(no subject)
This is crap. Bullsh*t. ARRGGGHHHHH....
I don't go to school for a year so FIU wanted me to reapply. Unaware of this, I didn't even think about FIU until class registration time, at which time FIU told me I was not eligible to attend because I missed the application deadline. I really wanted to go to class this semester, so immediately after FIU said no to me, I considered applying at Miami Dade.
I did that. They began to process my information quickly. The only problem I have had is with financial aid, which hasn't come in yet.
So, go through all the tediums of applying to another school and fix my schedule as early in the morning as possible so I have time to work full time. Fine. That was crap. But it's ok. I fixed most of it.
NOW I'm in a spot where I've already been going to school for a month, and I might have to stop? No way, I didn't go through a month of school and extensions to the payment deadline, and pay 80 dollars for a math book and work my schedule around so that I would just be dropped a month later... FAFSA finally sent my information to Miami Dade. (My fault for not really submitting my most recent changes to the thing.) I was selected for verification by FIU, but so was half the school. This slowed the process down some as well. Now that Miami Dade has my info, I'm still selected for verification even though the FIU financial aid office said they fixed that. I suspected I would still be selected for verification because it's my fifth school year, and because of my weird situation.
I have to fill out a verification form. Verification takes one month to process. The student services office will probably not grant me another month. I need a letter from my mother that claims her income is zero and that she has nothing to do with me. If I ask for another week of extension from the student services office, that won't be long enough to cover the month it takes to process verification. If I take a short-term loan from Miami Dade, even that only covers me for a week. I fall short.
Furthermore I have had to borrow money from friends to cover a bill that I owe to a collection agency so I can get them off my back. I can't deposit this into my overdrawn checking account and I have to keep an eye on them to not use the pre-arranged check. They don't want to accept a money order and claim they would hand the account back to citibank to "pursue".
No paycheck. Obnoxious debts. My classes might be dropped.
NO!!!!! I'm sick of being a loser!!!! Fuck this!!! I'm not going to lose again, I'm not going to fuck up again. I'm sick of it. I already know nothing is ever going to go as planned, but how much worse does it get? Shit, I'm supposed to be focusing on my classes and dealing with work, and budgeting my visit to my father and the move to Cali, and struggling to find time in between somewhere for music. I'm not supposed to be spending so much time trying to get class paid and bill collectors off my back. No fucking way, if this is what I have to get through then I'll do it. I'll try harder. I'll miss sleep. I'll make excuses. I'll lie. I'll be insistent. I'll be rude. I'll be angry. I'll be smart.
Fuck all of the bureaucrats and collectors, because they reach out less to me than I do to the hotel guests I take care of at work. Their service is a joke, I shouldn't be allowed to be in this situation.
But I'm not going to lose again, I'm tired of being a mediocre loser. So I'm a square peg that needs to fit into a round hole. I get it. Fine. If it's that way, then we'll see who fucking breaks first, me or them.
Now if only I knew exactly what I mean by "not losing"... what exactly is winning in this situation? Once I take my feelings into account... I don't really know. I'm not really sure. I feel... lonely.
I don't go to school for a year so FIU wanted me to reapply. Unaware of this, I didn't even think about FIU until class registration time, at which time FIU told me I was not eligible to attend because I missed the application deadline. I really wanted to go to class this semester, so immediately after FIU said no to me, I considered applying at Miami Dade.
I did that. They began to process my information quickly. The only problem I have had is with financial aid, which hasn't come in yet.
So, go through all the tediums of applying to another school and fix my schedule as early in the morning as possible so I have time to work full time. Fine. That was crap. But it's ok. I fixed most of it.
NOW I'm in a spot where I've already been going to school for a month, and I might have to stop? No way, I didn't go through a month of school and extensions to the payment deadline, and pay 80 dollars for a math book and work my schedule around so that I would just be dropped a month later... FAFSA finally sent my information to Miami Dade. (My fault for not really submitting my most recent changes to the thing.) I was selected for verification by FIU, but so was half the school. This slowed the process down some as well. Now that Miami Dade has my info, I'm still selected for verification even though the FIU financial aid office said they fixed that. I suspected I would still be selected for verification because it's my fifth school year, and because of my weird situation.
I have to fill out a verification form. Verification takes one month to process. The student services office will probably not grant me another month. I need a letter from my mother that claims her income is zero and that she has nothing to do with me. If I ask for another week of extension from the student services office, that won't be long enough to cover the month it takes to process verification. If I take a short-term loan from Miami Dade, even that only covers me for a week. I fall short.
Furthermore I have had to borrow money from friends to cover a bill that I owe to a collection agency so I can get them off my back. I can't deposit this into my overdrawn checking account and I have to keep an eye on them to not use the pre-arranged check. They don't want to accept a money order and claim they would hand the account back to citibank to "pursue".
No paycheck. Obnoxious debts. My classes might be dropped.
NO!!!!! I'm sick of being a loser!!!! Fuck this!!! I'm not going to lose again, I'm not going to fuck up again. I'm sick of it. I already know nothing is ever going to go as planned, but how much worse does it get? Shit, I'm supposed to be focusing on my classes and dealing with work, and budgeting my visit to my father and the move to Cali, and struggling to find time in between somewhere for music. I'm not supposed to be spending so much time trying to get class paid and bill collectors off my back. No fucking way, if this is what I have to get through then I'll do it. I'll try harder. I'll miss sleep. I'll make excuses. I'll lie. I'll be insistent. I'll be rude. I'll be angry. I'll be smart.
Fuck all of the bureaucrats and collectors, because they reach out less to me than I do to the hotel guests I take care of at work. Their service is a joke, I shouldn't be allowed to be in this situation.
But I'm not going to lose again, I'm tired of being a mediocre loser. So I'm a square peg that needs to fit into a round hole. I get it. Fine. If it's that way, then we'll see who fucking breaks first, me or them.
Now if only I knew exactly what I mean by "not losing"... what exactly is winning in this situation? Once I take my feelings into account... I don't really know. I'm not really sure. I feel... lonely.