(no subject)
I talked to someone from high school earlier tonight, a conversation that proved to be pretty fucking depressing since she used to be one of my closest friends and we had absolutely nothing to really say to each other. I do this occasionally, making random and out of the blue phone calls to old friends like her under the delusion that things haven't changed and that they'll be glad to hear from me. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get over the fact that we're all growing up and mostly "adults" now, with really nothing much to talk about besides our daily lives, of which no one actually gives a shit about since it's all about people that none of them has ever met nor will ever meet. She asked me if I was coming "home" but corrected herself half way through her question, realizing that I really am home right now, in her words, my "roots" are here, not in Orange County anymore. I feel like I should have more here if that's true, but then again, what I have here really is all that I have, physical posessions and people all the same. We hung up with the silent understanding that we probably wouldn't talk to each other until next year and that doesn't bother me, but it does. I think it only does because you never really realize how fast people change when you aren't there; but then again, I haven't been there for three years now, so what am I expecting? Shit doesn't just freeze when you're not there. I wish it did, though.
I've been homesick as a motherfucker lately. The weather here has been fucking beautiful as hell, sunny and just the right temperature, just a little hot with huge, puffy clouds, and the occasional breeze coming in from the Pacific. Amazing. I've actually worn shorts out during the night time, and everyone else is too. It reminds me of home, when I was still in high school and had a mess of friends, we'd all just drive around all night listening to loud music with the windows rolled down, mainly so my car wouldn't smell THAT badly of cigarettes since all of us were 16 or 17 and not supposed to be smoking in the first place. I miss those aimless nights so fucking much. It's so unbelievably sad to me that I'll never have that again, and while that makes those specific memories all the better, I wish I knew what I had when I had it. Life's a fucking whore like that.
Most of my time's been spent in my head lately and I'm figuring some things out that I should have a long time ago. I like that. I felt like I was kind of out of touch with myself for a bit there and I'm a little more comfortable than I was before. Let's keep it going until the end of the semester. Summer can't come fast enough.
I've been homesick as a motherfucker lately. The weather here has been fucking beautiful as hell, sunny and just the right temperature, just a little hot with huge, puffy clouds, and the occasional breeze coming in from the Pacific. Amazing. I've actually worn shorts out during the night time, and everyone else is too. It reminds me of home, when I was still in high school and had a mess of friends, we'd all just drive around all night listening to loud music with the windows rolled down, mainly so my car wouldn't smell THAT badly of cigarettes since all of us were 16 or 17 and not supposed to be smoking in the first place. I miss those aimless nights so fucking much. It's so unbelievably sad to me that I'll never have that again, and while that makes those specific memories all the better, I wish I knew what I had when I had it. Life's a fucking whore like that.
Most of my time's been spent in my head lately and I'm figuring some things out that I should have a long time ago. I like that. I felt like I was kind of out of touch with myself for a bit there and I'm a little more comfortable than I was before. Let's keep it going until the end of the semester. Summer can't come fast enough.