifically his. It just caused him to stop, the muscles in his abs to shut down and let him go making him unable to stand.

His scraped up hands and the eventual bruises told a different story, but Temari let Sakon pretend that everything was okay, not wanting to bruise his ego in the process, at least not any more than it might already be. She followed the short yet seemingly difficult move to the cool grass, sitting along side him attentively, and venturing to reach out, letting her palm rest lightly on his chest.

“He only told me because he doesn’t want to see you running away from this anymore, either,” she finally managed, finding the words she wanted, and entirely unsure if they were true or not, but figuring them to be good enough to get her own point across.

Unable to fathom how Temari's words made any sense, Sakon sighed and weakly pushed her hand away off of him. Ukon didn't want to see his brother stop running away, he wanted revenge, he wanted to see Sakon hurt. The twins had never been on the most stable of ground, and often Ukon would just let himself be pushed around while Sakon thought he was the big bully. However, Ukon was smarter than his younger brother and he had a fair deal of knowledge Sakon would never be able to understand. He used Temari to hurt Sakon, it was plainly simple in Ukon's eyes, but the younger certainly didn't know that. Sakon knew that he was his brother, they had a bond he could never get rid of. His weak spot was Ukon's weak spot and vice versa, it was just hard to understand from an outsiders view.

"Will you go away yet?" Sakon asked, blue eyes visible and staring into the white cloud-filled sky. He'd lost all tone and attitude, and his words were only words.

“Never,” she replied softly, and to illustrate her point, she lay down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder whether he wanted it or not. To anyone walking by, they might have looked like your typical happy couple curled up together on a warm day in the park. A quick glance wouldn’t even begin to tell of everything that went spoken-and unspoken-between them. “You came here with me…you want something more, don’t you? I can just feel it. You want a better life, but you’re scared to stray from what you know. That’s it, isn’t it?”

She was half-guessing, half-deciding this for herself based on what she’d witnessed and heard, even in just the past week. He had come with her, and when she’d made her confession, he seemingly reciprocated it. The seeds were there, it was just coaxing the plant to grow that was the problem.

He gave off a grunt, not believing a thing she said nor wanting to answer even if he had. "Keep dreaming, princess." Sakon said through a heavy sigh, not moving other than to push the tips of his hair out of his face before settling comfortably again. He didn't bother pushing her away since she seemed to just bounce back anyway.

“Then why did you really come? You don’t love me, you have no interest in your child, and you don’t seem to care much for your brother, either. I wouldn’t actually let Hidan beat you up over me. So you had to have another reason.”

It was a simple, honest question, although Temari didn’t expect him to answer honestly. He would probably brush it off with some cop-out answer like he seemed to enjoy doing, but at the very least, she hoped to provoke some sort of thought. She wouldn’t know, but if she could attempt to get the gears turning, it was a step in the right direction.

"Free trip out of hell," Sakon stated. "My price is to suffer with you three for a while." He explained after mulling it over. The plus side of his words was that he had come to recognize, if in some small fashion, that he wasn't only going to be living with Temari and Ukon. The downside was that he wouldn't just out and say that he came to Ceno for Temari, came to be there with her and protect her.

“Three, huh?” Temari caught it, even if he hadn’t. Sakon seemed to have a habit lately of saying things he wasn’t ready to admit yet, but she caught it none the less and snuggled closer out of instinct, letting her head come to rest underneath his chin now.

“You’ll make a good father, I think, once you get used to it,” she continued, not caring that he hadn’t actually said he’d do it yet, acting as if he had. To her, it was only a matter of time before she got him to concede and live up to the responsibility, and she was still into pressing her luck. Still, to an extent, she was being sincere. “I’ll bet you never knew you dad, and I never knew my mom, so I have no more clue about this parenting thing than you do. But…”

She debated saying it. It would probably fall on deaf ears, or he would otherwise scoff at the idea. But her last confession had turned out well enough, it was at least worth the try.

“I want you to help me. Not your brother, you. Because I definitely don’t fall in love with just any asshole…only the really special ones.”

"Stop talking," Sakon commanded as he went to get up but failed and sighed deeply at his pitifulness. "I can't hear you, and I'm not listening." He stated dryly as he continued to look up into the sky. "And, you don't... you don't..." His arms managed to cross tightly over his chest, an attempt at getting her off of him, as his eyes glanced to her. He saw her blond hair and her shoulder, then the rest of her but not her face and he gladly turned his view away once more. Even in the most round-about way, his mouth could not form the L word nor could his vocals produce it. He wouldn't let himself, because words like that shouldn't be used on murderous bastards like him. It just didn't make sense.

“I don’t what? I don’t love you?”

Despite that Temari refused to stop talking, she obliged Sakon slightly in sitting back up, but only for a moment, as she twisted her body so that she could lean over him, hands supporting her, just above his shoulders, on the soft grass .

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I love you.”

There. She’d said it. In the heat of the moment, only trying to get on his nerves, but she had said it. In three simple and plain words that no one could misinterpret. She didn’t like the idea any more than he did, but what else could it be? Something at the back of her mind was consistently nagging at her to stay with him, settle down, and have a real family. She couldn’t be grasping for straws when there were so many other options available, if she didn’t actually want him involved. And it was the only way to explain the fluttering in the pit of her stomach when their eyes met, or the shiver that ran down her spine when he touched her, even when he hadn't meant to. When it had finally occurred to her what exactly it was, she tried to resist it. She was not one to do something as silly and frivolous as falling in love. She hadn't been raised that way. Lust perhaps, but never love, and yet here she was, confessing to it with all honesty. Kankurou would laugh, Gaara would be disgusted, but she couldn’t help it even when she tried.

"Stop saying that," he hissed as he raised his head to look at her. "And, get off of me." Sakon motioned with his head for her to scat, to go away, though he didn't really want her to go. He just needed her to, for his own sanity and pride to run in order of the usual. His blue eyes stared up at her like fresh cut crystal, the light from the sun overhead leaving Temari's reflections on the clear liquid of his eyes. He saw her, but he wanted to look beyond her. This was too much, and he couldn't return her affections; he wouldn't allow himself. To fall into the pit of emotion, of normalcy, of life... Sakon refused to fall pray to this feeling he couldn't grasp, the four letter word which floated just inches out of his reach and no matter how far he'd stretch he could never touch it. He couldn't grab hold and lock it up in a box, his fingertips couldn't even graze upon the cool rush that filled the soul and the warm rain that washed over the body.

“And why should I stop?” Temari asked simply, eyes meeting his as much as he seemed to staring through her and not at her. She made no motion to move this time, as she had much more content before, laying against him, and had already given him this much. She would stay right where she was, upper body hovering over his, her hips and legs placed haphazardly to the side. She glanced behind her only a much happier couple walked by, giving Temari that knowing look, even though they knew nothing at all, particularly of the conversation at hand. She flashed a smile back and it was then that she noticed, through the trees, the approaching dark clouds.

Good. Let it rain on them. She’d be damned if she let him here to sulk in the rain and catch his death. He was no good to her dead, and at that point, she would have to count it as a loss. She would drag him home if she had to, as the mere idea of him and a bad cold made her weary. But the clouds themselves were still lingering, not due in their vicinity for at least another half hour, if not more, so she still had time.

Sakon ran through every word he knew, anything the would help him come up with a reason, but the only one he came up with was "because" and it was a horrible answer. He hated getting it from his staff, from his brother, from anyone; he wouldn't be a hypocritical bastard and say it himself. There must have been something else he could say in response, something that he could hide behind without looking like he was hiding at all. But what?

"Because you're imagining it." The blond turned his head away to the right after speaking, his staring off into the park and focusing on another fountain a long distance off. It was a horrible answer to her question, it was a horrible thing to say in general because it had no truth or fact.

“I don’t imagine these sorts of things,” she insisted, “because it’s not like I’ve even been loved or been in love before, so either I’m making stuff up as I go along, or this is the real deal. And if I were making stuff up, I’d have enough creativity to make a fortune off writing, so I don’t think that’s it. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s not like I would have chosen you, of all people, if I actually had the choice.”

In fact, he was probably last on her list of men she actually wanted to be with, but the world worked in mysterious ways, and life tended to throw some pretty crazy things at you. Resisting was pointless, so she would go with it, but on her own terms, with such a natural predisposition to get her way. And yet he hadn’t seemed to figure out that there was no way to get her to surrender.

By now Sakon had been laying there much longer than necessary to recover, time seemed to drag as he stared off into the distance as he heard her words. "Then you should take up writing," he stated and pushed himself onto his elbows, then palms, his chest moving against Temari and he didn't seem to care. As long as he got up, as long as he got away from her, touching anything at this moment was fine.

"I'll buy you a journal, then you can sit quietly and leave me alone while you write."

“Unfortunately, that won’t work.”

Tone taking on a much more sinister and firm ring to it, she did everything she could to impede him. He wasn’t going to run away from her again. She would do everything in her power to keep him from getting up again.

“Because unfortunately, I’m rather lacking in the creativity department, so when I say that I love you, I mean it, and it’s not just some scheme I’ve concocted to try and piss you off, and I’d really appreciate it if you could just acknowledge that.”

He looked up at her as he leaned on his hands, the heels sitting in the cold grass and crushing the green easily. "Why?" Sakon asked, blinking slowly as his face was void of all emotion and caring. However, he did want to know. How the hell could someone fall in love with such a bastard like him? How?

“Why what?” Temari questioned rather annoyed, as she pushed forward a bit, putting just a little more effort into keeping him planted there until she was satisfied.

"Why do you mean it? How the fuck do you mean it?" He asked back angrily as he felt her weight pushing against him, though he didn't move or lay back. It just didn't make sense to him, but perhaps it never would.

Although Temari was rather taken aback by the question, she kept her firm gaze on him, brow slightly furrowed and didn’t slacken in her effort to keep him from escaping. But the truth was, she had never thought of the why before. First there had been the what, which had been the attraction itself, then the when, which she decided wasn’t important, then the how, which had been determined to be one of those screwed up sorts of things life brought you to. But she’d never stopped to think about why. He was good-looking and good in bed, that much was for sure, but those were hardly qualities that a person like her could love. And he didn’t have any of the traditionally endearing traits a man might have.

A few wordless seconds passed, and as the why finally occurred to her, a chilled breeze blew by, so that she couldn’t figure out whether it was the realization or wind that caused her to shiver slightly.

“I grew up unloved and unwanted. Real sob story, I know. No one ever bothered to care much for my existence, and for the longest time I figured no one would give a damn if I died, and I hated everyone for it. Father would probably have had me killed if it wouldn’t have damned him. And then I end up in Cena, working for some punkass who conned me in a weak moment, but you know what? He won’t admit it, but he cares about me. He’ll deny it all the way to his death bed, but he couldn’t stand to see me hurt. He protects me…for the first fucking time in my life, someone actually gives enough of a shit whether I’m alive or dead, enough to step in and defend me. How the hell could I not love him? I’d have to be inhuman not to.”

With every word she spoke, it was like a fresh nail being shot into his head by a nail gun. Chank, chank, every syllable hurt with every breath she took. Sakon grew cold himself, blue eyes winding up blank and glassy as he leaned back into the grass. His hands pressed over his eyes, trying to remove imagines from his mind, fingertips digging at his forehead and temples to erase memory. She was right, and it killed him to see it. Temari was right without a doubt; he cared for the bitch and it made him want to die just thinking about it. He wanted to die ten times over for feeling the way he did, and another ten for realizing how pitiful and disgraceful he was. Sakon took deep breaths, slow and calming like someone were instructing him through therapy. I don't feel this way, I can't... he told himself and forced himself to side with this choice. She's lying, everyone lies. She can't l... she can't feel like that. Not toward me.

Saying nothing, he continued to lay there with his hands over his face and mind repeating the same thing over and over like a broken record. If he just believed that she was lying, he wouldn't have to worry about returning her feelings. It was a feeling he never knew; Sakon didn't know how to love. How could one return something they didn't know of?

To some degree, her words had the desired effect. They did manage to elicit a reaction, albeit perhaps not the first reaction she could have hoped for. But Temari marked a tick next to her name in her mind, upping the score. With a bit of confidence, her face softened, and after watching him lying there, she lay down next to him again, head resting against his chest just as before.

“But you know, I don’t except him to ever say the same to me,” she continued in the same vein. “I don’t think he even really knows what love is, but perhaps one day he’ll let me show him. I’ll be waiting for when he does.”

Having said her piece, and having made her triumphs for the day, she lifted her head, then the rest of her body into a sitting position, stretching a bit before finally a standing, brushing the loose grass off of her before looking back down at him.

“It’s going to rain. I’m going home, and you can come with me, or you can stay out here and get wet, but don’t come whining to me if you catch a cold.”

It wasn't much comforting to know that Temari would be waiting for him, like he was holding her back from something. Sakon moved a hand as she got up, his eyes looking at her through the haze and blinding light that distorted her image in his mind. She stood and dusted herself off, she looked at him and he felt like her gaze would burn him like the suns rays. There was something about rain amongst her words, getting wet and catching a cold, but most of her speech was lost on him at the time.

Slowly standing, he threw his hair from his face and put his hand on her shoulder. Pushing her to start walking, he followed behind her in silence as his hand fell to his pocket.

As she watched Sakon finally stand as well-now that she’d allowed him to-Temari wondered if her words had had an altogether negative effect. She wouldn’t allow her mood to be dampened just yet, but he seemed almost dazed, with a glazed look in his eyes. It bothered her a little, but she would let it be and assume it merely needed some time to sink in. She couldn’t imagine that his life had been any better than hers, from the way he had turned out, so the concept must have been even harder for him to handle. And perhaps she was right, had hit the nail on the head-maybe he really didn’t know what love was, and if that were the case, she would still hold true to her word, if he ever decided to take her up on it.

The walk back to the apartment seemed a lot longer, despite the fact that she led them the same way they’d come. There was probably a quicker way in general, but she didn’t want to risk getting lost. Not right now at least, when things were so awkward. So she led on silently, in an effort to reduce any damages she might have caused, pondering her own sudden realization as to why it had to be him. It changed a whole lot of things, more and more as she continued to think about it.