(no subject)
every single fucking day i am so anxious about the future. only 3 months and a year until i have to face the real world. only 3 months until summer, when they kick us out of the dorms and i end up floating around, technically "homeless" by legal definition. only weeks left until i have to turn in a bunch of apps for internships I don't feel confident in the actual possibility of securing.
fucking sociology. makes me miserable. i've been reading all week about "The Power Elite," and how outside structural forces socialize individuals into certain positions in life. i feel so inadequate. and angry. angry that on paper i will have the same degree as my fellow classmates, but in actuality i will not have the same opportunities. and this should motivate me to seek ways, available opportunities right at my hands, to change this and thrust myself up in the applicant pool. but i'm so fucking pessimistic and don't. instead i'm still 16 and my whole world is crashing down on me. instead i'm bitter that i have to worry about all these extra expenses, working enough hours, and uncertainties on top of trying to maintain good grades, apply for internships, and develop relationships with faculty and whatnot.
god i hate this school.
really, i'm just scared. and tired. and jealous of everyone at this school, who don't have to worry about finances, now or in the future, which their are a lot of those.
(my dad made his FINAL payment for my tuition, which leaves over $25,000 left to pay for within the next 15 months, on top of my already $22,000 in loans i've taken out so far, and he cancelled my car insurance policy, all within the last few days)
fucking sociology. makes me miserable. i've been reading all week about "The Power Elite," and how outside structural forces socialize individuals into certain positions in life. i feel so inadequate. and angry. angry that on paper i will have the same degree as my fellow classmates, but in actuality i will not have the same opportunities. and this should motivate me to seek ways, available opportunities right at my hands, to change this and thrust myself up in the applicant pool. but i'm so fucking pessimistic and don't. instead i'm still 16 and my whole world is crashing down on me. instead i'm bitter that i have to worry about all these extra expenses, working enough hours, and uncertainties on top of trying to maintain good grades, apply for internships, and develop relationships with faculty and whatnot.
god i hate this school.
really, i'm just scared. and tired. and jealous of everyone at this school, who don't have to worry about finances, now or in the future, which their are a lot of those.
(my dad made his FINAL payment for my tuition, which leaves over $25,000 left to pay for within the next 15 months, on top of my already $22,000 in loans i've taken out so far, and he cancelled my car insurance policy, all within the last few days)