prime directive: exterminate
title prime directive: exterminate
rating pg-13, like a good b-list horror flick
word count 1,948
pairings fernando torres/sergio ramos, david villa/david silva, fernando llorente/javi martinez, cesc fabregas/robin van persie
summary after writing the serious apocafic, i wanted something light and fluffy, aka: the zombie apocalypse: fernando torres and cesc fabregas are prepared.
Voicemail from Cesc Fabregas, 3 June, 8:43 P.M.
"Hey, Sergio! I don't know if anyone else called you yet, I asked them to but the phone cords may have been cut by now. Anyway, the end of the world is here and the zombies are coming so I'd suggest not going to the airport tomorrow. I've got a bunker in London that I'm at but obviously you can't get here, but there's another one near my house in Barcelona, it should be fully stocked if you can get there in time. Anyway, can you call Iker and Alvaro and Albiol for me? They aren't picking up, not sure if it's the phone lines down or what. Uh, if you see a zombie coming for you cut off its head with something and you should be fine, okay?"
Barajas airport, Madrid. 4 June, 8:05 A.M.
"Fuck this, we should've listened to Fabregas," Villa says.
The meditation room at Barajas airport is not spacious, and Sergio's starting to get annoyed. They can't leave, though, because nobody has anything they can use as a machete.
"Is it clear?" Sergio asks. There's one small window in the door. Llorente is closest. "No," he says, just like he's been replying for the past half an hour. "I can see at least three. They're slow, we could run for it," he suggests.
"No," Villa says before anyone else can even think about replying otherwise. "Absolutely not."
"Who are we missing?" Iker asks. They do a quick headcount.
"Fabregas, but he's holed up in London," Villa says sourly. "David. Haven't heard from him." His mouth is pinched and tight and Sergio knows what he's really worried about.
"Javi said he came down yesterday," Llorente says. "I haven't talked to him since he left."
"Fernando," Xabi says suddenly. "Has anyone called Fernando?"
Duh, Sergio thinks. "Hang on," he says, digging his phone out of the pocket of his tracksuit bottoms.
"Hey, Nando!" Sergio shouts into the phone. There's a lot of noise on Fernando's end. "Where are you?"
"At my place in Madrid," Fernando shouts back. He sounds distracted. "Where are you? Did you go to Cesc's bunker?"
"No," Sergio tells him. "We're all at Barajas. Well, not Silva and Javi, we haven't heard from them, Villa's freaking out-"
"I am not," Villa snaps, but Sergio rolls his eyes.
"Don't worry, they're with me, Silva got here last night and Javi came down right after Cesc called," Fernando says. "Anyway, stay where you are, okay? We'll come to you. We're packing up the armory now."
"The armory? Fernando, have you been planning for this?"
"Well, yeah," Fernando says as if it's obvious. It probably should've been, Sergio thinks. "We have escape routes for every main airport and hotel we pass through, so we'll be able to get out of Barajas no problem." There's more noise on Fernando's end and then he hangs up before Sergio can reply.
"They're on their way," he says, putting his phone back in his pocket. "Apparently Silva and Javi are with him. They've been planning for this. I think they did practice runs."
"I think we overestimated," Fernando says when they finally get to the meditation room and slam the door behind them. "We thought what, at least two hundred in the airport?"
"Yeah, I'd ballpark that at more like one fifteen, though," Silva says, shrugging. He tucks a machete into a sheath attached to his belt.
"Is leather supposed to be zombie-repelling or is that some type of resistance uniform?" Villa asks sourly, pushing his way through the team to get to Silva. "Also, why didn't you call me?"
Silva shrugs again. "I knew you wouldn't believe me," he says. "So at least this way we can get out." He looks totally unfazed.
The team gathers around Javi who pulls out a map of the airport. "Okay," he says. "We're here." He points to the meditation room. "There are three nearby exits-"
"But there are probably around twenty five, thirty zombies in the hallway we need to get through," Fernando interjects. "That means one for each of us and then the three of us will take the extra."
"We don't have any weapons," Sergio points out.
"We do," Silva says. He pulls a duffel bag off of his shoulder. "One each, so don't break them, okay? You need to go for a clean cut to the neck, get the head off in one go."
"Okay, so here's the plan," Fernando says. "We go out in three groups, each of us will take one." Silva starts handing out weapons; there are a few actual machetes (Villa gets one, of course), but the armory is in general a little more motley. There are large butcher knives, which look pretty promising, but the most commonplace weapon looks like some sort of makeshift garrote. ("Those you need to put a lot of force behind, we made them this morning and they should hold, but," Silva warns.)
"First group is to clear this hall- the second group should wait three minutes before following, then pass us and head for this terminal-" Fernando points to the map. "Clear a path to the door. Third group, wait three minutes after they leave and follow- meet up with the first group and then we all go for the exit together, the outside door is going to be swamped. Third group is gonna need to clean up this hall as they go, it's gonna start filling back up once you leave."
They go over details for a few minutes and then split into groups. Sergio puts himself in Fernando's group and swaps his makeshift garrote with Pepe for a butcher knife.
"Hey," he whispers. Fernando leans over to the window and peers out, doing a quick zombie count. "If it's the end of the world, we should probably have sex sometime soon." He doesn’t really see the point in trying to be subtle. There are zombies outside the window.
"Don't worry," Fernando says, turning to him and grinning. "Cesc's got that covered."
"What?" Sergio asks. Fernando winks. "You're enjoying this, aren't you? The whole zombie thing. You look happy."
Fernando shrugs. "I've been waiting for it since I was eleven, of course I'm enjoying it."
Sergio's pretty sure Fernando has practiced this, at least a few times, because they get out of Barajas exactly as planned. It takes him a few tries to get in the hang of swinging the butcher knife; his first attempt leaves him facing a zombie with its head only half off. It tries to bite him anyway. Fernando sticks his arm out and the zombie's teeth hit the leather of his jacket as Fernando hacks its head the rest of the way off.
"That's why we have the leather," Fernando explains, wiping zombie drool off of his sleeve.
"What now?" Sergio asks when they get to the exit.
"We wait for Javi's group," Silva says from behind them. "Then there's a transport outside. We got it as close as we could, but we'll probably still have to clear a pack so we're going to go in a V formation."
"What do you mean, a transport?" Villa asks. "You didn't steal a tank or something, did you? Oh god, you did," he groans at Silva's grin.
Fernando laughs. "How else did you expect to get out of here? Sports cars aren't going to cut it. We needed something armored," he explains.
"Where exactly are we going?" Sergio asks.
"Cesc's bunker," Fernando says.
"That's in Barcelona," Villa points out.
"Nah, he has one here, too, just in case. It's pretty big, too, he used the whole basement of a rec center or something," Silva says. "It has separate rooms and everything."
The tank is cramped. Sergio squeezes in next to Iker and Fernando and watches his teammates pack themselves in like sardines. Javi comes in last, wiping a machete clean.
"All good?" Silva asks. Fernando gives him a thumbs up, and the tank starts rolling forward. Every now and then, Sergio hears the thump of a body hitting the body of the tank and being knocked aside.
Sergio figures it must've taken Cesc at least a year to build the bunker. It's in the basement of a city rec center. The staircase is barricaded and the door, as Fernando informs them, is pure steel. "It'll kind of stun the zombies for a minute or two if they touch it," he explains. "That way we have advance warning to get into defensive positioning." There are multiple rooms, and there's a working stove. One of the rooms is filled with canned food and packaged donuts. "We should be set for supplies for the next two weeks," Silva says. "But by then we'll have made contact with Cesc and it should be clear enough up top to venture out."
"How will it be clear if we're all down here?" Villa frowns.
"Oh, the zombies will get bored eventually and go for each other," Javi shrugs, peeling himself away from Llorente in order to talk. His lips are puffy and Fernando's hair is tousled, which reminds Sergio that he and the other Fernando really need to get into one of the spare rooms, preferably soon. "They're not very smart."
"And Fabregas?" Villa asks.
"He's safe in London, he's converted part of the Emirates into one of these," Fernando (Torres) says. "I've seen it, it's pretty impressive. He and the rest of his team should be there, I don't think he would've let them out."
"Hey," Sergio whispers, ducking to let his lips brush against Fernando's ear. "How about we skip the rest of the guided tour."
Fernando laughs. "Yeah, I can work with that," he says, and when the rest of the team moves to the storeroom to go through the food inventory, he grabs Sergio's hand and pulls him towards the room furthest away from the door. It's small and there's not a proper mattress, just a gym mat, but Sergio shoves Fernando onto it anyway.
"So," he says. "The zombie apocalypse gets you hot and bothered."
Fernando laughs again. "Well, I did get to see you kill some zombies," he says. "That was pretty hot."
Sergio's got Fernando's dick in his mouth when someone knocks on the door.
"Hurry up, fuckers, it's our turn," Villa calls.
Fernando moans and Sergio swallows around him a few times, trying to get him off quickly because he knows Villa won't knock again.
"Jeez, can you teach him some patience?" Fernando complains to Silva when they open the door.
"Working on it," Silva grins, winking, and they slip into the room.
"Cesc has it good over at the Emirates right now," Fernando gripes to Sergio as they head down the hall. "He and Robin have their own damn room."
Voicemail from Cesc Fabregas, 4 June, 11:37 P.M.
"So, I hate to say I told you so, but. Actually, I don't hate to say it. I told you so! I told you the end of the world was here and the zombies were coming, but you didn't listen to me. It's a good thing Fernando and Silva and I had planned for this, you know. And Javi. Anyway, the situation here is that we need to wait three more days before we can go above ground, it's probably about the same for you. Once you can get above ground, you need to get to France so you can take the Chunnel over here, that should be the safest way to get here. And can you guys please listen to me this time? 'Cause, you know. I was right about this whole thing, so."
rating pg-13, like a good b-list horror flick
word count 1,948
pairings fernando torres/sergio ramos, david villa/david silva, fernando llorente/javi martinez, cesc fabregas/robin van persie
summary after writing the serious apocafic, i wanted something light and fluffy, aka: the zombie apocalypse: fernando torres and cesc fabregas are prepared.
Voicemail from Cesc Fabregas, 3 June, 8:43 P.M.
"Hey, Sergio! I don't know if anyone else called you yet, I asked them to but the phone cords may have been cut by now. Anyway, the end of the world is here and the zombies are coming so I'd suggest not going to the airport tomorrow. I've got a bunker in London that I'm at but obviously you can't get here, but there's another one near my house in Barcelona, it should be fully stocked if you can get there in time. Anyway, can you call Iker and Alvaro and Albiol for me? They aren't picking up, not sure if it's the phone lines down or what. Uh, if you see a zombie coming for you cut off its head with something and you should be fine, okay?"
Barajas airport, Madrid. 4 June, 8:05 A.M.
"Fuck this, we should've listened to Fabregas," Villa says.
The meditation room at Barajas airport is not spacious, and Sergio's starting to get annoyed. They can't leave, though, because nobody has anything they can use as a machete.
"Is it clear?" Sergio asks. There's one small window in the door. Llorente is closest. "No," he says, just like he's been replying for the past half an hour. "I can see at least three. They're slow, we could run for it," he suggests.
"No," Villa says before anyone else can even think about replying otherwise. "Absolutely not."
"Who are we missing?" Iker asks. They do a quick headcount.
"Fabregas, but he's holed up in London," Villa says sourly. "David. Haven't heard from him." His mouth is pinched and tight and Sergio knows what he's really worried about.
"Javi said he came down yesterday," Llorente says. "I haven't talked to him since he left."
"Fernando," Xabi says suddenly. "Has anyone called Fernando?"
Duh, Sergio thinks. "Hang on," he says, digging his phone out of the pocket of his tracksuit bottoms.
"Hey, Nando!" Sergio shouts into the phone. There's a lot of noise on Fernando's end. "Where are you?"
"At my place in Madrid," Fernando shouts back. He sounds distracted. "Where are you? Did you go to Cesc's bunker?"
"No," Sergio tells him. "We're all at Barajas. Well, not Silva and Javi, we haven't heard from them, Villa's freaking out-"
"I am not," Villa snaps, but Sergio rolls his eyes.
"Don't worry, they're with me, Silva got here last night and Javi came down right after Cesc called," Fernando says. "Anyway, stay where you are, okay? We'll come to you. We're packing up the armory now."
"The armory? Fernando, have you been planning for this?"
"Well, yeah," Fernando says as if it's obvious. It probably should've been, Sergio thinks. "We have escape routes for every main airport and hotel we pass through, so we'll be able to get out of Barajas no problem." There's more noise on Fernando's end and then he hangs up before Sergio can reply.
"They're on their way," he says, putting his phone back in his pocket. "Apparently Silva and Javi are with him. They've been planning for this. I think they did practice runs."
"I think we overestimated," Fernando says when they finally get to the meditation room and slam the door behind them. "We thought what, at least two hundred in the airport?"
"Yeah, I'd ballpark that at more like one fifteen, though," Silva says, shrugging. He tucks a machete into a sheath attached to his belt.
"Is leather supposed to be zombie-repelling or is that some type of resistance uniform?" Villa asks sourly, pushing his way through the team to get to Silva. "Also, why didn't you call me?"
Silva shrugs again. "I knew you wouldn't believe me," he says. "So at least this way we can get out." He looks totally unfazed.
The team gathers around Javi who pulls out a map of the airport. "Okay," he says. "We're here." He points to the meditation room. "There are three nearby exits-"
"But there are probably around twenty five, thirty zombies in the hallway we need to get through," Fernando interjects. "That means one for each of us and then the three of us will take the extra."
"We don't have any weapons," Sergio points out.
"We do," Silva says. He pulls a duffel bag off of his shoulder. "One each, so don't break them, okay? You need to go for a clean cut to the neck, get the head off in one go."
"Okay, so here's the plan," Fernando says. "We go out in three groups, each of us will take one." Silva starts handing out weapons; there are a few actual machetes (Villa gets one, of course), but the armory is in general a little more motley. There are large butcher knives, which look pretty promising, but the most commonplace weapon looks like some sort of makeshift garrote. ("Those you need to put a lot of force behind, we made them this morning and they should hold, but," Silva warns.)
"First group is to clear this hall- the second group should wait three minutes before following, then pass us and head for this terminal-" Fernando points to the map. "Clear a path to the door. Third group, wait three minutes after they leave and follow- meet up with the first group and then we all go for the exit together, the outside door is going to be swamped. Third group is gonna need to clean up this hall as they go, it's gonna start filling back up once you leave."
They go over details for a few minutes and then split into groups. Sergio puts himself in Fernando's group and swaps his makeshift garrote with Pepe for a butcher knife.
"Hey," he whispers. Fernando leans over to the window and peers out, doing a quick zombie count. "If it's the end of the world, we should probably have sex sometime soon." He doesn’t really see the point in trying to be subtle. There are zombies outside the window.
"Don't worry," Fernando says, turning to him and grinning. "Cesc's got that covered."
"What?" Sergio asks. Fernando winks. "You're enjoying this, aren't you? The whole zombie thing. You look happy."
Fernando shrugs. "I've been waiting for it since I was eleven, of course I'm enjoying it."
Sergio's pretty sure Fernando has practiced this, at least a few times, because they get out of Barajas exactly as planned. It takes him a few tries to get in the hang of swinging the butcher knife; his first attempt leaves him facing a zombie with its head only half off. It tries to bite him anyway. Fernando sticks his arm out and the zombie's teeth hit the leather of his jacket as Fernando hacks its head the rest of the way off.
"That's why we have the leather," Fernando explains, wiping zombie drool off of his sleeve.
"What now?" Sergio asks when they get to the exit.
"We wait for Javi's group," Silva says from behind them. "Then there's a transport outside. We got it as close as we could, but we'll probably still have to clear a pack so we're going to go in a V formation."
"What do you mean, a transport?" Villa asks. "You didn't steal a tank or something, did you? Oh god, you did," he groans at Silva's grin.
Fernando laughs. "How else did you expect to get out of here? Sports cars aren't going to cut it. We needed something armored," he explains.
"Where exactly are we going?" Sergio asks.
"Cesc's bunker," Fernando says.
"That's in Barcelona," Villa points out.
"Nah, he has one here, too, just in case. It's pretty big, too, he used the whole basement of a rec center or something," Silva says. "It has separate rooms and everything."
The tank is cramped. Sergio squeezes in next to Iker and Fernando and watches his teammates pack themselves in like sardines. Javi comes in last, wiping a machete clean.
"All good?" Silva asks. Fernando gives him a thumbs up, and the tank starts rolling forward. Every now and then, Sergio hears the thump of a body hitting the body of the tank and being knocked aside.
Sergio figures it must've taken Cesc at least a year to build the bunker. It's in the basement of a city rec center. The staircase is barricaded and the door, as Fernando informs them, is pure steel. "It'll kind of stun the zombies for a minute or two if they touch it," he explains. "That way we have advance warning to get into defensive positioning." There are multiple rooms, and there's a working stove. One of the rooms is filled with canned food and packaged donuts. "We should be set for supplies for the next two weeks," Silva says. "But by then we'll have made contact with Cesc and it should be clear enough up top to venture out."
"How will it be clear if we're all down here?" Villa frowns.
"Oh, the zombies will get bored eventually and go for each other," Javi shrugs, peeling himself away from Llorente in order to talk. His lips are puffy and Fernando's hair is tousled, which reminds Sergio that he and the other Fernando really need to get into one of the spare rooms, preferably soon. "They're not very smart."
"And Fabregas?" Villa asks.
"He's safe in London, he's converted part of the Emirates into one of these," Fernando (Torres) says. "I've seen it, it's pretty impressive. He and the rest of his team should be there, I don't think he would've let them out."
"Hey," Sergio whispers, ducking to let his lips brush against Fernando's ear. "How about we skip the rest of the guided tour."
Fernando laughs. "Yeah, I can work with that," he says, and when the rest of the team moves to the storeroom to go through the food inventory, he grabs Sergio's hand and pulls him towards the room furthest away from the door. It's small and there's not a proper mattress, just a gym mat, but Sergio shoves Fernando onto it anyway.
"So," he says. "The zombie apocalypse gets you hot and bothered."
Fernando laughs again. "Well, I did get to see you kill some zombies," he says. "That was pretty hot."
Sergio's got Fernando's dick in his mouth when someone knocks on the door.
"Hurry up, fuckers, it's our turn," Villa calls.
Fernando moans and Sergio swallows around him a few times, trying to get him off quickly because he knows Villa won't knock again.
"Jeez, can you teach him some patience?" Fernando complains to Silva when they open the door.
"Working on it," Silva grins, winking, and they slip into the room.
"Cesc has it good over at the Emirates right now," Fernando gripes to Sergio as they head down the hall. "He and Robin have their own damn room."
Voicemail from Cesc Fabregas, 4 June, 11:37 P.M.
"So, I hate to say I told you so, but. Actually, I don't hate to say it. I told you so! I told you the end of the world was here and the zombies were coming, but you didn't listen to me. It's a good thing Fernando and Silva and I had planned for this, you know. And Javi. Anyway, the situation here is that we need to wait three more days before we can go above ground, it's probably about the same for you. Once you can get above ground, you need to get to France so you can take the Chunnel over here, that should be the safest way to get here. And can you guys please listen to me this time? 'Cause, you know. I was right about this whole thing, so."