weird.. long meaningless rant that no one will understand except maybe shot.
I'm not really sure where to start.. or where this entry is going,.. so here goes..
Driving 45 minutes to this school everyday.. there and back.. has really gave me alot of time to think.. Especially about stuff I've been putting off.. I guess.
For starters, if you know me at all you know I shelter myself off really well.. and that change does not come easily to me.. I have a hard time adjusting to new things, new people, new surroundings.. It's just how I've always been you know? With this job change is a constant. Every week I'll be in two new towns.. new schools, new people, new surroundings. At first this made me extremely unnerved.. especially when I know there was no way out of it.. this IS what I want to do with my life and I have NO choice but to deal with it. After that hit me in the face like a ton of bricks *as did a few other things*, I realized I'm already getting attatched..
I'm already attatched to this Hotel Room.. This school I'm shooting at, I feel like I've been in Connecticut forever, and I truely will be sad to leave it on thursday morning. Leaving.. yeah that means starting all over again.. in New York none-the-less.. most people would jump at the chance to be on a paid vacation (I guess you could say vacation my job is easy) to go to New York but I'm.. not.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope I can adjust myself to this constant cycle with being in new places with new people all the time because this is what I want to do..
A few other things has crossed my mind.. Things have been eating at my insides and I feel releaved but at the same time I feel like it has only just begun.
It's strange to think about where I am now and where I was a year ago.. It almost scares me at how much I've allowed myself to evolve.. I don't know whether I should be happy for myself or if I should run and hide.. God only knows how well I am at shutting myself off to everyone.. and when I say everyone I mean everyone.
I felt like things were finally starting to fit into place and now I'm back where I started.. I know it's partially because I haven't dealt with alot of things and part of me still believes everything will be okay but I honestly don't know. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do but life is never that easy. (I'm speaking VERY generally this isn't just about one situation in particular so don't make any assumptions.)
Driving has been my new release.. strange. (So has yellow X-Treme Gatorade)
I guess there's nothing more to say.. I could ramble on for hours and hours but it wouldn't make sense anyways. :(
And I'm still in disbelief about Steve Irwin.. (he was supposed to father my children dammit!)
Time for bed.. its 2am. I feel better.
-Chick-
((I so just felt like Sarah Jessica Parker in sex in the city.. thinking outloud everything shes writing..dorkus))
Driving 45 minutes to this school everyday.. there and back.. has really gave me alot of time to think.. Especially about stuff I've been putting off.. I guess.
For starters, if you know me at all you know I shelter myself off really well.. and that change does not come easily to me.. I have a hard time adjusting to new things, new people, new surroundings.. It's just how I've always been you know? With this job change is a constant. Every week I'll be in two new towns.. new schools, new people, new surroundings. At first this made me extremely unnerved.. especially when I know there was no way out of it.. this IS what I want to do with my life and I have NO choice but to deal with it. After that hit me in the face like a ton of bricks *as did a few other things*, I realized I'm already getting attatched..
I'm already attatched to this Hotel Room.. This school I'm shooting at, I feel like I've been in Connecticut forever, and I truely will be sad to leave it on thursday morning. Leaving.. yeah that means starting all over again.. in New York none-the-less.. most people would jump at the chance to be on a paid vacation (I guess you could say vacation my job is easy) to go to New York but I'm.. not.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope I can adjust myself to this constant cycle with being in new places with new people all the time because this is what I want to do..
A few other things has crossed my mind.. Things have been eating at my insides and I feel releaved but at the same time I feel like it has only just begun.
It's strange to think about where I am now and where I was a year ago.. It almost scares me at how much I've allowed myself to evolve.. I don't know whether I should be happy for myself or if I should run and hide.. God only knows how well I am at shutting myself off to everyone.. and when I say everyone I mean everyone.
I felt like things were finally starting to fit into place and now I'm back where I started.. I know it's partially because I haven't dealt with alot of things and part of me still believes everything will be okay but I honestly don't know. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do but life is never that easy. (I'm speaking VERY generally this isn't just about one situation in particular so don't make any assumptions.)
Driving has been my new release.. strange. (So has yellow X-Treme Gatorade)
I guess there's nothing more to say.. I could ramble on for hours and hours but it wouldn't make sense anyways. :(
And I'm still in disbelief about Steve Irwin.. (he was supposed to father my children dammit!)
Time for bed.. its 2am. I feel better.
-Chick-
((I so just felt like Sarah Jessica Parker in sex in the city.. thinking outloud everything shes writing..dorkus))