dreamland
i've had three different dreams about James since sunday night/monday morning. They have all been so vivid, real. And when I wake up I am so fucking depressed. I have no desire to get out of bed after these dreams and face reality. Maybe if I stop longing to be with him he will stay out of my dreams. But the dreams bring him back into my conscious desire. I'm behind in my school work because I'd rather go back to sleep and try to keep the realtionship alive (through my dreams) than accept that it's over. I constantly want to text him about these dreams. but i can't. i need to leave him alone. he can't be there for me anymore bc i pushed him out.
it's so fucking difficult.
i've never regretted a break-up as much as I have this time around. I can't let go of my fear that I let other people influence my decision to break-up with him (sarah, justin). I know that there were some concrete reasons for the break-up. But what if we could have worked it out? He recently stopped drinking so much & starting going out more often......
whatever. it's over. james and i are not james and me. i am just me. and i won't find happiness until i accept that.
it's so fucking difficult.
i've never regretted a break-up as much as I have this time around. I can't let go of my fear that I let other people influence my decision to break-up with him (sarah, justin). I know that there were some concrete reasons for the break-up. But what if we could have worked it out? He recently stopped drinking so much & starting going out more often......
whatever. it's over. james and i are not james and me. i am just me. and i won't find happiness until i accept that.