maybe yes and maybe no
I had an amazing few days. I went to the Tiesto concert with friends Thursday night, laid low Friday, shopped and went to a lingerie party yesterday. I love having such incredible friends, and I've given myself permission to let go and just enjoy being young this summer.
Today, though, I'm a little angsty. I realize how high school it sounds, but I think I've identified a pattern I don't like.
I meet a guy. We hit it off and start dating. He tells me he really likes me, which is great because I really like him too. I lose interest in other guys. He does not lose interest in other girls. And at some point, I think he finds some fatal flaw in me that makes me Not Relationship Material, but he still wants to be friends/date/wants me to be happy because I'm "such an amazing person." I'm hurt, and still hung up on him. Eventually (and this part is hazy, because each time it's been for a different reason) I've had enough and I move on to being completely single and let's face it, kinda lonely. I meet a guy, anywhere from a day to a year later. Repeat.
I don't know why this happens. We have a lot of fun, get along great, and and always very attracted to each other. And they're all great guys. What's hurtful is that it seems like the more they get to know me, the less they like me. Obviously, I don't know their perspective, but I don't think I'm controlling, crazy, or clingy. I don't play games; maybe that's my problem.
It hurts and I'm tired of going through it. I'm attracted to the confident, fun guys that all the other girls are attracted to, and I'm sick of competing. I am a catch, and it's not wrong of me to want some guy to see that without my having to fight to convince him that I'm worth giving up the other girls for.
I don't think I'm up for hurting right now. It's hard not to take rejection personally, especially when a guy pulls away just as you're getting attached. The best thing would probably just be to take things slow, but right now I'm just not equipped to deal with getting to know new guys. I feel cynical and bitter, and I hate that, but I'm sick of being sad because I'm not good enough for some guy.
I'm still figuring out what I want and how to deal with this. It's a jungle out there.
Today, though, I'm a little angsty. I realize how high school it sounds, but I think I've identified a pattern I don't like.
I meet a guy. We hit it off and start dating. He tells me he really likes me, which is great because I really like him too. I lose interest in other guys. He does not lose interest in other girls. And at some point, I think he finds some fatal flaw in me that makes me Not Relationship Material, but he still wants to be friends/date/wants me to be happy because I'm "such an amazing person." I'm hurt, and still hung up on him. Eventually (and this part is hazy, because each time it's been for a different reason) I've had enough and I move on to being completely single and let's face it, kinda lonely. I meet a guy, anywhere from a day to a year later. Repeat.
I don't know why this happens. We have a lot of fun, get along great, and and always very attracted to each other. And they're all great guys. What's hurtful is that it seems like the more they get to know me, the less they like me. Obviously, I don't know their perspective, but I don't think I'm controlling, crazy, or clingy. I don't play games; maybe that's my problem.
It hurts and I'm tired of going through it. I'm attracted to the confident, fun guys that all the other girls are attracted to, and I'm sick of competing. I am a catch, and it's not wrong of me to want some guy to see that without my having to fight to convince him that I'm worth giving up the other girls for.
I don't think I'm up for hurting right now. It's hard not to take rejection personally, especially when a guy pulls away just as you're getting attached. The best thing would probably just be to take things slow, but right now I'm just not equipped to deal with getting to know new guys. I feel cynical and bitter, and I hate that, but I'm sick of being sad because I'm not good enough for some guy.
I'm still figuring out what I want and how to deal with this. It's a jungle out there.