(no subject)
so im sitting here listening to music and well thinking about everything.I think my junior year was the hardest year iv ever had. Academic wise is was pretty ok. But my junior year seemed to have a surprise around each corner. And lets just say instead of corners.. its more less a wall now. This is where i debate whether it was a good or bad year.
August:
tara, josselyn and i counted down for our "summer cd" which ended up coming out after school had started. the day the cd came out we all wore our shirts like the nerds we are. turns out none of got the cd that day. lets live at tara's house every weekend?!
September: who remembers carolyn's party huh? tara, megan, jossleyn and i somehow ended up at her birthday party. all the kids we dont talk to starred us down.. around 12:30 we headed back to my house where my parents were out of town. im sure you all remember this. a night spent in the bathroom with my best friend. the next day.. no work for tara, headache for megan and a cap in josselyns pocket. p.s. i now drive this month
October: this month was full of homecoming and school spirit. we all figured red robin was the coolest place to go. homecoming night we even went there. i was dating a boy who dressed up like fred flintstone for homecoming. did i mention we won our homecoming game?
November: tara left for a week, she went to california for a whole week. iv never missed anyone so much. blake and i still talking ish. the return of lisa in my life. I got to know gaby by being forced to sit next to her. the night of thankgiving i spent my time with tara and tk. then Tara's birthday.
December: Tara came with me to shop for food. We figured out i would die when im out on my own because it took me almost two hours to get 50$ worth of food. This is one of the months when i actually got sick. Iv never spent so much time in a hospital. I never told half my friends the whole story. my best friend didnt even hardly know. Sometime during this month tara and i sat at big daddy mojo's for two and a half hours talking about " a secret at the time" turns out we figured the puzzle out. My megan was pregnant and was returning to school. winter break consisted of blake and more blake. new years eve im with blake. not with my friends. they are eating sushi. that night i spent the night at blake's house. that night i was no longer a virgin heh.
January: i was so incrediblely happy with my life. according to my parents we were moving soon. no more braces. january 19th. my phone was taken by harris for 24 hours. i had my first off roading adventure in mark's car.
February: tara saved my life by taking me to plan parenthood. alot of fucked up things happened this month. my best friend was being torn from me. i was lost. .. i tried. i drove to you when you needed me to cheer you up. you said the words " krystal i need you" i dont know if you know how hard that hit me.
march: no more blake.
april: WAKE UP CALL! i went through everyone in my life. literally deleted them. one i didnt choose to. more less she had her own stuff going on. days later i finally wasnt blind enough to know i kinda sorta lost my best friend for good. and guess what.. i cried over a girl. because i had never met someone who i had so much in common with, who i could tell anythig to, someone who felt like a real best friend. and i dint have her anymore. around this time i started to hangout with alot of new people.
may: hurray for my birthday. i met mike. i stayed out until 6 almost every morning. barros became my second home. i ditched school. i moved. elizabeth and kelcie were my park buddies. here comes summer school. offically. for sure. talking to my best friend was imossible.i skipped class to see my best friend cry. i did nothing to help. mainly because all i wanted to do was cry. jackie, gaby, jeanette, brittany, mike, elizabeth, kevin, kelcie,lisa, scott, sean, john, matt, became the best things in my life. mr. harris and i actually would have real conversations about my problems. its weird to say he knew everything that was going on.
june:i have summer school.i went camping. im out every night until AT LEAST 4 am. this summer has been amazing.
i couldnt tell you if my year turned out bad or good. because i think they people iv met and now im always with make up for everything lost except maybe one thing.its so sad to say im haunted by the fact of i have a best friend and i dont talk to her. who knows if she even reads this. and i hate saying i dont care anymore. and i dont care what happens to her. and i hate having to be cynical towards her. and i hate not having her im my life at all. i hate that she doesnt trust me.i hate that doesnt belive me. i hate that i cant tell her things anymore. i hate that i dont even know her. i hate how none of text go to her anymore when thats all who they use to go to. i hate how i cant have a conversation with her. i hate how it feels to have nothing in common with her. i hate how she talks about me then i find out about it. i hate how everything i do here ends up tearing me apart.i hate calling you my best friend when you aren't. i hate that there are so many songs that remind me of you. i hate the song all choked up. i hate the song second place victory. i hate jacks mannequin with a passion because i know every song by heart only because i would sing them everyday with you. i hate the word panda. i hate the angry beavers. i hate polka dots because you like them. i hate getting poked by anyone now. i hate gettins hugs because they arent from you.i hate having everything in common with you.i hate scions. i hate telling people you are my best friend when you arent. i hate not having a best friend. i hate lying to you and saying you are my best friend when we both know im not. i hate how i still think you are the most perfet person. i hate for your 18th birthday i wont be there.i hate that i miss you and always have. i hate that half of all these posts in the past two years have been about you; even the ones that you thought were about blake. i hate how you say you have nothing to say about any of this or me. i hate las vegas now. i hate the song woe. i hate roller coasters. i hate my stupid squishy pillow. i hate the color green. i hate ten.i hate working when you're working. i hate how i can write pages about you, when you cant write one sentance about me.i hate sitting next to you and you never knowing any of this. and i hate how i cried writing this entire entry. and i know if you read this you wont say a god damn word to me.
if you would have gone to texas i think i would be better off. rather then see you torn away. and i know if he leaves one day... you are gone. and i wont be there for you still. not unless you say sorry and mean it.and i love how when i told you that you were lonely you gave me the weirdest look and coulnt understand what i ment. and i hope you understand now what i was talking about. and how dare you say i never was there for you. i wish for five minutes you would just look at your life from a different point of view. and honestly look at it how others do. i hope you are happy, i really do. i dont want anything more. as long as you are happy. if you can say you are truely happy and you have everything you want in your life then i'll leave all this alone. i'll finally cut the rope and leave you alone.i'll simply say you were someone i use to know, nothing more. and that will be that. i'll say goodbye and wish you the best of luck. and tara you did break my heart. so congrats. because i lost everything
August:
tara, josselyn and i counted down for our "summer cd" which ended up coming out after school had started. the day the cd came out we all wore our shirts like the nerds we are. turns out none of got the cd that day. lets live at tara's house every weekend?!
September: who remembers carolyn's party huh? tara, megan, jossleyn and i somehow ended up at her birthday party. all the kids we dont talk to starred us down.. around 12:30 we headed back to my house where my parents were out of town. im sure you all remember this. a night spent in the bathroom with my best friend. the next day.. no work for tara, headache for megan and a cap in josselyns pocket. p.s. i now drive this month
October: this month was full of homecoming and school spirit. we all figured red robin was the coolest place to go. homecoming night we even went there. i was dating a boy who dressed up like fred flintstone for homecoming. did i mention we won our homecoming game?
November: tara left for a week, she went to california for a whole week. iv never missed anyone so much. blake and i still talking ish. the return of lisa in my life. I got to know gaby by being forced to sit next to her. the night of thankgiving i spent my time with tara and tk. then Tara's birthday.
December: Tara came with me to shop for food. We figured out i would die when im out on my own because it took me almost two hours to get 50$ worth of food. This is one of the months when i actually got sick. Iv never spent so much time in a hospital. I never told half my friends the whole story. my best friend didnt even hardly know. Sometime during this month tara and i sat at big daddy mojo's for two and a half hours talking about " a secret at the time" turns out we figured the puzzle out. My megan was pregnant and was returning to school. winter break consisted of blake and more blake. new years eve im with blake. not with my friends. they are eating sushi. that night i spent the night at blake's house. that night i was no longer a virgin heh.
January: i was so incrediblely happy with my life. according to my parents we were moving soon. no more braces. january 19th. my phone was taken by harris for 24 hours. i had my first off roading adventure in mark's car.
February: tara saved my life by taking me to plan parenthood. alot of fucked up things happened this month. my best friend was being torn from me. i was lost. .. i tried. i drove to you when you needed me to cheer you up. you said the words " krystal i need you" i dont know if you know how hard that hit me.
march: no more blake.
april: WAKE UP CALL! i went through everyone in my life. literally deleted them. one i didnt choose to. more less she had her own stuff going on. days later i finally wasnt blind enough to know i kinda sorta lost my best friend for good. and guess what.. i cried over a girl. because i had never met someone who i had so much in common with, who i could tell anythig to, someone who felt like a real best friend. and i dint have her anymore. around this time i started to hangout with alot of new people.
may: hurray for my birthday. i met mike. i stayed out until 6 almost every morning. barros became my second home. i ditched school. i moved. elizabeth and kelcie were my park buddies. here comes summer school. offically. for sure. talking to my best friend was imossible.i skipped class to see my best friend cry. i did nothing to help. mainly because all i wanted to do was cry. jackie, gaby, jeanette, brittany, mike, elizabeth, kevin, kelcie,lisa, scott, sean, john, matt, became the best things in my life. mr. harris and i actually would have real conversations about my problems. its weird to say he knew everything that was going on.
june:i have summer school.i went camping. im out every night until AT LEAST 4 am. this summer has been amazing.
i couldnt tell you if my year turned out bad or good. because i think they people iv met and now im always with make up for everything lost except maybe one thing.its so sad to say im haunted by the fact of i have a best friend and i dont talk to her. who knows if she even reads this. and i hate saying i dont care anymore. and i dont care what happens to her. and i hate having to be cynical towards her. and i hate not having her im my life at all. i hate that she doesnt trust me.i hate that doesnt belive me. i hate that i cant tell her things anymore. i hate that i dont even know her. i hate how none of text go to her anymore when thats all who they use to go to. i hate how i cant have a conversation with her. i hate how it feels to have nothing in common with her. i hate how she talks about me then i find out about it. i hate how everything i do here ends up tearing me apart.i hate calling you my best friend when you aren't. i hate that there are so many songs that remind me of you. i hate the song all choked up. i hate the song second place victory. i hate jacks mannequin with a passion because i know every song by heart only because i would sing them everyday with you. i hate the word panda. i hate the angry beavers. i hate polka dots because you like them. i hate getting poked by anyone now. i hate gettins hugs because they arent from you.i hate having everything in common with you.i hate scions. i hate telling people you are my best friend when you arent. i hate not having a best friend. i hate lying to you and saying you are my best friend when we both know im not. i hate how i still think you are the most perfet person. i hate for your 18th birthday i wont be there.i hate that i miss you and always have. i hate that half of all these posts in the past two years have been about you; even the ones that you thought were about blake. i hate how you say you have nothing to say about any of this or me. i hate las vegas now. i hate the song woe. i hate roller coasters. i hate my stupid squishy pillow. i hate the color green. i hate ten.i hate working when you're working. i hate how i can write pages about you, when you cant write one sentance about me.i hate sitting next to you and you never knowing any of this. and i hate how i cried writing this entire entry. and i know if you read this you wont say a god damn word to me.
if you would have gone to texas i think i would be better off. rather then see you torn away. and i know if he leaves one day... you are gone. and i wont be there for you still. not unless you say sorry and mean it.and i love how when i told you that you were lonely you gave me the weirdest look and coulnt understand what i ment. and i hope you understand now what i was talking about. and how dare you say i never was there for you. i wish for five minutes you would just look at your life from a different point of view. and honestly look at it how others do. i hope you are happy, i really do. i dont want anything more. as long as you are happy. if you can say you are truely happy and you have everything you want in your life then i'll leave all this alone. i'll finally cut the rope and leave you alone.i'll simply say you were someone i use to know, nothing more. and that will be that. i'll say goodbye and wish you the best of luck. and tara you did break my heart. so congrats. because i lost everything