first entry
i hate trying to describe myself. it always sounds like complete bullshit. sorta like this.... "i like horseback riding, sushi and long walks on the beach...." blah blah blah who cares! so i am just going to jump right in and write in my journal. you can get to know me by reading on.....
it's easter and the family is piling into the beamer and the big ass-kicking-pick-em-up truck to head over to my brothers for a fun filled day of easter egg hunting and stuffing our faces with ham, baked macaroni and cheese, green beans, squash casserole, potato casserole and some more of the usual suspects of family dinners. this has been a tradition for as long as i can remember...as i am sure it is with your family. but the thing i always remembered hating the most was being made to feel guilty if you didn't want to eat something that was presented to you. "what's wrong honey, don't you like my (insert any dish of your liking here)? but i worked soooo hard on it." or "i thought you liked ham!" so this brings me to the present. all that guilt led me to overeating my whole life which in turn led me to a life of trying one diet after another and ultimately failing miserably....so now i am trying to lose weight in preparation for gastric bypass surgery. i really don't want to make this journal about my weight loss struggles, but it does happen to be a major part of my life right now so i will write of it intermittently. i have 2 more months left of my 3 month medically supervised diet and exercise program that is required by my insurance company prior to the surgery. i have failed to lose an ounce and in fact have gained 2 lbs. i don't suppose the eating out almost nightly and not exercising has anything to do with it.... huh huh??? so anyway here i am going to this family dinner with boucoup amount of food during the midst of all of this. so what's the plan? do i dare take my measuring cups and serve up my portions in them? i guess i do if i plan to do what is necessary for me for my health for my life. i think it's time to be selfish. tomorrow is the day because we don't get re-dos......