This Isn't How I Wanted My Year to Start
I found out this morning that one of the people I support at work - a friend - died early this morning, around 2am. I’ve basically spent the day crying and trying not to cry. He was not only one of my favorite people to work with, but one of my favorite people in general. He used a lot of behaviors that would, could, and did drive people away and I was so proud that I had developed a relationship with him where those behaviors were not used frequently with me.
I still can’t quite believe it. I worked with him for five hours last night and other than being a little subdued - which wasn’t strange since he always got hyped about the holidays and New Year’s Eve marks the end of them - he was completely normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. And it’s not that I feel any guilt because I didn’t notice anything (if anything had been wrong I would have noticed and mentioned it) but I can’t help but feel like maybe I should have paid more attention. Not that I could have prevented it, but that maybe the day would have been better. It was a good day, but it could have been better.
I’m still not over it; I don’t think I will be. I’ve been thinking of looking for a new job for a while, but I still intended to make time for the people I support at my site, especially him. Our relationship was special and I knew that.
I don’t know what I’m going to do on Sunday. Sunday was always my day with him, where he got the majority of my time and attention. We had already made plans.
I still can’t quite believe it. I worked with him for five hours last night and other than being a little subdued - which wasn’t strange since he always got hyped about the holidays and New Year’s Eve marks the end of them - he was completely normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. And it’s not that I feel any guilt because I didn’t notice anything (if anything had been wrong I would have noticed and mentioned it) but I can’t help but feel like maybe I should have paid more attention. Not that I could have prevented it, but that maybe the day would have been better. It was a good day, but it could have been better.
I’m still not over it; I don’t think I will be. I’ve been thinking of looking for a new job for a while, but I still intended to make time for the people I support at my site, especially him. Our relationship was special and I knew that.
I don’t know what I’m going to do on Sunday. Sunday was always my day with him, where he got the majority of my time and attention. We had already made plans.