A rant
Don't read this if you're feeling fragile or stressed out. Go read something else.
So I just got asked to donate to a documentary about FGM (look it up)...in the US. That's right, apparently there are thousands of wives and daughters of immigrant families that this still happens to, either here in the US or when they're taken back "home" on "vacation". Let alone what's still happening in these countries of origin. When I was at Salt Lake Comic Con, I peeked into a panel, out of morbid curiosity, to find out that human trafficking is a huge business in Utah - women and children being sold as sex slaves, or for slave labor, deported out of the country, etc., etc. Where I live. I attended my mission reunion last night - and don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went, and had some great times visiting with people I hadn't seen in a decade or more - to see the formerly tall, robust, barrel-chested, deep-voiced, iron-gripped man I knew reduced to a ruin, an unrecognizable shrunken wreck with a paper-thin skin and voice, that basically couldn't wait until cancer destroyed his heart (which he anticipated would be soon) and sent him home to be with his recently departed wife. I can't help but think, should I pray to live as long as he did? Or not nearly so long? Is it a blessing that this man still has his wits about him (he remembered me! 25 years later!) or a curse in this situation? How will I look and feel before the end? And how soon will that come? A woman I attended high school with, younger than me, who's as close to a saint as anyone I'll ever meet, apparently is losing her battle with cancer. How is this even possible? It certainly doesn't seem at all fair. Oh, and we've had another school shooting, and I'm surrounded, once again, by people who are telling me that things like this aren't as bad as the media is making them sound, so we definitely shouldn't change any laws or anything crazy like that. And speaking of schools, my brother and all the other teachers in my family and among my friends continue to be treated like garbage, working 2nd jobs just to avoid poverty-level conditions, with benefits that are a total joke, and no change to this scenario in sight - in fact, it'll probably get worse. My parents and siblings, for whom I moved here to spend time with, barely see me at all - once a week, if I'm lucky, though I live within walking distance of most of them. How much time do I have left with my parents, and how much will I continue to throw away in my attempt to be financially stable? A close friend of mine is seriously suicidal, and I didn't even know it for weeks because I never talk to them. Who knows if they'd even be able to get ahold of me if they were feeling particularly depressed? I can't get a drawing done that was already paid for by a dear friend (who tries to help kids all over the world, who have REAL problems that make my complaints seem pathetic) for her dying brother, because I'm so disorganized and bad at time management, that I have to do multiple all-nighters just to make my work deadlines. The coral reefs are getting bleached. The water and sea life are all getting poisoned. Idiots want to drive ATV's into areas with important archeological finds and the local politicians are treating them like mistreated heroes. Global warming looms ever larger like a specter that, again, most of the people around me think is all a big lie. War, famine, torture, slavery, murder, rape, horrific diseases, all running rampant. Sea world still breeds orcas in captivity to be clowns and we all cheer on. And, oh yeah, my hopes of changing the world in regard to how animals are treated are completely impossible. I can't even get my family and friends to stop eating meat - how can I influence anyone else? The world isn't going to hell, for so many people, it IS hell. Maybe this is why I find myself barely even caring about Halloween or my birthday or my anniversary or upcoming movies or anything else that should be great in my life. I just can't take it anymore. And yet I feel completely powerless to do anything about anything.
Or maybe I just need more sleep and everything will feel fine again when I get out of this work crunch.
So I just got asked to donate to a documentary about FGM (look it up)...in the US. That's right, apparently there are thousands of wives and daughters of immigrant families that this still happens to, either here in the US or when they're taken back "home" on "vacation". Let alone what's still happening in these countries of origin. When I was at Salt Lake Comic Con, I peeked into a panel, out of morbid curiosity, to find out that human trafficking is a huge business in Utah - women and children being sold as sex slaves, or for slave labor, deported out of the country, etc., etc. Where I live. I attended my mission reunion last night - and don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went, and had some great times visiting with people I hadn't seen in a decade or more - to see the formerly tall, robust, barrel-chested, deep-voiced, iron-gripped man I knew reduced to a ruin, an unrecognizable shrunken wreck with a paper-thin skin and voice, that basically couldn't wait until cancer destroyed his heart (which he anticipated would be soon) and sent him home to be with his recently departed wife. I can't help but think, should I pray to live as long as he did? Or not nearly so long? Is it a blessing that this man still has his wits about him (he remembered me! 25 years later!) or a curse in this situation? How will I look and feel before the end? And how soon will that come? A woman I attended high school with, younger than me, who's as close to a saint as anyone I'll ever meet, apparently is losing her battle with cancer. How is this even possible? It certainly doesn't seem at all fair. Oh, and we've had another school shooting, and I'm surrounded, once again, by people who are telling me that things like this aren't as bad as the media is making them sound, so we definitely shouldn't change any laws or anything crazy like that. And speaking of schools, my brother and all the other teachers in my family and among my friends continue to be treated like garbage, working 2nd jobs just to avoid poverty-level conditions, with benefits that are a total joke, and no change to this scenario in sight - in fact, it'll probably get worse. My parents and siblings, for whom I moved here to spend time with, barely see me at all - once a week, if I'm lucky, though I live within walking distance of most of them. How much time do I have left with my parents, and how much will I continue to throw away in my attempt to be financially stable? A close friend of mine is seriously suicidal, and I didn't even know it for weeks because I never talk to them. Who knows if they'd even be able to get ahold of me if they were feeling particularly depressed? I can't get a drawing done that was already paid for by a dear friend (who tries to help kids all over the world, who have REAL problems that make my complaints seem pathetic) for her dying brother, because I'm so disorganized and bad at time management, that I have to do multiple all-nighters just to make my work deadlines. The coral reefs are getting bleached. The water and sea life are all getting poisoned. Idiots want to drive ATV's into areas with important archeological finds and the local politicians are treating them like mistreated heroes. Global warming looms ever larger like a specter that, again, most of the people around me think is all a big lie. War, famine, torture, slavery, murder, rape, horrific diseases, all running rampant. Sea world still breeds orcas in captivity to be clowns and we all cheer on. And, oh yeah, my hopes of changing the world in regard to how animals are treated are completely impossible. I can't even get my family and friends to stop eating meat - how can I influence anyone else? The world isn't going to hell, for so many people, it IS hell. Maybe this is why I find myself barely even caring about Halloween or my birthday or my anniversary or upcoming movies or anything else that should be great in my life. I just can't take it anymore. And yet I feel completely powerless to do anything about anything.
Or maybe I just need more sleep and everything will feel fine again when I get out of this work crunch.