online world, what?

[dissociating]

I phoned a crisis intervention line at midnight. I hadn't phoned that line since I was 15 or 16 and I think they called the police and I ended up being admitted? Talked to a nice guy. I'm not doing that well, honestly. It's hard for me to admit I am going to get help, but I'm at the point where I'm going to get back seeing a (or my old) therapist/psychiatrist. Saying this to update people who possibly care about what I'm doing?

Not going to off myself or anything. I live I just need to find myself and some positives about life and gain some ambition (god that sounds cheesy lul). D: The only thing I'm doing well at is work. Haven't missed or been late. There's my happy positive. Other than that, I'm feeling very lost and crying and cutting and etc. Feeling "sick" again. (I hate to use labels) Not a place I want to be at. Need to get some motivation so I can stop whining and feeling sorry for myself. I'm smart enough to know what I ought to do... just feeling too lousy to do it. My lj is not a happy place, sorry. :[ I hope this doesn't look like some omgattentionbbqgievtomeh! post. I'm trying to be general but honest.

Ok, trying to sleep. I work in 6hours! Hope you are doing well and enjoying summer. The sun is sure nice.