"Can you feel it beating, my hearts sinking like a wave..."
I have been weird lately. I have been listening to a lot of music, especially yellowcard, and thinking about things I normally try to avoid... like my mom. It is soo weird... I hate her so much for everything she did to me, but I sometimes just wish that she would make an effort to be a mom so that I could actually feel like I have one... so yeah, for some reason, these lines just stuck in my head today...
"Does it hurt when you think about me, and how broken my heart is"
"It's OK to be angry and never let go/it only gets harder the more that you know/when you get lonely if no one's around/you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down"
Anyways... lets see what has been going on...Finals are officially next week, even though spanish starts tomarrow. Work is good, but between that, college class, and other such commitments, I am like never home. Maybe an hour in the aftrnoon and that is it. Luckily, next week I only work 1 day, so that will be nice. So, I am exhausted, under-rested, and I am yet to receive a pay check... shittay. I miss my friends, I feel like I never see them. It sucks... I am always like the first to leave cuz I have to be home so fucking early. My parents really need to lighten up on this 11pm curfew on weekends! SOOO GYOT!!! This 9th grader at my work keeps hitting on me and its funny. Now he is like wanting me to drive him home after school and stuff and I just kinda think "...Yeah buddy, ive been 'driven home' before too". But, the kids there are soo cute, like all the little, not annoying ones. I like my work... I just wish I had more hours. On a happier note... WHOOP WHOOP! for my board bonding on Sunday! I cant wait!
I miss Rodney... I feel like I never see him. Like I want to chill with him but all we ever end up doing is sitting at his house while he takes 1294 hours to get ready, and another 9485023 hours to sign offline. But I really do miss him, and I dont want him to go to Alabama for a week cuz then i cant talk to him. ::Tear::
Ben and I are really chill, like we tell each other stuff that we dont tell other people really, and I love it. Like, the last thing in the world I want is to lose him, and I like the fact that he is someone I can tell absolutely anything to and he wont think anything differently of me, or lose respect for me because of things I say or do like some of my other friends said they would, or have.
Stephanie is moving back home!!! YAY!!! I miss her sooooo much! I am soo glad she is coming back to Cali. I cant wait to go see her this weekend!!! WAAAAHOOOOO!
I am totally exhausted and I think I am actually going to go to sleeo at a decent time tonight. WHOO WHOO!
"There's a piece of you that's here with me/It's everywhere I go/its everything I see/when I sleep I dream and it gets me by/and I can make believe that your here tonight...We're looking up at the same night sky/we keep pretending the sun will not rise/we'll be together for one more night/somewhere, somehow"
and btw, DANA THIS IS NOT NOT NOT GOING TOWARDS ANYONE!!! I don't know what I want as far as boys go, like if I want a hook up or what. I dont think I do, but for some unexplicable reason, this still makes perfect sense to me.
So yeah, nothing is really clear to me right now, and I am just really confused, and I hate it, and I am sorry if I am really stressed and snap at any of you! I guess that because of my mom I have these feelings like I am not good enough, and it is just really taking a toll on me right now. I dont understand how someone can hurt me so much, and still have me care about them. A few people in my life are like that. I don't feel happy, it is like I am in this downward spiral that leads to this depression... hence the subject... "Can you feel it beating, my heart is sinking like a wave"
So, yeah, that is all, good night!
<3 Melissa <3
"I guess its called a falling out, but every day Im learning how to make it through this life I'm in"
"Does it hurt when you think about me, and how broken my heart is"
"It's OK to be angry and never let go/it only gets harder the more that you know/when you get lonely if no one's around/you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down"
Anyways... lets see what has been going on...Finals are officially next week, even though spanish starts tomarrow. Work is good, but between that, college class, and other such commitments, I am like never home. Maybe an hour in the aftrnoon and that is it. Luckily, next week I only work 1 day, so that will be nice. So, I am exhausted, under-rested, and I am yet to receive a pay check... shittay. I miss my friends, I feel like I never see them. It sucks... I am always like the first to leave cuz I have to be home so fucking early. My parents really need to lighten up on this 11pm curfew on weekends! SOOO GYOT!!! This 9th grader at my work keeps hitting on me and its funny. Now he is like wanting me to drive him home after school and stuff and I just kinda think "...Yeah buddy, ive been 'driven home' before too". But, the kids there are soo cute, like all the little, not annoying ones. I like my work... I just wish I had more hours. On a happier note... WHOOP WHOOP! for my board bonding on Sunday! I cant wait!
I miss Rodney... I feel like I never see him. Like I want to chill with him but all we ever end up doing is sitting at his house while he takes 1294 hours to get ready, and another 9485023 hours to sign offline. But I really do miss him, and I dont want him to go to Alabama for a week cuz then i cant talk to him. ::Tear::
Ben and I are really chill, like we tell each other stuff that we dont tell other people really, and I love it. Like, the last thing in the world I want is to lose him, and I like the fact that he is someone I can tell absolutely anything to and he wont think anything differently of me, or lose respect for me because of things I say or do like some of my other friends said they would, or have.
Stephanie is moving back home!!! YAY!!! I miss her sooooo much! I am soo glad she is coming back to Cali. I cant wait to go see her this weekend!!! WAAAAHOOOOO!
I am totally exhausted and I think I am actually going to go to sleeo at a decent time tonight. WHOO WHOO!
"There's a piece of you that's here with me/It's everywhere I go/its everything I see/when I sleep I dream and it gets me by/and I can make believe that your here tonight...We're looking up at the same night sky/we keep pretending the sun will not rise/we'll be together for one more night/somewhere, somehow"
and btw, DANA THIS IS NOT NOT NOT GOING TOWARDS ANYONE!!! I don't know what I want as far as boys go, like if I want a hook up or what. I dont think I do, but for some unexplicable reason, this still makes perfect sense to me.
So yeah, nothing is really clear to me right now, and I am just really confused, and I hate it, and I am sorry if I am really stressed and snap at any of you! I guess that because of my mom I have these feelings like I am not good enough, and it is just really taking a toll on me right now. I dont understand how someone can hurt me so much, and still have me care about them. A few people in my life are like that. I don't feel happy, it is like I am in this downward spiral that leads to this depression... hence the subject... "Can you feel it beating, my heart is sinking like a wave"
So, yeah, that is all, good night!
<3 Melissa <3
"I guess its called a falling out, but every day Im learning how to make it through this life I'm in"