Maybe I really am crazy

Oct 15, 2008 00:39

Staying in the loft for the rest of the week. Not that this is anything new, but this time I'm actually planning it. I need to figure some stuff out.

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siryn_song October 14 2008, 14:05:56 UTC
Are you okay?

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distortedcanvas October 14 2008, 14:16:59 UTC
I feel like a freak, Terry. There's something wrong with me.

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[locked] siryn_song October 14 2008, 14:21:07 UTC
You are not a freak. You're not.

What happened? Did you paint something?

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Re: [locked] distortedcanvas October 14 2008, 14:34:41 UTC
I talked to your friend Mike earlier. He babbled on about powers and alternate dimensions and shit like that. I have crazy stuff running through my head all the time. Is that what it is? It can't be. Life isn't Star Trek, but it got me thinking. Is what I'm seeing that I don't recognize the stuff of, I hate to say it, alternate dimensions? I write comic books, I know what they are and am familiar with them, but now I'm considering the possibility. What the hell kind of person does that make me? Here I am honestly contemplating that whenever I go into my trance-thing my conciousness goes to another dimension! Think of the possibilities. Either it's not happening and this is all a bunch of crazy talk from an even crazier person, or that's what happening, in which case I'm fucked.

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[locked] siryn_song October 14 2008, 14:53:33 UTC
Yeah... er, Mike has a tendency to freak people out.

You're not fucked. Look, I honestly don't know what happens. Do I know of alternate dimensions or parallel universes or whatever the fuck you want to call them? Yeah, I know of one. It doesn't exist anymore. But even if it did, I doubt that's where your conciousness goes.

This is so much to take in. I'm sorry that this happened so quickly. I had a whole lifetime to adjust, and you have to do it so fast and I don't envy you at all. And I'm not sure what to say. You're not a bad person, or a crazy person, or anything else that you think you are. You have an amazing gift, and you have the strength to deal with it. That says so much. You're strong.

What do you mean when you say you see stuff that you don't recognize? Is it just in your trance itself, or there's certain things you see that don't make sense?

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Re: [locked] distortedcanvas October 14 2008, 15:05:05 UTC
Well I'm thoroughly and completely freaked out.

Oh, so there could be an infinite number of them out there? Great.

I'm not dealing with it! I'm shutting myself off from the world. Tell me how that's dealing with anything. Stop saying I'm strong. I'm not. I want this all to stop. I don't care if it makes me a coward, but at least I'd be able to function like a normal person.

Stuff like this. I didn't just make it up on a him. His name is Uluru. And I know it's a he and what his name is. How can that make sense? How is it that I know in my mind and in my gut that he's real?

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Re: [locked] siryn_song October 14 2008, 15:21:29 UTC
I don't know how many there are, if there are any more. I try not to think about it.

You're talking to me. That's something. And fine, I won't say that you're strong. But you're not a coward. And I won't take that back.

..... I don't know. I don't know what to say to that. To him. I don't want to freak you out more by saying that he reminds me of this Apocalypse dude. That won't help. We have these abilities. And there are some people whose ability alters their physical appearance. Maybe Uluru is someone like that, and not someone of an alternate dimension?

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Re: [locked] distortedcanvas October 14 2008, 15:31:13 UTC
The thought for now is pretty well lodged in my head.

Fine.

Maybe he's not from an alternate dimension. Maybe he's a... thing from here. I don't know. What are the chances of it being a person who can change their appearance? I may feel better if I new it was that.

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Re: [locked] siryn_song October 14 2008, 22:23:50 UTC
I wish I could tell you how to get it out.

I don't know what the chances are either way. I know of people exist who can change their appearance, or who just have a "non-human" appearance all the time as a side effect of their power. I know considerably less about alternate dimensions. But I think odds are better that it's the former, and not the latter.

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Re: [locked] distortedcanvas October 15 2008, 08:25:00 UTC
I don't know. I think I just need some time to myself to think.

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Re: [locked] siryn_song October 15 2008, 13:38:12 UTC
Okay. I'll give you some space. Sorry.

Listen, just check in with me at some point? Email, phone call, anything. Just so I know you're still around and you haven't brooded yourself to death. Okay?

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Re: [locked] distortedcanvas October 15 2008, 19:33:16 UTC
Sure.

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