(no subject)
This Last month has been insane. Transit between New Orleans and Ft. Worth has been really the only time I had to review all of it. it was funny too, I thought I'd have to fight Tony to drive but he was so exhausted from unknown reasons that he'd tell none of us, and he begged me to drive.
Looking back on everything that's happened thus far i guess i really ant find a point to complain without having a compliment to pop up. If anything i've taken every moment that threw me off and delt accordingly. it's been hard. My Mom and Step-dad falling out and apart. Ashley and I splitting but still stuck together (this has been the hardest), Moving out and getting on my feet, definately a crazy time.
I'm thinking of going to Spokane or Colville, Warren's offered me a job with Jamus doing flooring and It'd definately put me back with everybody that I missed, but i can't help feeling like if I came back it'd just be like me running from my problems. i've been talking with my Aunt and she brought up Aristotle and his view on Virtue ( Right time, right reason, right decision) and it's definately food for thought. I can't say that music up there was more influential than down here because i've grown massively down here but I felt really at home with all the seasons rather than the consistent desert season here (dry+hot=all year)
Ashley, these have been the more consuming thoughts i've had on her decision for the break but her desire for me to stay around:
Thoughts on Ashley:
Shes not stupid, she at no point has made any plays at manipulation or control with me.
She's said that she wants me to do what I want to do because she doesn't really know if she wants to get back wit me, having tasted being single and enjoying it very much.
She's not seeing anybody else so it's not like an outside influence either. I've talked to mutual friends and everyone agrees it was unexpected but this is just what it is, time to breathe and reevaluate.
Thoughts on Myself:
I'm not really anything but impatient and Frustrated. More often than not i'm taking time to think about what I really want and if I want to continue the relationship with her. I'm not sure what i feel for her. I know I love her and that's why I'm still here. She seems to be able to keep me in check on alot of my stuff but i still have a hard time seeing the recovery of this relationship through all it's been through. Okay, not to be totally cynical i know that if we talk about it we can make it work and that's where my problem lies. i don't leave because I know that if we talk, no matter the issue we can usually work it out. it's hard to find somebody like that, in my experience. We can talk for hours and still not be tired.
I saw her yesterday for the first time since we took this break and it was really awkward. E started talking and tried to pretend nothing happened, it was not really that bad but idk, I guess I just dont like going from intimate to guarded. It's really uncomfortable.
looking for an apt. currently with Eddie and James(iffy) until I know if I'm staying in Texas or actually going back North.
That's about it.
Looking back on everything that's happened thus far i guess i really ant find a point to complain without having a compliment to pop up. If anything i've taken every moment that threw me off and delt accordingly. it's been hard. My Mom and Step-dad falling out and apart. Ashley and I splitting but still stuck together (this has been the hardest), Moving out and getting on my feet, definately a crazy time.
I'm thinking of going to Spokane or Colville, Warren's offered me a job with Jamus doing flooring and It'd definately put me back with everybody that I missed, but i can't help feeling like if I came back it'd just be like me running from my problems. i've been talking with my Aunt and she brought up Aristotle and his view on Virtue ( Right time, right reason, right decision) and it's definately food for thought. I can't say that music up there was more influential than down here because i've grown massively down here but I felt really at home with all the seasons rather than the consistent desert season here (dry+hot=all year)
Ashley, these have been the more consuming thoughts i've had on her decision for the break but her desire for me to stay around:
Thoughts on Ashley:
Shes not stupid, she at no point has made any plays at manipulation or control with me.
She's said that she wants me to do what I want to do because she doesn't really know if she wants to get back wit me, having tasted being single and enjoying it very much.
She's not seeing anybody else so it's not like an outside influence either. I've talked to mutual friends and everyone agrees it was unexpected but this is just what it is, time to breathe and reevaluate.
Thoughts on Myself:
I'm not really anything but impatient and Frustrated. More often than not i'm taking time to think about what I really want and if I want to continue the relationship with her. I'm not sure what i feel for her. I know I love her and that's why I'm still here. She seems to be able to keep me in check on alot of my stuff but i still have a hard time seeing the recovery of this relationship through all it's been through. Okay, not to be totally cynical i know that if we talk about it we can make it work and that's where my problem lies. i don't leave because I know that if we talk, no matter the issue we can usually work it out. it's hard to find somebody like that, in my experience. We can talk for hours and still not be tired.
I saw her yesterday for the first time since we took this break and it was really awkward. E started talking and tried to pretend nothing happened, it was not really that bad but idk, I guess I just dont like going from intimate to guarded. It's really uncomfortable.
looking for an apt. currently with Eddie and James(iffy) until I know if I'm staying in Texas or actually going back North.
That's about it.