(no subject)
i don't know why i am putting all this unnecessary pressure on myself. i was trying to redeem myself, silly me. i felt like after i left IB that i had failed. so, i tried to take AP calculus. i could do it. i could teach myself...but why? why when i can just take it in summer school at panam? i am dropping the class.
i am going to do things i really want to do. i am going to continue taking biology and english AP...because i'm good at those things and i can teach myself. but calculus will just be something i can tackle later. there is always time.
i want to level my undead warlock and my mage. i want to go out with friends. i want to learn how to play guitar. i want to start playing piano again.
plan II has accepted me. i got into usc. i am already happy, and i know i will love UT. so, i sent in my deposit. i need to take these coming months and sleep, relax, and find myself again. these past years i have done a lot of damage to myself...i've taken so many difficult classes to make myself feel like i am worth something. i've done them successfully. now, it's time to enjoy. time to smell the roses.
everytime i post an entry, i look back and read it. i trace my thoughts thinking that i could find myself in those words. i am going to stop being so desperate for love and overthinking things. all will come.
i am going to do things i really want to do. i am going to continue taking biology and english AP...because i'm good at those things and i can teach myself. but calculus will just be something i can tackle later. there is always time.
i want to level my undead warlock and my mage. i want to go out with friends. i want to learn how to play guitar. i want to start playing piano again.
plan II has accepted me. i got into usc. i am already happy, and i know i will love UT. so, i sent in my deposit. i need to take these coming months and sleep, relax, and find myself again. these past years i have done a lot of damage to myself...i've taken so many difficult classes to make myself feel like i am worth something. i've done them successfully. now, it's time to enjoy. time to smell the roses.
everytime i post an entry, i look back and read it. i trace my thoughts thinking that i could find myself in those words. i am going to stop being so desperate for love and overthinking things. all will come.