Why? Why? Why?
Why is this is fucking hard....I feel as if I just lost everything I had going in my life.....I would do anything just to take back time and let him know how much he means to me and that I would never do anything purposely to upset him in any way. I just feel so fucking empty inside as if I can not really explain it very well this feeling....I thought after Andrew and I broke up that it was the worst pain ever, but this is so proving me wrong in so many ways. I have to go back over there today to get my phone charger...It is going to be awkard as hell and I dont know what i am going to do to make it not so much akward ness. 14 days left till the end of the month...HOW AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS? I feel like its going to kill and tear me up so much inside....I do not know if you are reading my journal entires, but I love you so much and I am going to do whatever you wish for me to prove it...this is just a place I can vent about how much I miss your touch, seeing you in the morning while being in a rush, kissing you before I fall asleep...I miss you...You are what makes my life so complete and gives me the courage to take on anything and everything, because I know no matter what you will always have my back and give me all the support I need. I know I may be the biggest bitch and asshole at times...but that is just me trying to act tough....really deep inside all I want to do is just be with you and thats it I dont care about anything eles. I am going to end this now because I am starting to cry....and its just really hard for me to just sit here and think....I need to find something to do to keep me busy for the rest of this month.......Does anyone have any ideas.....Anything at all would be so very much helpful....I smoked half of pack of cigs last night alone,because of this....I feel as if I am smoking one with you and it kind of makes me smile....Anyways I am going to end this now..I may just go smoke another cig just because I can. And I want to think about being with you for the rest of my life...