(no subject)
Sometimes I wonder if my ambition actually exceeds my perceived talent. People always say to shoot for your dreams and all of that optimistic bullshit, but you have to sit back and wonder if you're going to be one of those people that can actually attain those dreams, or if you're going to be one of the countless others who's bogged down by the simple lack of ability and initiative to do that. You always strive to do the best you can do, but there's usually someone who's doing better than you are, but then there's always someone who's doing worse. I don't know if that's really a reason to settle for the mediocre, but then there doesn't seem to be any other options than that. There are so many flipsides to the coin, different outcomes and potential happenings that it could all change with an upsweep in esteem and/or vice versa. It's frustrating, because that outcome doesn't ever seem to be predictable enough for you to be comfortable in your actions and efforts, so you're always on your toes and reaching, and I wonder if I'm ever going to get tired of reaching and just give up and be happy with what I have. But if there's something more, something that I've always wanted and just couldn't ever get, is that item going to be the hitch in the overall sense of happiness for the rest of my time? I can't fathom being any older than I am right now, when avenues have closed off and there isn't much to be done to change those kind of things. The memories that have roots back to things that could have changed, if I had just done one thing differently on one day, it could have changed and the reaching wouldn't have been completely out of vain.
I am utterly terrified of what Father Time hasn't told me yet.
I am utterly terrified of what Father Time hasn't told me yet.