each look into your eyes i'm falling a little more and more...
i hate days of being extremely busy.
but nothing is better than a cancelled class on a tues/thurs when i have super long class days and no breaks.
now i can shower before colorguard and pre-STX chat with Tony.
woo!!
i would've had 20 minutes to shower after the training meeting and before my first class this morning but i got a little preoccupied with my boyfriend. he was up doing homework till forever last night all night so i although he was sitting in my room and i could see him, i was trying my best to let him to his work, therefore not *really* spending time, persay.
:)
i went home with justin last weekend for friday and saturday cuz he had some stuff to do (like pay for my valentine's day present). i was nervous cuz i figured that if his mom was nice to me last time, maybe she wouldn't like me anymore. (recall what i wrote back when i went to visit him the first time:
"justin's family is also really cool. i heard his mom hasn't liked too many girls he brings home so i didn't know what to expect (and i wanted her to like me!!), but overall i got along with her too..." )
only she still liked me. at least i hope!! haha. and so does his dog who was doing nothing but attacking me with puppy kisses. :) :) :) soooo cute.
we spent all night looking through boxes and boxes of pictures. it was really cute seeing justin growing up. haha. for the most part, he hasn't changed one bit. lol.
there were some pictures of him and akiko that i don't think he has seen in a really long time so it was kinda weird once those came out. (that's the girl he dated for like, ever and lived with and whatnot). i know he is really close with her still and fond of her and whatnot so i felt kinda like he wanted to reminiscinse but couldn't cuz, there i was. it kinda sucked a little, i'm not gonna lie cuz well... you're idea of a good evening probably isn't sitting with your boyfriend while he thinks about his ex girlfriend that you're pretty sure he still kinda loves. haha. so... yea. just kinda weird i guess.
but i tried to relate it to myself. i mean, i still talk to guys i dated and i would be mad if he didn't trust me with that so i ahve to give him the benefit of the doubt. and then, i was talking to meg about this ...
i remember a year or so ago i came across all my pictures of me and steve. i had sorta pushed him out of my life because, well you know why. it was really really hard. since timmy and ben have always been friends i was always stuck running into steve and it was really hard. and to this day i am fond of him, i always will be. he was my "first love" so it's not like i'm just going to forget him. but anyways, when i came acorss those pictures for the first time in a long time i just wanted the chance to sit and think about those memories, because despite the whole, kissing the other girl in front of me after lying about it, it was lots of building a relationship and learning and good times before that. i wanted to remember those times and not the bad one. i would be real mad if someone tried to tell me i wasn't allowed to think about that now. real mad. (granted, i don't talk to steve anymore either, but i have talked to jill recently and my mom had talked to his mom once not too long ago and she is always filling me in on what he is up to and i am always curious to know) ... but i had to think about that.
because it's kinda hard to see your boyfriend looking at pictures of him and his ex (who is absolutely gorgeous, of course) and thinking about her that way.
and i think it's hard because i'm not really sure where justin stands in our relationship right now. we're still kinda walking along on the "let's see what happens" line and it's getting harder and harder for me to do. i am totally falling for this boy and he has really stolen my heart.
i know that now even more because though it kinda hurt to have to sit there for that, i realized that i can relate to it and that i wouldn't even intend on getting back together with steve. (or even say someone like dave koltai - never ever EVER going to happen but i will always want to know how he's doing, and that wasn't even a relationship of any sort but a friendship). i can totally see where he is coming from.
i guess it was just a big moment for me in realizing how much i really do care about justin.
enough that ... i don't care about that. i just want him to be happy. and i don't want him to ever feel like he can't look at something or remember things just on account of me.
i don't know if any of this is making sense anymore cuz i am jumping all over the place.
but the point is, it wasn't a "falling for you" moment. it was a genuine, "i trust you" moment.
i can't remember the last time i had one of those.
years maybe.
and it feels good to trust someone that much and to care about someone THAT much.
so, in essence, it has turned into a "falling for you" moment.
but i am still unsure of where he stands, like i said.
after he gave me that ring i thought for sure he was feeling something more than "i kinda care about you."
but i refuse to risk jumping to any conclusions, for my own good.
life is so confusing.
i need a new topic.
like how much i hate school.
well not really.
i was so excited to have the chance to sound design for this show only i haven't had two seconds to work on it because i have been so busy with school and rotc stuff and everything else i need to do. so now its the week of the show and i am not ready, and i don't have the time to make it ready. and i keep hearig different things or being told things at the very last second. but i have too many classes and prior obligatinos that i can't get out of to have things ready that fast.
it is really frustrating.
and the STX RT this weekend. i am going to suck it up and do it. and i am going to hope and PRAY that my knee can make it through.
i need to get better.
i need to go to LDAC this summer. i am going to seriously cry if i can't.
but i am stressed over the STX RT because it is going to be the first time i do a STX lane really. besides these things in lab. i don't even think i ran a STX lane at LTC. or if i did it didn't really count because LT Graham was always right there helping me since i didn't even know the battle drills, let alone what to do on a STX lane.
this is gonna kinda suck a little.
but at least i am FINALLY getting a little more practice.
i wonder if i should ask SGT O to get me some polypro...
so... next weekend justin will be gone and i need something to do friday night.
there is a really good play in buffalo. maybe?
but if not i just miss carrie and rach and elise and ash and everyone... maybe we can do something? maybe?
oh!!
how could i forget?
justin and i are trying this diet thing that his mom got from his grandma. it is INSANE. and i am starving. but supposedly you can lose quite a few pounds and you only do it for 3 days and 2 days off (and then keep going if you want i guess). something like 8 to 11 pounds or so his mom and grandparents lost on it for a week. crazy!! so we are trying it and i am starving. STARVING. argh. haha.
we started it yesterday so i'll let you know thursday if it worked or not.
anyways... i need to go shower and then head off to colorguard and then pre STX talk stuff and then MIl Sci and then Scene Painting and then i need to meet with Tabitha for my evaluation (which may or may not suck cuz i wrote a really crappy yellow card for this rotation of our leadership stuff for ROTC ... hopefully not bad).
and, btw ... i have my dress for the mil ball. i found it. it is absolutely GORGEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.
justin even paid for it for me cuz i didn't have money for it.
just you wait.
it is soooo wonderful.
alright.
time for the rest of the day.
peace out.
hehe.
:)
but nothing is better than a cancelled class on a tues/thurs when i have super long class days and no breaks.
now i can shower before colorguard and pre-STX chat with Tony.
woo!!
i would've had 20 minutes to shower after the training meeting and before my first class this morning but i got a little preoccupied with my boyfriend. he was up doing homework till forever last night all night so i although he was sitting in my room and i could see him, i was trying my best to let him to his work, therefore not *really* spending time, persay.
:)
i went home with justin last weekend for friday and saturday cuz he had some stuff to do (like pay for my valentine's day present). i was nervous cuz i figured that if his mom was nice to me last time, maybe she wouldn't like me anymore. (recall what i wrote back when i went to visit him the first time:
"justin's family is also really cool. i heard his mom hasn't liked too many girls he brings home so i didn't know what to expect (and i wanted her to like me!!), but overall i got along with her too..." )
only she still liked me. at least i hope!! haha. and so does his dog who was doing nothing but attacking me with puppy kisses. :) :) :) soooo cute.
we spent all night looking through boxes and boxes of pictures. it was really cute seeing justin growing up. haha. for the most part, he hasn't changed one bit. lol.
there were some pictures of him and akiko that i don't think he has seen in a really long time so it was kinda weird once those came out. (that's the girl he dated for like, ever and lived with and whatnot). i know he is really close with her still and fond of her and whatnot so i felt kinda like he wanted to reminiscinse but couldn't cuz, there i was. it kinda sucked a little, i'm not gonna lie cuz well... you're idea of a good evening probably isn't sitting with your boyfriend while he thinks about his ex girlfriend that you're pretty sure he still kinda loves. haha. so... yea. just kinda weird i guess.
but i tried to relate it to myself. i mean, i still talk to guys i dated and i would be mad if he didn't trust me with that so i ahve to give him the benefit of the doubt. and then, i was talking to meg about this ...
i remember a year or so ago i came across all my pictures of me and steve. i had sorta pushed him out of my life because, well you know why. it was really really hard. since timmy and ben have always been friends i was always stuck running into steve and it was really hard. and to this day i am fond of him, i always will be. he was my "first love" so it's not like i'm just going to forget him. but anyways, when i came acorss those pictures for the first time in a long time i just wanted the chance to sit and think about those memories, because despite the whole, kissing the other girl in front of me after lying about it, it was lots of building a relationship and learning and good times before that. i wanted to remember those times and not the bad one. i would be real mad if someone tried to tell me i wasn't allowed to think about that now. real mad. (granted, i don't talk to steve anymore either, but i have talked to jill recently and my mom had talked to his mom once not too long ago and she is always filling me in on what he is up to and i am always curious to know) ... but i had to think about that.
because it's kinda hard to see your boyfriend looking at pictures of him and his ex (who is absolutely gorgeous, of course) and thinking about her that way.
and i think it's hard because i'm not really sure where justin stands in our relationship right now. we're still kinda walking along on the "let's see what happens" line and it's getting harder and harder for me to do. i am totally falling for this boy and he has really stolen my heart.
i know that now even more because though it kinda hurt to have to sit there for that, i realized that i can relate to it and that i wouldn't even intend on getting back together with steve. (or even say someone like dave koltai - never ever EVER going to happen but i will always want to know how he's doing, and that wasn't even a relationship of any sort but a friendship). i can totally see where he is coming from.
i guess it was just a big moment for me in realizing how much i really do care about justin.
enough that ... i don't care about that. i just want him to be happy. and i don't want him to ever feel like he can't look at something or remember things just on account of me.
i don't know if any of this is making sense anymore cuz i am jumping all over the place.
but the point is, it wasn't a "falling for you" moment. it was a genuine, "i trust you" moment.
i can't remember the last time i had one of those.
years maybe.
and it feels good to trust someone that much and to care about someone THAT much.
so, in essence, it has turned into a "falling for you" moment.
but i am still unsure of where he stands, like i said.
after he gave me that ring i thought for sure he was feeling something more than "i kinda care about you."
but i refuse to risk jumping to any conclusions, for my own good.
life is so confusing.
i need a new topic.
like how much i hate school.
well not really.
i was so excited to have the chance to sound design for this show only i haven't had two seconds to work on it because i have been so busy with school and rotc stuff and everything else i need to do. so now its the week of the show and i am not ready, and i don't have the time to make it ready. and i keep hearig different things or being told things at the very last second. but i have too many classes and prior obligatinos that i can't get out of to have things ready that fast.
it is really frustrating.
and the STX RT this weekend. i am going to suck it up and do it. and i am going to hope and PRAY that my knee can make it through.
i need to get better.
i need to go to LDAC this summer. i am going to seriously cry if i can't.
but i am stressed over the STX RT because it is going to be the first time i do a STX lane really. besides these things in lab. i don't even think i ran a STX lane at LTC. or if i did it didn't really count because LT Graham was always right there helping me since i didn't even know the battle drills, let alone what to do on a STX lane.
this is gonna kinda suck a little.
but at least i am FINALLY getting a little more practice.
i wonder if i should ask SGT O to get me some polypro...
so... next weekend justin will be gone and i need something to do friday night.
there is a really good play in buffalo. maybe?
but if not i just miss carrie and rach and elise and ash and everyone... maybe we can do something? maybe?
oh!!
how could i forget?
justin and i are trying this diet thing that his mom got from his grandma. it is INSANE. and i am starving. but supposedly you can lose quite a few pounds and you only do it for 3 days and 2 days off (and then keep going if you want i guess). something like 8 to 11 pounds or so his mom and grandparents lost on it for a week. crazy!! so we are trying it and i am starving. STARVING. argh. haha.
we started it yesterday so i'll let you know thursday if it worked or not.
anyways... i need to go shower and then head off to colorguard and then pre STX talk stuff and then MIl Sci and then Scene Painting and then i need to meet with Tabitha for my evaluation (which may or may not suck cuz i wrote a really crappy yellow card for this rotation of our leadership stuff for ROTC ... hopefully not bad).
and, btw ... i have my dress for the mil ball. i found it. it is absolutely GORGEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.
justin even paid for it for me cuz i didn't have money for it.
just you wait.
it is soooo wonderful.
alright.
time for the rest of the day.
peace out.
hehe.
:)