...I got high and filled my own fucking request again. MosesxJay..>.>
Title: Meaning
Fandom: Tales of whateveryonehatesLegenida
Pairing: JayxMoses. More friendship then romantic, believe that shit or not.
Words: 2,295
Summary: Hurt/comfort angsty bullshit shittery.
Warnings: Mentions of past non-con. Hur hur Solon. Fucked up character portrayals. And just general what the fucking fuck. Shit writing. This was kink meme worthy, so that's what to expect.
Other: I mentioned I was high right? I just wanted you all to KNOW this so I have an excuse to point at later.
Stars, moon, and sun twirled above the bandit's head. A peculiar toy yet perhaps better thought out and made then one might initially believe. Eerily, it mirrored Jay's attire, (which oddly enough was never out-grown) in content, almost in lieu of a childhood never granted, but always longed for.
"In your room….alone. It's a about damn time, wouldn't ya say so, 'JJ'?" Moses cocked his head, further fiddling with the decoration that hangs from the wall, not really allocating a great deal of concern to Jay's growing irritation.
He expected as much, and far worse when the wise-cracking strategist learns of the scheme he cooked up just for them to have some quality time together, excluding the Oresoen, his fellow bandits, Senel, Norma, or anyone else who seemed to be ever present nowadays. Goodness knows they needed it; currently, their relationship was in a stalemate.
"Shut up. They were supposed to be back by n-" Jay paused and grimaced at the sight of his companion falling back flat on his ass.
If time was all they needed to become closer, then Moses had been an ever patient man. Two years and thirty one days, specifically, since Grune's departure.
"Whoa, dizzzzzy. Haha! I want one of these."
Jay, astoundingly, had been the one to make the first move, that night with just a simple, but sensual kiss on his comrade's lips, after everyone else had gone to grieve on their own and in their own ways. Jay's way found itself in Moses's arms sobbing; the two of them knowing full-well no word of it would ever leave that tent, and if it did, as Jay had so nicely put it, "Speak of this to anyone, stupid bandit, and you will mysteriously lose your remaining eye."
"Stop being an imbecile for one measly second! Or would even that be too difficult for your pea sized brain to handle?"
The kiss, Moses, in a rare moment of mental clarity, chalked up merely to Jay's sorrow, but the next morning the former assassin claimed otherwise. That he was sick of being alone. That he still wasn't sure quite how or why, but he wanted something beyond friendship. And Moses had vowed to do everything in his power to make it work between them.
Moses remained on the floor watching as Jay hurried over and tended to his….wind chime, mobile, or whatever the hell else he guessed it might be.
"Where…collecting info…shouldn't have... half this long", Moses could make out of Jay's whispered mutterings. It was as good of time as any to be on the receiving end of Jay's anger, not that he wasn't used to the outbursts by now.
Things had started out all right. Hunting, exploring, fishing, trips to their homes: Moses's campsite and Jay's village respectively, which were followed by light kissing, soft touches, and of course, teasing insults aimed at the 'wild' man's intelligence.
Sure, Jay's veiled affection for him had been and still was an on-going concern for Moses, but he hoped eventually Jay would become more expressive of his feelings. He just needed to be patient, he told himself. It wasn't until he tried to take it a tad further that more pressing troubles started to rise beneath the surface, troubles that weren't going to be simply solved with waiting alone.
Nothing major started the downpour. To be precise, it was just an attempt at removing Jay's shirt, but that was all it took for Jay to begin pushing him away, both physically and emotionally. Questions only achieved complete and utter emotional lock-downs. However, at the end of the day, Jay would always have short apologies and mind-boggling explanations for his behavior. In short, the younger man had no desire to terminate their relationship, yet beyond his control, something stopped him from obtaining the intimacy he knew it needed to flourish and Moses needed to feel appreciated.
"They won't be back until ta'morrow. At least that's what we agreed on. It's just me and you until then, buddy."
Moses wasn't as stupid as he looked, or it didn't take a high IQ necessarily to determine the clear emotions behind a very emotionally repressed young man. Fear, shame, pain..and only one logical source the bandit could think of: Solon. Yes, he had briefly pondered, during Shirley's abduction incident, the range of the abuse that fucker inflicted upon Jay, but he had yet to see or hear of any evidence to support his overactive imagination and preferred not to assume the worst. But all that changed; Jay's unsettling reactions were the proof.
"You..what..!" Jay quietly spoke. Not even a question, instead a statement radiating with suspicion and barely suppressed flustration.
"I asked em' to give us some time alone, because I needed to talk with ya about things, things that I know you have been avoiding telling me about, Jay."
After the incident, Moses discovered the only way to salvage their 'romance' without explosive confrontation was to ignore what had happened, and so he did, on the surface. He tried many roundabout approaches, starting with giving Jay ample time and space, hoping for the slight possibility he would come to terms with his past on his own, or even slighter still: that Jay would seek him out so that he could help him directly.
He later encouraged Jay to take the lead with anything physical in nature, but that did little good either. It just reminded him that Moses knew. For Jay, his "dumb-as-a-rock" partner knowing, perhaps, was more painful then the memories themselves. He could see the awareness in Moses's eyes, or to be exact, eye, and all he wanted to do was bolt toward the opposite direction.
Lastly, Moses tried appealing to Jay without words, just pure comfort and support bearing with it no ulterior motives, for by that time, more then a year had come to pass and all Moses really wanted was Jay's happiness and ease of mind. A relationship beyond close friendship was an after thought, and one the bandit knew would take time and a heck of a lot of effort, from the both of them.
The only course of action left to Moses was backing the stubborn man into a corner. Continuing to ignore what he knew to be true or plain giving up was only going to destroy Jay from the inside out. Even going to the extreme of walking away altogether, pretending they had never tried to make this work, Moses doubted would bring Jay any relief. Abandonment was sure to be like a knife in the back, no matter how pure its intentions.
"That's nonsense! They wouldn't have listened to you-"
"They sure did when I told em it was about Solon and what I think he did to ya, and how it's still messin' with yur head."
Jay's face paled, though it was unnoticeable with his skin tone. He had a sinking feeling he recognized where this was leading, and been fearing Moses would keep trying to get him to talk, but he never once thought the lunatic would go to this kind of extreme.
"What are y-you talking about, idiot?! This is by far the dumbest prank you've ever pulled. I'm leaving. Now."
Moses grabbed Jay's hand and spoke quickly, before the dagger wielder had a chance to outright retaliate, "The Oresoren told me the first two months after you were found you wouldn't let em' touch you, not even to keep tending to your wounds, and when they did finally gain your trust, they heard you having reoccurring nightma-"
"S-stop! Just stop.." Jay's arm turned to jelly, too petrified to move.
Moses continued, "So they started sleeping beside you to keep them at bay," Moses walked over to the bed, guiding Jay along wordlessly, and dragged his hand across the linen, coming up with a pinch full of fur between his fingers. Jay watched helplessly as reality dawned on him. The Oresoren, the only people Jay gave complete dependence on, had sold him out, had instead trusted Moses with the facts of his personal life. Powerlessness, descended on Jay like hail, "But even still, they said you sometimes weep his name in your sleep."
"I said stop! M-moses, please just-whatever you're thinking, you've got it wrong! I don't understand these emotions-this whole love thing- I just wasn't ready to get that close to you. That's all it is. Give me some time. I just need….more time to sort things out and then.."
Jay reached out for the edge of the bandit's shorts, desperate and willing to try almost anything to deter the ginger-haired man's attention away from the topic. Deep down, though, he anticipated it wouldn't work. If Moses was the scum kind of man to accept that at a time like this, he would have never sought him out in the first place those years back.
Moses secured the analyst's migrating hands in his own and looked him dead the eyes before speaking, "Jay, this ain't about me getting you in the damn sack, alright. Get worrin' about that out of your dang head! This…this is about Solon and you know-damnit, why do you refuse to just talk about it? As dumb as ya claim I am, I figured it out a while ago. I've been trin'-
"You understand nothing, y-you nit-witted…brainless…fucking bast-" Jay's voice broke into pitiable wheezing. It was preferable when openly bawling was his only alternative. Jay eventually bowed his head in defeat and fell silent, his hands trembling, still held by Moses.
Despite the many rehearses in his head about how he would ask or what he would say to Jay if he ever succeeded in getting past his barriers, Moses found himself mute. He wished he could be like Grune, repairing everything with just a silly, reassuring smile, but no one would ever be like Grune. Jay finally broke the silence, his voice low and chilling.
"Moses..I was once foolish enough to ask him about love. It was the first and last emotion I ever asked him about. What it was. What it felt like. He replied, 'would you like me to show you?' I hadn't yet acquired the wisdom or the past-experience necessary to see the sick, twisted amusement behind his expression, so I replied yes," Moses stood listening in terror, "Before I knew what was going on, I was naked, bent over his desk screaming in anguish. After he was done, he sat me down on the chair, and like you would a rag-doll, he grabbed me by my hair and whispered into my ear, 'That is love. Did you enjoy it, you worthless maggot? If not, I suggest you purge yourself of emotion, or else, heh, well I think you get the idea, don't you?' Then he made me clean up the mess, and it wouldn't be the only 'mess' but it was by far the worst one…I hope that is significant enough 'talking about it' for you," Jay finished, his tone acidic.
Jay didn't notice Moses was crying until he worked up the courage to look back up. He didn't know how to react to that. All he could express was anger, even if that was so very far from what he really felt.
"Q-quit that!"
"Jay, t-that's not what it-"
"Yes, I know. I figured that out more then 'a while ago.' I'm not stupid like you are!" Jay yelled and smacked Moses's hands away. Jay didn't want to look at him anymore. It was too excruciating seeing what he thought was a more fitting response showing up on the face of someone this shit didn't even happen to. He turned around and let loose on the very thing Moses had been so fascinated with before, ripping it from the wall and tearing it apart. For pushing him to this point, it was either that thing or the bandit's face. Sobs came to accompany his fury; however, it was unlikely he was consciously aware of them.
Time ultimately lost all meaning as Jay raged on, far from stopping with the tarnished decoration. Moses watched carefully to ensure his companion didn't injure himself too badly, but did not interfere. He may have not been a very 'smart' man, but instinct told him letting Jay feel pissed and be pissed was the right decision, even though every cell in his body urged to grab him, to hold him, and tell him how sorry he was, how he was going to make things better, or something equally cliché. There would be time for that later. For now, Jay just needed to feel.
Jay felt until his body gave way to exhaustion, descending toward the floor, but it never reached because Moses had caught Jay, lifted him up bridal style, and carried him over to the bed, the only non-living thing left in the room spared mutilation.
At last, Jay allowed himself the comfort of Moses's shoulder. As he rhythmically ran his hands through Jay's sweat-ridden hair and over his back, the bandit briefly considered taking the smartass' advice in the future and actually dressing properly, just in case of rare occasions like this, but then again, there was nothing gross about Jay, not even his sticky mucus. Besides, just because Jay was smart didn't mean he was always right.
Hours later, as they sat silently against the wall looking upon the disaster, Jay, without warning, brought his hand to the other man's face, pealing away gunk from the corner of Moses's eye and letting his fingers trail over tracks left by tears. Moses lifted an eyebrow questionably.
"This is what it means, right?"
"What are ya talkin' about, Jay?" And still Moses usually wasn't all that smart.
"Love," Jay replied simply.
Moses grinned like a silly fool and swung his arm around Jay's shoulder, "Yup. That's what it means."
Fandom: Tales of whateveryonehatesLegenida
Pairing: JayxMoses. More friendship then romantic, believe that shit or not.
Words: 2,295
Summary: Hurt/comfort angsty bullshit shittery.
Warnings: Mentions of past non-con. Hur hur Solon. Fucked up character portrayals. And just general what the fucking fuck. Shit writing. This was kink meme worthy, so that's what to expect.
Other: I mentioned I was high right? I just wanted you all to KNOW this so I have an excuse to point at later.
Stars, moon, and sun twirled above the bandit's head. A peculiar toy yet perhaps better thought out and made then one might initially believe. Eerily, it mirrored Jay's attire, (which oddly enough was never out-grown) in content, almost in lieu of a childhood never granted, but always longed for.
"In your room….alone. It's a about damn time, wouldn't ya say so, 'JJ'?" Moses cocked his head, further fiddling with the decoration that hangs from the wall, not really allocating a great deal of concern to Jay's growing irritation.
He expected as much, and far worse when the wise-cracking strategist learns of the scheme he cooked up just for them to have some quality time together, excluding the Oresoen, his fellow bandits, Senel, Norma, or anyone else who seemed to be ever present nowadays. Goodness knows they needed it; currently, their relationship was in a stalemate.
"Shut up. They were supposed to be back by n-" Jay paused and grimaced at the sight of his companion falling back flat on his ass.
If time was all they needed to become closer, then Moses had been an ever patient man. Two years and thirty one days, specifically, since Grune's departure.
"Whoa, dizzzzzy. Haha! I want one of these."
Jay, astoundingly, had been the one to make the first move, that night with just a simple, but sensual kiss on his comrade's lips, after everyone else had gone to grieve on their own and in their own ways. Jay's way found itself in Moses's arms sobbing; the two of them knowing full-well no word of it would ever leave that tent, and if it did, as Jay had so nicely put it, "Speak of this to anyone, stupid bandit, and you will mysteriously lose your remaining eye."
"Stop being an imbecile for one measly second! Or would even that be too difficult for your pea sized brain to handle?"
The kiss, Moses, in a rare moment of mental clarity, chalked up merely to Jay's sorrow, but the next morning the former assassin claimed otherwise. That he was sick of being alone. That he still wasn't sure quite how or why, but he wanted something beyond friendship. And Moses had vowed to do everything in his power to make it work between them.
Moses remained on the floor watching as Jay hurried over and tended to his….wind chime, mobile, or whatever the hell else he guessed it might be.
"Where…collecting info…shouldn't have... half this long", Moses could make out of Jay's whispered mutterings. It was as good of time as any to be on the receiving end of Jay's anger, not that he wasn't used to the outbursts by now.
Things had started out all right. Hunting, exploring, fishing, trips to their homes: Moses's campsite and Jay's village respectively, which were followed by light kissing, soft touches, and of course, teasing insults aimed at the 'wild' man's intelligence.
Sure, Jay's veiled affection for him had been and still was an on-going concern for Moses, but he hoped eventually Jay would become more expressive of his feelings. He just needed to be patient, he told himself. It wasn't until he tried to take it a tad further that more pressing troubles started to rise beneath the surface, troubles that weren't going to be simply solved with waiting alone.
Nothing major started the downpour. To be precise, it was just an attempt at removing Jay's shirt, but that was all it took for Jay to begin pushing him away, both physically and emotionally. Questions only achieved complete and utter emotional lock-downs. However, at the end of the day, Jay would always have short apologies and mind-boggling explanations for his behavior. In short, the younger man had no desire to terminate their relationship, yet beyond his control, something stopped him from obtaining the intimacy he knew it needed to flourish and Moses needed to feel appreciated.
"They won't be back until ta'morrow. At least that's what we agreed on. It's just me and you until then, buddy."
Moses wasn't as stupid as he looked, or it didn't take a high IQ necessarily to determine the clear emotions behind a very emotionally repressed young man. Fear, shame, pain..and only one logical source the bandit could think of: Solon. Yes, he had briefly pondered, during Shirley's abduction incident, the range of the abuse that fucker inflicted upon Jay, but he had yet to see or hear of any evidence to support his overactive imagination and preferred not to assume the worst. But all that changed; Jay's unsettling reactions were the proof.
"You..what..!" Jay quietly spoke. Not even a question, instead a statement radiating with suspicion and barely suppressed flustration.
"I asked em' to give us some time alone, because I needed to talk with ya about things, things that I know you have been avoiding telling me about, Jay."
After the incident, Moses discovered the only way to salvage their 'romance' without explosive confrontation was to ignore what had happened, and so he did, on the surface. He tried many roundabout approaches, starting with giving Jay ample time and space, hoping for the slight possibility he would come to terms with his past on his own, or even slighter still: that Jay would seek him out so that he could help him directly.
He later encouraged Jay to take the lead with anything physical in nature, but that did little good either. It just reminded him that Moses knew. For Jay, his "dumb-as-a-rock" partner knowing, perhaps, was more painful then the memories themselves. He could see the awareness in Moses's eyes, or to be exact, eye, and all he wanted to do was bolt toward the opposite direction.
Lastly, Moses tried appealing to Jay without words, just pure comfort and support bearing with it no ulterior motives, for by that time, more then a year had come to pass and all Moses really wanted was Jay's happiness and ease of mind. A relationship beyond close friendship was an after thought, and one the bandit knew would take time and a heck of a lot of effort, from the both of them.
The only course of action left to Moses was backing the stubborn man into a corner. Continuing to ignore what he knew to be true or plain giving up was only going to destroy Jay from the inside out. Even going to the extreme of walking away altogether, pretending they had never tried to make this work, Moses doubted would bring Jay any relief. Abandonment was sure to be like a knife in the back, no matter how pure its intentions.
"That's nonsense! They wouldn't have listened to you-"
"They sure did when I told em it was about Solon and what I think he did to ya, and how it's still messin' with yur head."
Jay's face paled, though it was unnoticeable with his skin tone. He had a sinking feeling he recognized where this was leading, and been fearing Moses would keep trying to get him to talk, but he never once thought the lunatic would go to this kind of extreme.
"What are y-you talking about, idiot?! This is by far the dumbest prank you've ever pulled. I'm leaving. Now."
Moses grabbed Jay's hand and spoke quickly, before the dagger wielder had a chance to outright retaliate, "The Oresoren told me the first two months after you were found you wouldn't let em' touch you, not even to keep tending to your wounds, and when they did finally gain your trust, they heard you having reoccurring nightma-"
"S-stop! Just stop.." Jay's arm turned to jelly, too petrified to move.
Moses continued, "So they started sleeping beside you to keep them at bay," Moses walked over to the bed, guiding Jay along wordlessly, and dragged his hand across the linen, coming up with a pinch full of fur between his fingers. Jay watched helplessly as reality dawned on him. The Oresoren, the only people Jay gave complete dependence on, had sold him out, had instead trusted Moses with the facts of his personal life. Powerlessness, descended on Jay like hail, "But even still, they said you sometimes weep his name in your sleep."
"I said stop! M-moses, please just-whatever you're thinking, you've got it wrong! I don't understand these emotions-this whole love thing- I just wasn't ready to get that close to you. That's all it is. Give me some time. I just need….more time to sort things out and then.."
Jay reached out for the edge of the bandit's shorts, desperate and willing to try almost anything to deter the ginger-haired man's attention away from the topic. Deep down, though, he anticipated it wouldn't work. If Moses was the scum kind of man to accept that at a time like this, he would have never sought him out in the first place those years back.
Moses secured the analyst's migrating hands in his own and looked him dead the eyes before speaking, "Jay, this ain't about me getting you in the damn sack, alright. Get worrin' about that out of your dang head! This…this is about Solon and you know-damnit, why do you refuse to just talk about it? As dumb as ya claim I am, I figured it out a while ago. I've been trin'-
"You understand nothing, y-you nit-witted…brainless…fucking bast-" Jay's voice broke into pitiable wheezing. It was preferable when openly bawling was his only alternative. Jay eventually bowed his head in defeat and fell silent, his hands trembling, still held by Moses.
Despite the many rehearses in his head about how he would ask or what he would say to Jay if he ever succeeded in getting past his barriers, Moses found himself mute. He wished he could be like Grune, repairing everything with just a silly, reassuring smile, but no one would ever be like Grune. Jay finally broke the silence, his voice low and chilling.
"Moses..I was once foolish enough to ask him about love. It was the first and last emotion I ever asked him about. What it was. What it felt like. He replied, 'would you like me to show you?' I hadn't yet acquired the wisdom or the past-experience necessary to see the sick, twisted amusement behind his expression, so I replied yes," Moses stood listening in terror, "Before I knew what was going on, I was naked, bent over his desk screaming in anguish. After he was done, he sat me down on the chair, and like you would a rag-doll, he grabbed me by my hair and whispered into my ear, 'That is love. Did you enjoy it, you worthless maggot? If not, I suggest you purge yourself of emotion, or else, heh, well I think you get the idea, don't you?' Then he made me clean up the mess, and it wouldn't be the only 'mess' but it was by far the worst one…I hope that is significant enough 'talking about it' for you," Jay finished, his tone acidic.
Jay didn't notice Moses was crying until he worked up the courage to look back up. He didn't know how to react to that. All he could express was anger, even if that was so very far from what he really felt.
"Q-quit that!"
"Jay, t-that's not what it-"
"Yes, I know. I figured that out more then 'a while ago.' I'm not stupid like you are!" Jay yelled and smacked Moses's hands away. Jay didn't want to look at him anymore. It was too excruciating seeing what he thought was a more fitting response showing up on the face of someone this shit didn't even happen to. He turned around and let loose on the very thing Moses had been so fascinated with before, ripping it from the wall and tearing it apart. For pushing him to this point, it was either that thing or the bandit's face. Sobs came to accompany his fury; however, it was unlikely he was consciously aware of them.
Time ultimately lost all meaning as Jay raged on, far from stopping with the tarnished decoration. Moses watched carefully to ensure his companion didn't injure himself too badly, but did not interfere. He may have not been a very 'smart' man, but instinct told him letting Jay feel pissed and be pissed was the right decision, even though every cell in his body urged to grab him, to hold him, and tell him how sorry he was, how he was going to make things better, or something equally cliché. There would be time for that later. For now, Jay just needed to feel.
Jay felt until his body gave way to exhaustion, descending toward the floor, but it never reached because Moses had caught Jay, lifted him up bridal style, and carried him over to the bed, the only non-living thing left in the room spared mutilation.
At last, Jay allowed himself the comfort of Moses's shoulder. As he rhythmically ran his hands through Jay's sweat-ridden hair and over his back, the bandit briefly considered taking the smartass' advice in the future and actually dressing properly, just in case of rare occasions like this, but then again, there was nothing gross about Jay, not even his sticky mucus. Besides, just because Jay was smart didn't mean he was always right.
Hours later, as they sat silently against the wall looking upon the disaster, Jay, without warning, brought his hand to the other man's face, pealing away gunk from the corner of Moses's eye and letting his fingers trail over tracks left by tears. Moses lifted an eyebrow questionably.
"This is what it means, right?"
"What are ya talkin' about, Jay?" And still Moses usually wasn't all that smart.
"Love," Jay replied simply.
Moses grinned like a silly fool and swung his arm around Jay's shoulder, "Yup. That's what it means."