A funny story from the recent past
Two Fridays ago a funny thing happened and so I am going to tell you about it here. You see, my brother had come to visit on his what they call 'leave' from what I call 'Iraq' and my sister was also coming down for what is called Thanksgiving and also her birthday which happened to coincide this year. To protect the innocent I will refer to my brother as 'Sergio', my sister as 'Cristina' and her boyfriend as 'Devon even though his real first name is Carlos because that's just what my sister calls him' or just 'Devon'. You see, because this was the momentous occasion where my sister brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents for the very first time!
Now I know what you're all thinking. "But Carlos! Mexicans don't celebrate Thanksgiving! They celebrate Cinco de Mayo!" Well that's just not true on two different counts. You are ignorant and rude. Now let me finish. "Birthdays?" Yes, we also celebrate those only we call them something else.
Thanksgiving went off fine. Lots of food and family and this 'Devon' character seemed like an okay guy. I don't really know what he does now that I think about it. Besides lift some massive weights, I guess. I mostly just tried to avoid him as he falls into the category of "people I don't yet know" and so also the category "people I'm not interested in knowing because I don't like people". The second set coincides about 95% with the first. There are some celebrities who I guess I'd like to get to know.
You know what? VENN DIAGRAM
That should show you my commitment to not finishing this story. I almost quit after all that. Back to my point. I would like to meet Tina Fey but she's married. I don't think we could work through that.
That's fine. Thanksgiving was good. We all went to sleep and we will celebrate the birthday party tomorrow. The theme? Barbie!
LJ CUT!!!
Just kidding.
So after much worrying by my mother (who I'll refer to as my mother), brother and myself over this, especially about what Ken looks like, we finally were ready to go after a trip to a local Savers secondhand store. The people start arriving and I guess 'Barbie theme' means to them 'Dress up nice' because no one looked even close to barbie or ken. My sister's outfit was fucking BLACK. I had this cream-colored sweater to tie around my shoulders and everything and my mother didn't even put on her full ensemble she was so depressed by the turnout. Devon seemed to think 'Barbie theme' meant 'Jersey Guido' with his hair done in the appropriate fashion and a black shirt that displayed his impressive upper body. But still, he's a nice guy. I'm just being a dick.
The party gets underway. I am playing RockBand with my out-of-town cousins and her friends and then it's time to sing Happy Birthday. At this point my out-of-town Aunt is embarassingly wasted drunk. She tells me she's going to make an announcement and thank everyone for being here because she's the 'young, hip aunt' and needs to feel like she's part of my sister's group of friends. She asks me to play guitar after her speech so I say I will and walk away. I feel bad for her kids and then my sister wants to get out of here and go to a bar.
There was this moment when I was in my room lending a guy a shirt to get in when my aunt bust in and tackled this guy on my bed and almost hurt my ukulele. As I was getting ready to leave it seemed like she was hanging back a little too far and I suspected that if I walked out at that point she would try to make out with this kid on my bed in my room. I felt a little sick and so I just pushed her out ahead of me.
THE END.
Okay, finally we are getting to the middle of the story. We go to a bar, I go because my sister asks and it's her birthday and also to be Designated Driver so my brother can also enjoy himself, i.e. Get Drunk.
This place is lame at first. Why does the DJ play only 15 seconds of the song before he changes to the next one? Why are there hip young kids here but also old and balding fat dudes in jeans? What is the target demographic here? Now the DJing has stopped and a live spanish cover band is playing? I just am not getting it so we find a table and I am happy I can sit there and drink me up some HEAVY cranberry juices. Like five or six of them. I do have pictures of this night and my outfit but the camera is not here. Maybe some other time. Everyone eventually starts enjoying themselves and it turns out to be a good night out. Then they start leaving. Eventually it's just 'Sergio', 'Cristina', my in-town cousin, two of my sisters guy friends, and two of her fat girl friends, one of whom I've met before because she seems like the kind of person who has to have me like them because they're fat and fat people are just like that sometimes.
OKAY READ FROM HERE
So, I'm sitting there all night, minding my own business when from across the bar comes flying a bottle and the bottle strikes and breaks against my leg. I see my sisters Boyfriend and Friend start yelling up at some guys then the bouncers escort some guys out and I figure that's the end of it. At this point I am pretty bummed out because there's beer all down my pant leg and I should have been the last person in the bar to get a bottle thrown at him. Because I was doing nothing the whole time! Then I cut my finger on some glass.
So, I go to the bathroom to see if I can stop the bleeding somehow and also because I need to use the bathroom and I see my sister on the way. Hey! She's looking worried and asks me to follow her outside to find her Boyfriend (who I've started refering to as 'Boyfriend'). We're gettinh out and we see a ruckus off to the side. A lot of bouncers and my sisters boyfriend and friend a little mussed up. She tells me to go get my brother so I do. They say the cops are coming and the boyfriend kind of goes around back and my brother goes to get him. I go inside for some reason I can remember and when I come outside her boyfriend is on the ground with cops on top of him getting tased.
He's getting tased with a taser by the cops and he looks angry.
My sister is there telling him to calm down and telling the cops to stop and the cop on top of him is pretty pissed already because he probably had a hard time keeping the weightlifting champ down so he says, "get her away from here!" to the other cop followed closely by "You know what, arrest her!" and so the cop starts putting her in cuffs and she is yelling "For what?! What did I do?!". Then she tells me to go get her purse inside and we can't find Sergio because he went around back and this is really something he should be aware of.
So I go inside and can't find her purse and then head to the toilet room. It's a strange feeling. My sister is getting arrested and I really need to find my brother but I really have to go after all those Cranberry Juices. I'm in the bathroom and I feel like I shouldn't be so calm but I don't know how I should emote under these circumstances. Maybe I should mutter, "c'mon... C'mon..." like I am impatient with my own bladder. So I go back outside finally and my brother is there looking pissed as hell. When my brother gets angry it is a scary thing. His eyes were literally red. The whites, not the pupils or anything. I was afraid he was going to punch a cop or something. He didn't calm down until he punched the drainage gutter coming down off the building, denting it and messing up his hand. Anyways, the cop tells us she'll be out in an hour.
SO
What we eventually learn happened was this: A drunken fellow was falling down but was caught by Devon and placed back up. To thank Devon for his gracious deed he smashed a glass over his head. And then Devon, who was drinking a bottle of beer, threw his beer bottle at the guy who hit him. Have you pieced it together?? He threw the beer bottle that hit me!!
As far as first impressions on parents on thanksgivings go, getting yourself and their daughter locked up has to rate pretty low, especially when you threw a bottle at the brother. Not to mention getting her locked up on her birthday celebration.
Apparently it could have ended at the bottle throwing but RoidRage had to try to get back in and act like a tough guy with the bouncers and probably hit one.
The rest of the night was spent being told my sister would get out in about an hour to an hour-and-a-half on several different occasions. Eventually they told us, around 5, that they didn't know when she'd get out and they'd call which messed with our plans on leaving my sister's lock-up out of the story we told our parents. We get home, get two hours of sleep, then get a call at 0730 that my sister is in lock-up and will be out in about an hour-and-a-half. Around 4PM she's finally out.
She bailed him out and it was pretty funny thinking how awkward the rest of his stay would be. It was also pretty funny thinking about how awkward it will be when he has to come back down for his court date.
So that's my story. I get to say someone threw a bottle at and broke a bottle against me now if anyone wants to trade bar stories with me. My previous greatest bar story was probably seeing a guy with a bloody bottle-battered head get escorted out while I was playing on-stage. I really do live a wild rock star life.
The next week I was DD again for my brother who was shipping out the next day and some fat chick started talking to my while I waited outside and forced her number upon me which I deleted the next day. I did say "no, I probably won't call you" which I thought would be enough but it wasn't.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone by saying "fat chicks" a lot.
That's a long entry, there. Which is why I should post more often in bite-sized installments to get my pagecount hits up.
Now everyone is gone back home or to war but at least I got a cool sweater out of it to keep me company here.
Now I know what you're all thinking. "But Carlos! Mexicans don't celebrate Thanksgiving! They celebrate Cinco de Mayo!" Well that's just not true on two different counts. You are ignorant and rude. Now let me finish. "Birthdays?" Yes, we also celebrate those only we call them something else.
Thanksgiving went off fine. Lots of food and family and this 'Devon' character seemed like an okay guy. I don't really know what he does now that I think about it. Besides lift some massive weights, I guess. I mostly just tried to avoid him as he falls into the category of "people I don't yet know" and so also the category "people I'm not interested in knowing because I don't like people". The second set coincides about 95% with the first. There are some celebrities who I guess I'd like to get to know.
You know what? VENN DIAGRAM
That should show you my commitment to not finishing this story. I almost quit after all that. Back to my point. I would like to meet Tina Fey but she's married. I don't think we could work through that.
That's fine. Thanksgiving was good. We all went to sleep and we will celebrate the birthday party tomorrow. The theme? Barbie!
LJ CUT!!!
Just kidding.
So after much worrying by my mother (who I'll refer to as my mother), brother and myself over this, especially about what Ken looks like, we finally were ready to go after a trip to a local Savers secondhand store. The people start arriving and I guess 'Barbie theme' means to them 'Dress up nice' because no one looked even close to barbie or ken. My sister's outfit was fucking BLACK. I had this cream-colored sweater to tie around my shoulders and everything and my mother didn't even put on her full ensemble she was so depressed by the turnout. Devon seemed to think 'Barbie theme' meant 'Jersey Guido' with his hair done in the appropriate fashion and a black shirt that displayed his impressive upper body. But still, he's a nice guy. I'm just being a dick.
The party gets underway. I am playing RockBand with my out-of-town cousins and her friends and then it's time to sing Happy Birthday. At this point my out-of-town Aunt is embarassingly wasted drunk. She tells me she's going to make an announcement and thank everyone for being here because she's the 'young, hip aunt' and needs to feel like she's part of my sister's group of friends. She asks me to play guitar after her speech so I say I will and walk away. I feel bad for her kids and then my sister wants to get out of here and go to a bar.
There was this moment when I was in my room lending a guy a shirt to get in when my aunt bust in and tackled this guy on my bed and almost hurt my ukulele. As I was getting ready to leave it seemed like she was hanging back a little too far and I suspected that if I walked out at that point she would try to make out with this kid on my bed in my room. I felt a little sick and so I just pushed her out ahead of me.
THE END.
Okay, finally we are getting to the middle of the story. We go to a bar, I go because my sister asks and it's her birthday and also to be Designated Driver so my brother can also enjoy himself, i.e. Get Drunk.
This place is lame at first. Why does the DJ play only 15 seconds of the song before he changes to the next one? Why are there hip young kids here but also old and balding fat dudes in jeans? What is the target demographic here? Now the DJing has stopped and a live spanish cover band is playing? I just am not getting it so we find a table and I am happy I can sit there and drink me up some HEAVY cranberry juices. Like five or six of them. I do have pictures of this night and my outfit but the camera is not here. Maybe some other time. Everyone eventually starts enjoying themselves and it turns out to be a good night out. Then they start leaving. Eventually it's just 'Sergio', 'Cristina', my in-town cousin, two of my sisters guy friends, and two of her fat girl friends, one of whom I've met before because she seems like the kind of person who has to have me like them because they're fat and fat people are just like that sometimes.
OKAY READ FROM HERE
So, I'm sitting there all night, minding my own business when from across the bar comes flying a bottle and the bottle strikes and breaks against my leg. I see my sisters Boyfriend and Friend start yelling up at some guys then the bouncers escort some guys out and I figure that's the end of it. At this point I am pretty bummed out because there's beer all down my pant leg and I should have been the last person in the bar to get a bottle thrown at him. Because I was doing nothing the whole time! Then I cut my finger on some glass.
So, I go to the bathroom to see if I can stop the bleeding somehow and also because I need to use the bathroom and I see my sister on the way. Hey! She's looking worried and asks me to follow her outside to find her Boyfriend (who I've started refering to as 'Boyfriend'). We're gettinh out and we see a ruckus off to the side. A lot of bouncers and my sisters boyfriend and friend a little mussed up. She tells me to go get my brother so I do. They say the cops are coming and the boyfriend kind of goes around back and my brother goes to get him. I go inside for some reason I can remember and when I come outside her boyfriend is on the ground with cops on top of him getting tased.
He's getting tased with a taser by the cops and he looks angry.
My sister is there telling him to calm down and telling the cops to stop and the cop on top of him is pretty pissed already because he probably had a hard time keeping the weightlifting champ down so he says, "get her away from here!" to the other cop followed closely by "You know what, arrest her!" and so the cop starts putting her in cuffs and she is yelling "For what?! What did I do?!". Then she tells me to go get her purse inside and we can't find Sergio because he went around back and this is really something he should be aware of.
So I go inside and can't find her purse and then head to the toilet room. It's a strange feeling. My sister is getting arrested and I really need to find my brother but I really have to go after all those Cranberry Juices. I'm in the bathroom and I feel like I shouldn't be so calm but I don't know how I should emote under these circumstances. Maybe I should mutter, "c'mon... C'mon..." like I am impatient with my own bladder. So I go back outside finally and my brother is there looking pissed as hell. When my brother gets angry it is a scary thing. His eyes were literally red. The whites, not the pupils or anything. I was afraid he was going to punch a cop or something. He didn't calm down until he punched the drainage gutter coming down off the building, denting it and messing up his hand. Anyways, the cop tells us she'll be out in an hour.
SO
What we eventually learn happened was this: A drunken fellow was falling down but was caught by Devon and placed back up. To thank Devon for his gracious deed he smashed a glass over his head. And then Devon, who was drinking a bottle of beer, threw his beer bottle at the guy who hit him. Have you pieced it together?? He threw the beer bottle that hit me!!
As far as first impressions on parents on thanksgivings go, getting yourself and their daughter locked up has to rate pretty low, especially when you threw a bottle at the brother. Not to mention getting her locked up on her birthday celebration.
Apparently it could have ended at the bottle throwing but RoidRage had to try to get back in and act like a tough guy with the bouncers and probably hit one.
The rest of the night was spent being told my sister would get out in about an hour to an hour-and-a-half on several different occasions. Eventually they told us, around 5, that they didn't know when she'd get out and they'd call which messed with our plans on leaving my sister's lock-up out of the story we told our parents. We get home, get two hours of sleep, then get a call at 0730 that my sister is in lock-up and will be out in about an hour-and-a-half. Around 4PM she's finally out.
She bailed him out and it was pretty funny thinking how awkward the rest of his stay would be. It was also pretty funny thinking about how awkward it will be when he has to come back down for his court date.
So that's my story. I get to say someone threw a bottle at and broke a bottle against me now if anyone wants to trade bar stories with me. My previous greatest bar story was probably seeing a guy with a bloody bottle-battered head get escorted out while I was playing on-stage. I really do live a wild rock star life.
The next week I was DD again for my brother who was shipping out the next day and some fat chick started talking to my while I waited outside and forced her number upon me which I deleted the next day. I did say "no, I probably won't call you" which I thought would be enough but it wasn't.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone by saying "fat chicks" a lot.
That's a long entry, there. Which is why I should post more often in bite-sized installments to get my pagecount hits up.
Now everyone is gone back home or to war but at least I got a cool sweater out of it to keep me company here.