what lay beside me in the wheat fields.
Hey guys! I'd like feedback for this. It's just a short ...thing I wrote for org application which I haven't told mum about ROFL. And if you don't mind, suggest a few titles. =3=
Oh, and tell me if this would make more impact in present or past tense. Thanks! :D
- - - -
Marcus and Drew alight from the jeepney and cross into the quiet streets of San Antonio Village, Makati. It's four in the afternoon and the heat of March rises from the roads like steam from kitchens preparing dinner for tonight.
Today is the last day of high school. Tomorrow they will rest and on Sunday they will graduate.
Marcus suddenly feels a lot older than he should and Drew is thrilled and scared at the same time. Unreadable expressions grace their faces. They bypass a tricycle terminal, opting to head to their separate homes by foot. It buys more time.
"Ah, how's your application for Canada?" Marcus asks, hoping his voice sounds light and conversational. A weight in his stomach pulls down the smile he tries to place on his face.
"Hah? Ah! Yeah. Our Visas are already approved," Drew replies. "You? Are you dorming when you get to UP?"
Marcus shakes his head. "Mom doesn't like. She says I just go home everyday to Bulacan. After all, there's MRT."
They step over a road hump and walk slowly on the broken sidewalk. Water stations, laundromats, small eateries and residences move past them. Dogs barking underneath gates and sizzles of garlic being sautéed seem to stir the village into afternoon waking. A stray cat they had christened Tammy brushes against their legs and the boys laugh and pet her. After a short chase, she jumps high out their reach and they resume their walk home in pregnant silence.
"Kiko," Drew begins quietly. "We're going far away," he says evenly, as if testing whether voicing the fact would collapse the world around them or not. "Will we be writing to each other?"
Marcus keeps quiet.
The streets stretch empty and white ahead. Garage gates loom above them. The air is still and the only sounds that break the silence are the slow hiss of vapor escaping concrete and jeeps roaring far away.
"Drew, may...may I hold your hand?" Marcus' request is barely audible, but Drew nods.
Their fingers touch with brief fire before sliding into a more comfortable grasp. As their feet take them closer to that fork in the road, their hands clasp tighter and it hurts. Marcus doesn't know who's clinging to who or who's trying desperately to mold their flesh into one.
They stop walking several feet before the gutter. Drew musters the courage to meet his friend's face.
"So, I'll be going," he gestures left.
"Okay, goodbye." Marcus turns right.
Their joined hands are the last to part and with each step they take toward their destinations, something raw, foreign and monstrous viciously eats away at their insides.
END
Boom de yadda boom de yadda~
Oh, and tell me if this would make more impact in present or past tense. Thanks! :D
- - - -
Marcus and Drew alight from the jeepney and cross into the quiet streets of San Antonio Village, Makati. It's four in the afternoon and the heat of March rises from the roads like steam from kitchens preparing dinner for tonight.
Today is the last day of high school. Tomorrow they will rest and on Sunday they will graduate.
Marcus suddenly feels a lot older than he should and Drew is thrilled and scared at the same time. Unreadable expressions grace their faces. They bypass a tricycle terminal, opting to head to their separate homes by foot. It buys more time.
"Ah, how's your application for Canada?" Marcus asks, hoping his voice sounds light and conversational. A weight in his stomach pulls down the smile he tries to place on his face.
"Hah? Ah! Yeah. Our Visas are already approved," Drew replies. "You? Are you dorming when you get to UP?"
Marcus shakes his head. "Mom doesn't like. She says I just go home everyday to Bulacan. After all, there's MRT."
They step over a road hump and walk slowly on the broken sidewalk. Water stations, laundromats, small eateries and residences move past them. Dogs barking underneath gates and sizzles of garlic being sautéed seem to stir the village into afternoon waking. A stray cat they had christened Tammy brushes against their legs and the boys laugh and pet her. After a short chase, she jumps high out their reach and they resume their walk home in pregnant silence.
"Kiko," Drew begins quietly. "We're going far away," he says evenly, as if testing whether voicing the fact would collapse the world around them or not. "Will we be writing to each other?"
Marcus keeps quiet.
The streets stretch empty and white ahead. Garage gates loom above them. The air is still and the only sounds that break the silence are the slow hiss of vapor escaping concrete and jeeps roaring far away.
"Drew, may...may I hold your hand?" Marcus' request is barely audible, but Drew nods.
Their fingers touch with brief fire before sliding into a more comfortable grasp. As their feet take them closer to that fork in the road, their hands clasp tighter and it hurts. Marcus doesn't know who's clinging to who or who's trying desperately to mold their flesh into one.
They stop walking several feet before the gutter. Drew musters the courage to meet his friend's face.
"So, I'll be going," he gestures left.
"Okay, goodbye." Marcus turns right.
Their joined hands are the last to part and with each step they take toward their destinations, something raw, foreign and monstrous viciously eats away at their insides.
END
Boom de yadda boom de yadda~