(no subject)
So honestly, if someone would just love to drop off a satchel of 5g's on my doorstep, that would be fantastic. My money is blowing away before my eyes and I can't stop it, and now with the death of my laptop (R.I.P. Simone) it's just going to fly out even faster. I'm torn between dropping the cash to get a new computer, around an even $1,000 or just to wait out the summer, half of which I won't be around for, and save up to buy it before school starts again. I really had no idea how intergral that thing was in my life, and now I just have the cords in my room sitting around in a faint square like area where the computer itself should be. I find out tomorrow if anything off of the harddrive can be salvaged, and I've already set myself up for a big NO and starting to cope without having the 3 years worth of information and other tidbits that I'd written and produced. It sucks that it's all completely lost, but then again, it's not like it won't be forgotten in due time. Suck it up and move on.
My mother used to say that to me all the time and I fucking hate that saying.
The trip is 20 days away and while it feels good to realize that, and I can actually fathom that amount of time, it's not coming fast enough. I fucking hate school and 3/4 of the time I'm contemplating just not finishing the gads of work I have left and working up until we leave, and if I didn't have the looming parental eye over my shoulder, I would have done that already. I say that and then I actually get to declare my major (which is a long process for an impacted one, for all of you who aren't aware) and start working on it next semester, which will hopefully be better than this one. I always say that, too, though, and it turns out shitty and I end up giving up at least half way through. I never used to understand how people dropped out of school all of the time, and now I do. It makes me sad that the Bachelor's degree means shit in modern times, because working to get it has honestly been one of the most trying things I've ever done. True, I haven't done much in 21 years, but I just feel so old inside that I feel like I should have a lot more to account for than what I do at the moment. I suppose that should be inspiring, to get up to that point where I feel like I should be, but I'm just so confused as to how all of this is moving so slowly, when the past years have just flown by. Time's relative and blah, blah, blah, but that doesn't stop me from hating all of this.
But, hopefully this trip will truly be the light at the end of the tunnel that I want it and perceive it to be, and I'll come back home and have a fresh outlook on what I'm doing with this life that's been given to me. I should utilize it more and appreciate it instead of just bitching, because I've made this for myself and I can change it if I really want to. It makes me wonder if I like being on the verge of a crippling depression or if I'm just a masochistic melodramatic hypchondriac. How's that for overused 10 cent vocabulary words?
I also wonder if there's some kind of test to take for adult ADD. Then again, I hate taking pills, so ixnay on that.
The girl sitting next to me in this here lab at San Francisco State University is stealing pictures of people off of thefacebook.com and putting them into the essay she's writing. Say what?
My mother used to say that to me all the time and I fucking hate that saying.
The trip is 20 days away and while it feels good to realize that, and I can actually fathom that amount of time, it's not coming fast enough. I fucking hate school and 3/4 of the time I'm contemplating just not finishing the gads of work I have left and working up until we leave, and if I didn't have the looming parental eye over my shoulder, I would have done that already. I say that and then I actually get to declare my major (which is a long process for an impacted one, for all of you who aren't aware) and start working on it next semester, which will hopefully be better than this one. I always say that, too, though, and it turns out shitty and I end up giving up at least half way through. I never used to understand how people dropped out of school all of the time, and now I do. It makes me sad that the Bachelor's degree means shit in modern times, because working to get it has honestly been one of the most trying things I've ever done. True, I haven't done much in 21 years, but I just feel so old inside that I feel like I should have a lot more to account for than what I do at the moment. I suppose that should be inspiring, to get up to that point where I feel like I should be, but I'm just so confused as to how all of this is moving so slowly, when the past years have just flown by. Time's relative and blah, blah, blah, but that doesn't stop me from hating all of this.
But, hopefully this trip will truly be the light at the end of the tunnel that I want it and perceive it to be, and I'll come back home and have a fresh outlook on what I'm doing with this life that's been given to me. I should utilize it more and appreciate it instead of just bitching, because I've made this for myself and I can change it if I really want to. It makes me wonder if I like being on the verge of a crippling depression or if I'm just a masochistic melodramatic hypchondriac. How's that for overused 10 cent vocabulary words?
I also wonder if there's some kind of test to take for adult ADD. Then again, I hate taking pills, so ixnay on that.
The girl sitting next to me in this here lab at San Francisco State University is stealing pictures of people off of thefacebook.com and putting them into the essay she's writing. Say what?