its been a bit.
i have not rambled in quite some time, and quite frankly i hate this keyboard. but anyway. here it goes.
last friday nov 30th, i had a tonsillectomy. I swear to you being it 10 days after the fact- positively the worst pain i have ever experienced. I have not eaten in over a week, I lost probably 10 more pounds since my 40 pound loss over the summer (that I am not proud of by the way and dont know how it got so bad) so i would have to say i weigh about 130 now.
about 5 pounds off my dream weight. yes, MY DREAM WEIGHT. Being a heavy set girl my entire life, I am very disturbed by my weight loss and often feel fragile around others and are insecure about how i look. Jee, that is ironic. I thought that being slimmer and weighing less would make me more confident and definitely happier.
nope.
I feel anorexic and I dont know what to do. I will have to get my blood checked for thyroid problems when i begin eating again. and when i get over this tonsillectomy thing.
Tonight i completely jumped in excitement when i found i could eat a whole microwavable lasagna. scratch that- happy i could SWALOW it. My throat has been a 'no-go, no-pass' zone for the past 10 days, i was happy to even taste the cheeze and the sauce in my mouth without freaking out that my throat was going to throb. I went in with the notion that no matter what even f i had to turn my head all different ways, cock my head to chew and swallow on the side that hurts the least- i wanted to chug my food. i didnt care. and it paid off. Sure it took me probably a better part of an hour to eat that food, but it all went down and i was not squealing on the floor grasping my earlobes. Thank god for patience and miracles. It took me the entire 10 days predicted by my doctor to get better. Why cant my body be a super body?
Ronald and I are back together. Yes i know what you are thinking, and i dont care. I love him and miss him more than the world. He is moving back here in a few weeks, maybe sooner. and YES i know what you are thinking. HE WILL move back and WE WIL get a place together. I just cant wait to get my voice back so i can start scheduling visits with landlords from prospective apartments. Trust me, having me cal them sounding like i am a deaf mute probably wont help me with a desent lease or even the permission to bring my cat along. sorry.
I go back to work on the 17th- for 40 hours in 5 days. WOW. talk about working retail for the holidays. Those damn crazy holiday shoppers. Thats all I can say about that without being fired.
I am nervous but excited about school next sem. I know that it is a little soon, but considering the spare time on my hands and now the ability to think clearly (soon i wont be doped up! yay!!) i have to begin planning my job around rent and around school and school needs such as books. No way in hell i am getting my loans on time since i never got them for this semester that I left for health reasons, so i clearly cant expect things to go as smoothly as they should. I cant wait to be financially free for a little while, should be just in time for my 21st birthday.
Well ranting so far successful and maybe i will rant some more. I need to get my things together this week since i have the time to. I also have to digitize my family photos and such. Lots of stuff i need to get done from prior arrangements. Nothing too bad, i should be able to get most of it done before i go to work as long s my health continues on this right track. But then again i shouldn't expect too much, after all..... I am the health-break-down freak.
oh yeah did i forget to say i got a new macbook for free? yes, it PAYS TO HAVE APPLECARE.
ok i'm done i swear this time.
oh and p.s.
since i am that bored i think i might change the layout.
last friday nov 30th, i had a tonsillectomy. I swear to you being it 10 days after the fact- positively the worst pain i have ever experienced. I have not eaten in over a week, I lost probably 10 more pounds since my 40 pound loss over the summer (that I am not proud of by the way and dont know how it got so bad) so i would have to say i weigh about 130 now.
about 5 pounds off my dream weight. yes, MY DREAM WEIGHT. Being a heavy set girl my entire life, I am very disturbed by my weight loss and often feel fragile around others and are insecure about how i look. Jee, that is ironic. I thought that being slimmer and weighing less would make me more confident and definitely happier.
nope.
I feel anorexic and I dont know what to do. I will have to get my blood checked for thyroid problems when i begin eating again. and when i get over this tonsillectomy thing.
Tonight i completely jumped in excitement when i found i could eat a whole microwavable lasagna. scratch that- happy i could SWALOW it. My throat has been a 'no-go, no-pass' zone for the past 10 days, i was happy to even taste the cheeze and the sauce in my mouth without freaking out that my throat was going to throb. I went in with the notion that no matter what even f i had to turn my head all different ways, cock my head to chew and swallow on the side that hurts the least- i wanted to chug my food. i didnt care. and it paid off. Sure it took me probably a better part of an hour to eat that food, but it all went down and i was not squealing on the floor grasping my earlobes. Thank god for patience and miracles. It took me the entire 10 days predicted by my doctor to get better. Why cant my body be a super body?
Ronald and I are back together. Yes i know what you are thinking, and i dont care. I love him and miss him more than the world. He is moving back here in a few weeks, maybe sooner. and YES i know what you are thinking. HE WILL move back and WE WIL get a place together. I just cant wait to get my voice back so i can start scheduling visits with landlords from prospective apartments. Trust me, having me cal them sounding like i am a deaf mute probably wont help me with a desent lease or even the permission to bring my cat along. sorry.
I go back to work on the 17th- for 40 hours in 5 days. WOW. talk about working retail for the holidays. Those damn crazy holiday shoppers. Thats all I can say about that without being fired.
I am nervous but excited about school next sem. I know that it is a little soon, but considering the spare time on my hands and now the ability to think clearly (soon i wont be doped up! yay!!) i have to begin planning my job around rent and around school and school needs such as books. No way in hell i am getting my loans on time since i never got them for this semester that I left for health reasons, so i clearly cant expect things to go as smoothly as they should. I cant wait to be financially free for a little while, should be just in time for my 21st birthday.
Well ranting so far successful and maybe i will rant some more. I need to get my things together this week since i have the time to. I also have to digitize my family photos and such. Lots of stuff i need to get done from prior arrangements. Nothing too bad, i should be able to get most of it done before i go to work as long s my health continues on this right track. But then again i shouldn't expect too much, after all..... I am the health-break-down freak.
oh yeah did i forget to say i got a new macbook for free? yes, it PAYS TO HAVE APPLECARE.
ok i'm done i swear this time.
oh and p.s.
since i am that bored i think i might change the layout.