(no subject)
I haven't written in a long time. Or at least it feels that way. I've had many sleepless nights recently, all because of a project I had due this past Friday. I got it done, and it looked fantastic. The whole process kinda brought me back to my college days, though even then I don't think I ever stayed up for two nights straight. Needless to say, I am exhausted. I mean, I've since slept well for a couple nights, but when you are awake for nearly 70 hours straight, I think it must take time for all your wits to come back to you. I still feel a little off. I'm easily distracted and I'm very irritable, qualities I'd rather not project out into the world. I'll hopefully get some more sleep in the next few days and get back to my normal self. :-)
Working that hard on something really makes you feel good, especially when it turns out well. It helps you to realize your full potential, and gives you confidence for your next project. That alone made it all worthwhile.
It's been a time of such chaos, such frantic running from here to there. Not to say it's been bad, on the contrary, Christmas parties, Amerks games, concerts and such have been very wonderful and I've had a lot of fun. But anyone who knows me well knows that I need time and space to unwind. My room is quiet now, and the only sound is my fingers across the keyboard. My heart and mind are calm, relaxed... this doesn't happen much anymore, haha.
I've been thinking about me, and how sometimes I let the little things in my head, little things that I don't do well, define me. Sometimes I feel horrible for days because of something I said that I shouldn't have, or something I didn't do well enough. It's hard... the reason I feel bad is because I don't want people to think THAT I THINK it's OK. I want people to know when I am dissapointed in myself, because I like to own my mistakes, own my faults, own my insecurities. I don't want there to be anyone in the world more critical OF me THAN me. It's very hard walking that fine line between humble and confident. I guess once in a while, you're always going to go too far one direction or the other. I suppose the important thing is to recognize when you're straying to far from the center, and reel yourself back in as best you can. Heh, I think we've all found that's quite difficult when you are lacking decent rest.
Maybe I'm rambling, I dunno. I guess lately I've wondered what kind of a person I am. I'm not as nice as I used to be. I have a little more of an edge I think. That edge makes me better in some situations and worse in others. And just when I think I have the confidence to go into the world perfectly happy with myself, something very specific makes me crumble again. It's a strange little cycle. Not sure hot that's gonna turn out, but I guess we'll see.
Anyway, I've bored you long enough guys. Take good care, thanks for the ear.
Working that hard on something really makes you feel good, especially when it turns out well. It helps you to realize your full potential, and gives you confidence for your next project. That alone made it all worthwhile.
It's been a time of such chaos, such frantic running from here to there. Not to say it's been bad, on the contrary, Christmas parties, Amerks games, concerts and such have been very wonderful and I've had a lot of fun. But anyone who knows me well knows that I need time and space to unwind. My room is quiet now, and the only sound is my fingers across the keyboard. My heart and mind are calm, relaxed... this doesn't happen much anymore, haha.
I've been thinking about me, and how sometimes I let the little things in my head, little things that I don't do well, define me. Sometimes I feel horrible for days because of something I said that I shouldn't have, or something I didn't do well enough. It's hard... the reason I feel bad is because I don't want people to think THAT I THINK it's OK. I want people to know when I am dissapointed in myself, because I like to own my mistakes, own my faults, own my insecurities. I don't want there to be anyone in the world more critical OF me THAN me. It's very hard walking that fine line between humble and confident. I guess once in a while, you're always going to go too far one direction or the other. I suppose the important thing is to recognize when you're straying to far from the center, and reel yourself back in as best you can. Heh, I think we've all found that's quite difficult when you are lacking decent rest.
Maybe I'm rambling, I dunno. I guess lately I've wondered what kind of a person I am. I'm not as nice as I used to be. I have a little more of an edge I think. That edge makes me better in some situations and worse in others. And just when I think I have the confidence to go into the world perfectly happy with myself, something very specific makes me crumble again. It's a strange little cycle. Not sure hot that's gonna turn out, but I guess we'll see.
Anyway, I've bored you long enough guys. Take good care, thanks for the ear.