Ocean Fever
Yamashita Tomohisa/Kamenashi Kazuya
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Ocean Fever
(Johnny's Entertainment; Yamashita Tomohisa/Kamenashi Kazuya)
Tropical Arctic | From Nakamaru's Point of View
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"You're retiring this year?" Yamashita finally asks, after every single document is signed and Kamenashi's group is set for an entire year of life-threatening missions.
"Yeah," Kamenashi nods in reply.
They're in the NEWS resting room, though no other NEWS member is in sight. They know better than to disturb their leader's precious time with his lover, though none of them would ever admit it. It's not exactly a secret, but it's better that no one acknowledges a relationship within the agency. There's no point, as they end in either death or departure.
Yamashita leans back towards the sofa and closes his eyes as he says, "Wait for me."
Kamenashi looks at the other in surprise, but Yamashita refuses eye contact by having his eyes closed. This is cheating in Kamenashi's mind, because everyone knows Kamenashi's not good at talking when it comes to private matters.
"We're not supposed to hang onto this point of our lives once we leave," he finally answers, as truthful as he could allow.
The agency determines their retirement dates by the oldest group members. In KAT-TUN, that would be Nakamaru Yuuichi, reaching thirty this year and guaranteeing KAT-TUN's finish. In NEWS, the oldest member is Nishikido Ryo, set to reach the retirement age next year.
A lot could happen in an entire year. And things are always different outside the agency - different laws, some harsher and some looser; different social rules, most definitely having a tighter grip.
Leaving also means freedom, though it's a freedom with a price. The agency sets a retirement to assure the best performance from them, but in order to keep them from sputtering secrets around, they're going to be monitored for at least five years, or until the agency changes its inner arrangements again.
"Wait for me anyway," Yamashita repeats, and Kamenashi turns around to leave.
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Tanaka never asks him anything, but it's always seemed like he's the one that understands Kamenashi. Maybe it's because in front of Tanaka, there's no need to pretend at all, and Kamenashi can act as childish as he wants to, as he really is.
Tanaka would be a good father someday.
Watching Tanaka work is relaxing. Tanaka's the only one of them blending in the outside world - he's among the police ranks, acting as an inside extension of their information web while also doing private investigating on the side. Though his motions are constantly recorded on film and sent to Kamenashi for analyzing, it's still an easy-going (but not necessarily easy) task.
Kamenashi wonders if Tanaka would keep his odd jobs once his service at the agency is over. Probably not, since every graduate from the agency has shown the tendancy to throw their past away as far as possible and try to forget about the things they did.
While the others in KAT-TUN usually knows about their jobs only at the moment they receive the assignments, Tanaka's the one that gets news about them beforehand. He might not know which ones will be sent KAT-TUN's way, but at least there's a chance that he may find out about it, and Kamenashi's calculating every probability there is.
"Here's this week's," Tanaka holds out the compact disk of the week, the one imprinted with everything he could get his hands onto this week.
Kamenashi raised the corner of his lips a little, but couldn't quite manage a smile. It's too hard to smile these days, he thinks as he deposits the CD into his bag. "Anything worthy in this?"
"I couldn't find anything that might grow big," Tanaka answers, leaning against the wall as he lights up a cigarette, "but maybe you'd be able to find something."
Kamenashi shrugs, "Maybe."
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The moment he enters Ueda's room of wires and electronic devices, Ueda says without even looking up, "You and Yamashita. You're in the files."
"Of course we are-"
"No," Ueda cuts him off, "you two, you're in the files. Together. As an unit."
Kamenashi sighs, "We've worked as a special unit before, you all know about that particular incident," and he stops there, because it's something that shouldn't be reviewed, it's long over but it'd always be a sensitive subject around his teammates.
"Not that," Ueda repeats again, and all of a sudden Kamenashi understands.
Of course the agency knows about them. They know everything about those under them. But, writing this into the files, isn't this too much? There's no point, they're just seeking comfort where they can find them, naturally they can only go to each other, why would the agency pay extra attention to them?
"You two, you're both the top at the agency," Ueda continues, "they're not risking losing you. Especially since we're set to retire this year, and Yamashita next year."
If it were anyone else, Kamenashi would have scoffed at the idea. But this is Ueda, and while Ueda doesn't give his opinions often, they're always frighteningly accurate. The agency had wanted Ueda as a diver, someone that goes deep into enemy territory, because of his ability to make quick decisions.
But Ueda has one major flaw, and it saved him from the fate of being sent down to the depths. Despite his usual calm appearance, Ueda's keen on being rash and reckless when provoked. In the end, the agency settled for allowing Ueda to polish his computer skills, and Ueda became KAT-TUN's resident hacker.
"How far can you dive into the agency without being detected?"
Ueda finally looked up at him, but his expression remained restricted, "Further than they think."
Kamenashi delivers the rest of the paperwork the agency required him to send, and added a sheet of notes he wrote himself. It's simple - find all you can, especially the dangerous jobs; save them all on disk, and hand them to me.
Before leaving, Kamenashi added one last comment, "You're inviting Nakamaru to the shooting ranch rather often lately."
Ueda's back to staring at one of the many computer monitors in the room, his back appearing smaller than the guy actually is. Maybe being a computer expert isn't what fits Ueda best after all, but Kamenashi doesn't dare to put a say to this.
"He needs the practice."
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Kamenashi is the makeshift leader of their group. He's the one that organizes the team, assigns individual jobs (though all of them goes through the agency for confirmation), and unites everyone's work to complete a mission. But unlike Yamashita, Kamenashi can never be named the official leader, the reasons obvious.
He lacks the required leadership qualities, and the others in KAT-TUN would never accept him as an official leader. They listen to him, they trust him when making team decisions, but when it comes to the team's emotional status, Kamenashi can't understand the others well enough to lead.
Nakamaru, on the other hand, cares more about KAT-TUN than anyone. Maybe that's why everyone's a little protective when it comes to him - if they don't pay some attention to him, Nakamaru's the kind of person that would give it his all while receiving nothing in return.
Still, it's difficult, particularly since Nakamaru's the bomber, the bait, the one they sent headfirst into missions rarely with any backup.
Kamenashi tried his best. That's what he keeps telling himself anyway, mostly to make himself feel better. There's always something that's worth checking, something he might have missed that could possibly save Nakamaru's life - but it's too late, and the assignments are out.
"They're not giving you backup...they're basically sacrificing you," he tells Nakamaru, and hopes it doesn't sound like Kamenashi's the one killing him.
Then again, there's no way Nakamaru would ever think like that. The fact only makes Kamenashi feel guiltier.
"It's what I've always known," the guy smiles genuinely at him, "and you've tried your best."
Personally, Kamenashi's always viewed Nakamaru as their emotional support. Back when he was just getting together with Yamashita, Nakamaru was the first to stand firmly beside him on his decision. When KAT-TUN was sent into chaos with messed up signals from the agency, Nakamaru was the one that soothed them all by his soft presence.
It's their final assignment, their last mission before their retirement, and Nakamaru doesn't mind being the sacrifice. The whole thing's just so wrong, completely wrong that it's so disgusting Kamenashi can't even begin to describe it.
"Don't throw your chance of happiness," Nakamaru says before closing the door, his eyes drifting between the keys in his hand and Kamenashi, "with Yamashita-kun."
Is Yamashita his happiness? Kamenashi doesn't know how he'd ever know, doesn't know if he'd be able to wait an entire year outside the agency to find out. There are names for people that get together with the same gender outside, insults just for things like this, and Kamenashi's not sure if he'd be able to cope.
Did Nakamaru ever find someone to comfort him, instead of the other way around? He's close to Ueda these days, but all he's seen them do is practice at the shooting ranch and going for lunch. Nakamaru's always been friends with Tanaka, but they don't meet often because of Tanaka's position. Perhaps Taguchi would be a good match, but they're not close enough for anything to happen. As for Akanishi...the guy's too silent these days, and no one knows what he's thinking.
Something about this feels tragic. Though they have each other, and some others in the agency, they're bound to be lonely. Even outside, they'd always be different, with blood and sulphur on their hands and deep into their bones. Worse yet, they've learned to push kindness away, and Kamenashi doesn't know if he'd be able to reawaken it.
Nakamaru's, on the other hand, too kind to survive alone. He'd die for sure if they don't think of something soon.
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In their six member team, Taguchi's the only one equipped with hand to hand combat skills. They all know a little about self defense, but only Taguchi's good enough at it to effectively protect himself while going on the offense. And also because Taguchi doesn't have any other specialty, he's the one that goes into enemy territory right after Nakamaru.
It's entirely different, though. Taguchi goes out to steal hardware, to take away physical evidence or disarm launched missiles - he sneaks in, goes through the walls unseen and unheard. In other words, his job is much safer than Nakamaru's.
"Is it possible if...if you pick up Nakamaru on the way out?" Kamenashi asks, slipping Taguchi's set of fighting knives back into their slots.
Taguchi smiles his usual smile, but there's no laughter in the expression, "You know my escape route, Kame."
The front door will be destroyed by Nakamaru's bombs then, the dynamite enough to blow away at least the entirety of the first floor. Nakamaru would be on the second floor by then, opening the route to the top floor while putting himself in clear shot. Taguchi would be inside, using Nakamaru as distraction and also giving Akanishi an easy shot.
The plan's as perfect as Kamenashi can make it, except that Nakamaru's still in a deadly position and there's nothing they can do.
Asking Taguchi to turn around and attempt to save Nakamaru would be asking Taguchi to jump into death. Unless Kamenashi's willing to do the same, it's not fair to ask the guy this much. What they want is for everyone in KAT-TUN to survive their last mission; their lives are of equal worth, and Kamenashi can't put someone in more danger than needed.
"Make your knives dance for me, Taguchi?"
The request is simple enough, but the 'one last time' at the end of the sentence is erased. Whether the outcome, this would be the last time Kamenashi gets to watch Taguchi practice, just as it's the last time he has to witness another game of death and slaughter.
Taguchi lets his eyes wander across the rows of knives, and picks one he'd be leaving behind. It's the one nicknamed 'K', and Kamenashi reflects on the day that knife was named as he watches Taguchi move swiftly across the room.
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When Akanishi walks into his room, Kamenashi's eyes widened in surprise. They were friends long ago, so very long ago when they weren't taking missions yet, but things have changed since then and Kamenashi rarely interacts with the other. Never outside of the assignments.
Being a sniper has changed Akanishi, distanced him from Kamenashi in ways neither of them can prevent. Maybe neither of them had wanted to, but Kamenashi prefers not to think about it.
"I need another transmitter," Akanishi demands, straight out of the blue.
Kamenashi flinches a little under Akanishi's stare. The guy has eyes like a hawk, like a predator - sharp, angry, hungry. Years of looking at the targets has changed Akanishi's gaze, making him alien to Kamenashi.
Being a sniper has all kinds of privileges. For one, the agency takes extra care of those behind the rifles, for those with honed talents don't come often. For another, well, a sniper is always far behind the scene anyway, shooting from a concealed location, away from the naked eye.
Even when the deaths pile on, the ones behind the guns don't feel it. They don't see the writhing bodies, they don't watch as their enemy collapse and twist to their end. It's made Akanishi cold to sympathy and compassion; because, to Akanishi, death is easy, too easy.
"The preparations are all set, there's no way they'd-" Kamenashi starts, but was stopped by Akanishi's threatening stare and impatiently waved hand.
"Just sent in the application!" the other shouts, startling Kamenashi.
For a second, Kamenashi thought he saw tiredness in Akanishi. Though they're not in contact, Kamenashi's known Akanishi for years, and Akanishi's not one easily irritated. Akanishi's frantic about something, Kamenashi concludes, and begins to ask, "Why do you need another-" but was stopped again.
"-Just do it!" the guy shouts, before slamming Kamenashi's door behind him. Kamenashi doesn't put a grudge on the guy, though - something's clearly bothering Akanishi, and that's what angered the guy. Instead, he files in the application, knowing it'd be rejected a few minutes later.
...Except it wasn't, and ten minutes later Kamenashi is in the KAT-TUN common room handing the transmitter to Akanishi. No one says anything, but the sudden addition to their equipment clearly surprised all the others.
Not Akanishi. Akanishi looks as though he expected it, taking the transmitter with ease and fitting it into his pocket. The guy's up to something, no idea what, but Kamenashi understands a little why Akanishi's so certain the application would be accepted when he looked the other way and saw Ueda's mysterious smile.
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The transmitter starts sending signals near the end of the mission, but it's from the wrong direction and dear gods it's coming from Nakamaru's position. The codes are wrong too, instead of help signals they're information patterns and what the hell happened?
It doesn't take long before the facts sink in, and Kamenashi realized that Akanishi had maybe saved Nakamaru's life. Because of privacy and safety matters, the agency would have to sent in someone to get Nakamaru - or at least the transmitter on him - out, thus giving Nakamaru at least a chance of survival.
Who would have ever thought that Akanishi would be the one saving Nakamaru's life? Hell, who knew Akanishi even cared? The guy doesn't seem to show emotions anymore.
"Nakamaru's in the med ward," he announced to the others, their expressions lighting up with it.
It's hard to believe, but it's true, and all that's left is for Nakamaru to wake up. It seems like the chances are high as well, as Nakamaru fell before he could be hit in vital spots and is, therefore, mostly unharmed apart from blood loss.
There's even a smile on Akanishi.
They won't be receiving the pay for this last mission, as this was considered a failure despite the successful assassination. But if there's anything good at all about working at the agency, it's the fact that their pay's always alarmingly high and though their retirement age is thirty, none of them would ever have to work ever again. Missing a single pay doesn't matter, not if their teammate's life was saved.
Ueda volunteered to stay at the ward, the rest following until they came up with different shifts until Nakamaru wakes up. For some reason, Akanishi refused to join in - the guy insists on staying inside the ward whether there's anyone else there or not, and the other four members of KAT-TUN gave no protest.
Kamenashi wonders a little about Akanishi's recent outbursts, but decides that it's none of his business. Walking back to his own room, he thinks about their future, about himself, and what he'd do once he's free.
Entering the room, a figure's already sitting on the bed, the person none other than Yamashita. Kamenashi felt weak all of a sudden, and practically collapses onto the chair across the guy.
"What do you want?"
"You do know my entire team was sent to save that guy in your team, right?" Yamashita says, avoiding the question at hand.
Kamenashi blinks. They never to get to the point, anyway. They're both not the talking type, and whatever they say seems to jump around the actual problem. What Kamenashi wants is human contact - as silly as it sounds, he wants to hug Yamashita, wants to feel the other's heat around him.
Which is exactly what he does. Yamashita doesn't push away, and they tangle against each other.
After they're both calm enough to talk, Yamashita finally says, "I came to say goodbye."
They both love the ocean. It's stupid, but it's what connected them in the first place, and maybe it'd be enough to connect them again someday in the future. Kamenashi doesn't know about romance and love, but he knows about the beauties of the ocean he once saw and would be seeing soon.
"I'd be in Guam for a year," he replies, this time with certainty, "then, I'd be in Hawaii."
He doesn't continue, but the meaning is clear enough. I'd be waiting for you in Hawaii - Kamenashi repeats in his mind, carves it into his heart - so please, come to me when the time comes.
"I'd be there."