Fanfic: Selfish
Title: Selfish
Pairing: Ron/Draco, Harry/RonSummary: Harry muses over his relationship with Ron, based on shaky grounds, unrequited love, selfishness and sacrifice. A choice had been made and maybe, maybe it was the wrong one.
Disclaimer: I don't own, Rowling does.
Harry sighed, looking at the redhead lying in bed next to him. The dormitory was silent, apart from Neville's snores, and Harry liked that. Silence. Peace.
He looked down at Ron and felt a smile draw its way to his lips. The sight of Ron always did that to him…
"Choose"
He remembered when he had told Ron, when he had made him choose.
"It's either me or Malfoy." He had said.
And Ron had chosen him…
An irresistible need to cry.
Guilt…Guilt because he knew.
He knew that Ron was in love with the slytherin and that Malfoy loved him back. Still, Ron had chosen him, Harry Potter, his fucking best friend. And why? Out of friendship, brotherly love? Or was it just because the redhead knew just how much Harry needed him in these dark times?
Ron shifted under the covers, mumbling something in his sleep.
"Choose"…And he chose him.
Sacrifice, thought Harry, a new wave of tears battling with no success to mark his cheeks. Ron sacrificed his true love for him, with no hesitation. No second thoughts. Hell! Probably no regrets even.
And the worst part? Harry let him, maybe even made him do it.
" But I love him".
So much.
And isn't that supposed to be enough?
I lovehim. And Ron knew that….No regrets.
He would smile at Harry, kiss him, touch him, and in doing so, he'd break his own heart a little more with every touch.
And Harry would let him.
Sometimes, he wondered if Ron saw the ferret's face when they were intimate…if he had to refrain himself from shouting "Draco" instead of "Harry"….But, deep down, he knew that Ron wouldn't even allow himself that. That's how much he cared, how much he was willing to sacrifice.
"Selfish".
But he never gets to be selfish; he always always does what's best for everyone else but himself. Hell, he was going to fight the darkest wizard ever, ready to sacrifice his own life…
So, wasn't it okay to be selfish, just this once, just about this?
No. Not about this.
Ron.
Suddenly, silence felt oppressing and Harry broke it with a whisper:
"I am not selfish".
And he knew what he had to do.
He had to let Ron go. Make him go.
Sacrifice.
"My turn to sacrifice".
Except that it felt that sacrifice was what he's been doing his whole life. And now he had to make the hardest one ever.
"I'm not selfish"
"No, you're not", whispered a sleepy voice.
Harry turned in a gasp to meet Ron's gaze.
"Ron…Hey".
Ron stretched in the bed and then leant for a kiss. Harry closed his eyes to enjoy the warmth on his lips. After they parted, Ron asked:
"What were you doing up, talking all alone?"
Harry opened his mouth but ended up staring at Ron's eyes, losing himself in the blue ocean of his gaze.
"I …I love you." He said, in a sheepish voice, as if to apologize.
Ron nodded. He knew.
"Come here"
And Harry obeyed with a grin, forgetting his decision and putting aside all the guilt.
Maybe he'll be selfish, just for a little longer.