(no subject)
I watched a movie the other night about a man who'd died. Well, it wasn't about him but more about those he left behind. I love movies like this, ones that make you feel sad for people and think of how awful they must feel. It's a sick obsession with grief. However, now I've been there I don't have to imagine how awful they must feel because i know. What's different now is that I can't sympathize with these people because now it's them who have no idea. One of the opening scenes was a shot of a girl behind the wheel crying her eyes out. I couldn't tell you how many times I've sobbed on the way to work but I didn't have to concentrate on getting tears and fill in the blanks with visine and water. You'd think it'd make me feel more inclined to say "I know how they feel" but it doesn't. All I could think was how jealous I was of her because at the end of the day her name, car and the deceased aren't real. They're put together by a team of people who've created it. She gets to go back to her real name and living friends and none of it really matters. But what about when it dos? What are we supposed to do when someone actually dies and we can't just fake tears and yell "CUT" and return to the way things should be. We're not trying not to knock over cheap cardboard scenery, but we'd trade the walls around us for nothing if it meant bringing him home. I'd give anything to look around and realize the world i'm in isn't real. Yet I'm never going to... this is painfully real and what's worse is that it doesn't feel real. We all know how our lives are supposed to go and this isn't it. We're stuck on this set with no director and missing the main character. It's what we've been since the day they broke the news and it's all we're ever going to be.