Horribly Familiar 3/4
anonymous
August 15 2012, 04:09:46 UTC
“That’s why I couldn’t stay in L.A. anymore,” said Horrible, “I realized everything I had there-Hammer, the League, my blog-just wasn’t worth it anymore, just couldn’t compare to what I used to have here. I mean Hammer was great and all with the superpowers and stuff, but he had no class, no style. He didn’t even wear a hat. He never knew this, but…” Heinz saw the other evil doctor blush a bit. “Sometimes, when he was beating me up, I’d pretend I was back in Danville fighting you again.”
There it was. In the midst of the speech Heinz began to suspect it and now his suspicions were confirmed: This man, this jerk in his pretentious red lab coat, was Perry’s ex-nemesis. He couldn’t believe it.
Well, of course he could believe it; after all, he’d always known Perry the Platypus had been an O.W.C.A. member much longer than he’d been assigned to Doofenshmirtz, but this strangeness, actually seeing a different evil scientist storming in with his “Freeze Ray” and reminiscing about fighting Perry the Platypus like it was just yesterday, like he was the only nemesis Perry ever had… It made him sick.
“So what I’m saying,” said Dr. Horrible, adjusting his goggles absent-mindedly, “Is I’m done with the League, I’m done with L.A. and obviously I’m done with Captain Hammer, so I thought I’d return here. I heard there’s a new evil organization in town-Love… Cupcake? Or something-which I figure has gotta be cooler than a league run by a horse-uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, I mean, no offense-and I was kinda hoping once I tracked you down we could get in touch with OWCA and maybe-”
“Oh that is it!” Doofenshmirtz cried. He stormed up to Dr. Horrible, his fists clenched.
“What’s your problem?” Horrible asked snidely, tightening his grip on his raygun.
“Look, hotshot,” said Doofenshmirtz, “I don’t care what you two used to do before you moved away, but Perry the Platypus is my nemesis now, so you can just back off, okay?”
“So you’re the new nemesis, eh?” said Dr. Horrible, looking Doofenshmirtz up and down.
“Uh, duh,” said Heinz, rolling his eyes, “Lab coat, lab, inator-” he gestured at something big and spiky-looking hidden under a sheet “-who did you think I was?”
“I dunno,” said Horrible with a scoff, “But I was guessing his new nemesis’s dad or something…”
Heinz was about ready to punch the punk in his stupid, smug, begoggled face when he was distracted by a loud beep from Horrible’s raygun.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Warning alarm,” said Horrible, turning to face Perry, “Means you’ll unfreeze in three minutes.” He strode over to where he’d discarded his jetpack earlier and began to put it back on. “By then I’ll already be on my way back to L.A. for my final Golden State Scheme. You see, I’m not a big fan of moving: the boxes, the packing, the loading and unloading, it’s all such a hassle. So, back home I’ve tactically planted some highly-powerful explosives in my apartment building’s foundation and fitted some rockets-not unlike the ones powering this jetpack-to strategic points. Once I get home, the whole complex will be ready to fly to an empty lot in Danville, making my move painless and easy. I guess it’ll kinda suck for the other tenants and any bystanders that happen to be nearby when it takes off, but that’s your problem, not mine.” He posed dramatically in his jetpack, ready to take off, and winked. “Right?”
Heinz blinked, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Dr. Horrible’s scheme was rather impressive. Sure, Doofenshmirtz could do better… probably… but he hadn’t today, and why should any self-respecting secret agent stay to see what he had tomorrow after that offer? As if it weren’t already bad enough that Dr. Horrible was younger and probably better with gadgets and had an eviler-looking costume and an awesome evil laugh and had already been Perry the Platypus’s nemesis once before…
Horribly Familiar 4/4
anonymous
August 15 2012, 04:14:03 UTC
“No!” he cried angrily, desperately, “Wrong! Perry the Platypus y-you can’t foil that scheme, because you’ll be too busy with this!” He ran over to today’s inator and yanked away the sheet with a flourish. “Behold! The Gravyinator!”
Dr. Horrible laughed. Not his fearsome evil laugh, but the breathless chuckle-snort of a man who has just seen the last thing he expected to see and can’t get over the silliness of it.
“A Gravy Ray?” he said when he finally caught his breath, “Really?”
“Gravyinator,” said Heinz, “And mind your own business!”
“Well, Perry the Platypus,” said Dr. Horrible, “There you have it. You can either keep riding the Gravy Train here or come fight a real menace. What’s it gonna be?”
“Weren’t you leaving?” Doofenshmirtz snapped, “And that doesn’t even make sense! That’s not what ‘Gravy Train’ means!” Horrible shrugged.
Heinz understood; Horrible would stick around long enough to watch Perry the Platypus pick him so he could rub it in his face. Real mature. Well, Heinz planned to maintain some dignity; he’d make sure both of them were gone for good before he started crying. He wondered if this was how Perry felt when he caught him with Peter the Panda.
Both men watched the platypus intently until at last the Freeze Ray wore off and he fell to the ground. He stood, brushed himself off, and stayed where he was a moment, stealing glances at both men, thinking.
Doofenshmirtz was sweating buckets. He’d kill to get a glimpse of what was going through Perry’s mind. Though Horrible kept much cooler, he felt the same way.
Neither would’ve guessed Perry was trying to remember whether or not O.W.C.A. had the Council of Champions’s phone number. He was pretty sure they did, so all he’d have to do was report this to Monogram and by the time Horrible got to L.A. the local heroes would be ready for him. But if they didn’t… Well, the Council had to have a website or something, didn’t it? Carl was good with that stuff; he’d find a way to get them the message.
With no more time to lose, Agent P sprang into action: He jumped up and soared through the lab, delivering Dr. Doofenshmirtz a flying kick to the chin on his way to a landing on the Gravyinator’s control panel.
“What?!” cried Dr. Horrible. Doofenshmirtz couldn’t help chuckling a little as he sat up and rubbed his bruising chin.
“A-alright,” said Dr. Horrible, clearly struggling to keep his voice steady, “Fine! Y’know what? This scheme was obviously too evil for you anyway. You couldn’t handle it. You know who can? Johnny Snow! Heard of him? He’s a hero in L.A.” He nodded emphatically in a way that tempted Heinz to call “Johnny” made up. “Fights crime with an ice beam.”
“Wouldn’t that be a Freeze Ra-”
“Do you have an ice beam, Perry the Platypus? No? Didn’t think so!” Horrible flipped a switch on his jetpack and the rockets roared to life. He yelled something else, but it was drowned out by the noise, and then he flew away.
For a moment Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus paused to watch him. Several blocks away he got caught on what appeared to be the biggest kite ever, but he kept going anyway, taking it with him, far away from its creators and any potential spectators.
“Anyway,” said Doofenshmirtz awkwardly, standing up and rubbing his neck. Perry shook his head, as if to dislodge the whole incident from his mind, and turned his attention back to the Gravyinator’s control panel. It had several rows of buttons of various colors, none of which were labeled.
“How do you like that, Perry the Platypus?” said Heinz, “Only I know what each of those buttons does, so you won’t be able to just hit the Self-Destruct button this ti-no, wait! Not that one!” The platypus’s finger hovered over the biggest and reddest of the buttons. How did he guess so quickly?
Smiling, Perry the Platypus pushed the Self-Destruct button and sprang backwards just in time to dodge the explosion. Another leap and he was hang-gliding out through the hole Horrible left in the wall.
As he watched him glide away, Heinz had to say it, because he always did, but this time he was smiling, and there wasn’t any rancor left in his voice: “Curse you, Perry the Platypus!”
Re: Horribly Familiar 4/4
anonymous
August 15 2012, 21:33:32 UTC
OMG, this was the fill I never knew I wanted!! Seriously, I never would've thought of this crossover in a zillion years! This was so damn funny and clever, each character written so wonderfully IC that I could hear their voices in my head as I read! Wow! OP is a lucky lucky prompter :D Fantastic work!! This really made my day! XD
Re: Horribly Familiar 4/4contrary_izybelAugust 17 2012, 03:38:08 UTC
Oh. Wow. This was perfect. Dare I say, horribly perfect? Haha, that's never funny. But seriously this was amazing and I loved the interaction with all the characters and your voice for Dr. Horrible was perfect. I loved the dialogue. You're amazing. You win all the awards.
Re: Horribly Familiar 4/4radondoranAugust 28 2012, 10:02:04 UTC
Sorry it took me so long to read and comment on this. This is great! Thank you so much for the fill! I love the argument over the Freeze Ray, and I love Doof's nervousness when he's afraid Perry the Platypus is going to pick Horrible over him. "[H]e’d make sure both of them were gone for good before he started crying." Awwwww.
There it was. In the midst of the speech Heinz began to suspect it and now his suspicions were confirmed: This man, this jerk in his pretentious red lab coat, was Perry’s ex-nemesis. He couldn’t believe it.
Well, of course he could believe it; after all, he’d always known Perry the Platypus had been an O.W.C.A. member much longer than he’d been assigned to Doofenshmirtz, but this strangeness, actually seeing a different evil scientist storming in with his “Freeze Ray” and reminiscing about fighting Perry the Platypus like it was just yesterday, like he was the only nemesis Perry ever had… It made him sick.
“So what I’m saying,” said Dr. Horrible, adjusting his goggles absent-mindedly, “Is I’m done with the League, I’m done with L.A. and obviously I’m done with Captain Hammer, so I thought I’d return here. I heard there’s a new evil organization in town-Love… Cupcake? Or something-which I figure has gotta be cooler than a league run by a horse-uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, I mean, no offense-and I was kinda hoping once I tracked you down we could get in touch with OWCA and maybe-”
“Oh that is it!” Doofenshmirtz cried. He stormed up to Dr. Horrible, his fists clenched.
“What’s your problem?” Horrible asked snidely, tightening his grip on his raygun.
“Look, hotshot,” said Doofenshmirtz, “I don’t care what you two used to do before you moved away, but Perry the Platypus is my nemesis now, so you can just back off, okay?”
“So you’re the new nemesis, eh?” said Dr. Horrible, looking Doofenshmirtz up and down.
“Uh, duh,” said Heinz, rolling his eyes, “Lab coat, lab, inator-” he gestured at something big and spiky-looking hidden under a sheet “-who did you think I was?”
“I dunno,” said Horrible with a scoff, “But I was guessing his new nemesis’s dad or something…”
Heinz was about ready to punch the punk in his stupid, smug, begoggled face when he was distracted by a loud beep from Horrible’s raygun.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Warning alarm,” said Horrible, turning to face Perry, “Means you’ll unfreeze in three minutes.” He strode over to where he’d discarded his jetpack earlier and began to put it back on. “By then I’ll already be on my way back to L.A. for my final Golden State Scheme. You see, I’m not a big fan of moving: the boxes, the packing, the loading and unloading, it’s all such a hassle. So, back home I’ve tactically planted some highly-powerful explosives in my apartment building’s foundation and fitted some rockets-not unlike the ones powering this jetpack-to strategic points. Once I get home, the whole complex will be ready to fly to an empty lot in Danville, making my move painless and easy. I guess it’ll kinda suck for the other tenants and any bystanders that happen to be nearby when it takes off, but that’s your problem, not mine.” He posed dramatically in his jetpack, ready to take off, and winked. “Right?”
Heinz blinked, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Dr. Horrible’s scheme was rather impressive. Sure, Doofenshmirtz could do better… probably… but he hadn’t today, and why should any self-respecting secret agent stay to see what he had tomorrow after that offer? As if it weren’t already bad enough that Dr. Horrible was younger and probably better with gadgets and had an eviler-looking costume and an awesome evil laugh and had already been Perry the Platypus’s nemesis once before…
Reply
Dr. Horrible laughed. Not his fearsome evil laugh, but the breathless chuckle-snort of a man who has just seen the last thing he expected to see and can’t get over the silliness of it.
“A Gravy Ray?” he said when he finally caught his breath, “Really?”
“Gravyinator,” said Heinz, “And mind your own business!”
“Well, Perry the Platypus,” said Dr. Horrible, “There you have it. You can either keep riding the Gravy Train here or come fight a real menace. What’s it gonna be?”
“Weren’t you leaving?” Doofenshmirtz snapped, “And that doesn’t even make sense! That’s not what ‘Gravy Train’ means!” Horrible shrugged.
Heinz understood; Horrible would stick around long enough to watch Perry the Platypus pick him so he could rub it in his face. Real mature. Well, Heinz planned to maintain some dignity; he’d make sure both of them were gone for good before he started crying. He wondered if this was how Perry felt when he caught him with Peter the Panda.
Both men watched the platypus intently until at last the Freeze Ray wore off and he fell to the ground. He stood, brushed himself off, and stayed where he was a moment, stealing glances at both men, thinking.
Doofenshmirtz was sweating buckets. He’d kill to get a glimpse of what was going through Perry’s mind. Though Horrible kept much cooler, he felt the same way.
Neither would’ve guessed Perry was trying to remember whether or not O.W.C.A. had the Council of Champions’s phone number. He was pretty sure they did, so all he’d have to do was report this to Monogram and by the time Horrible got to L.A. the local heroes would be ready for him. But if they didn’t… Well, the Council had to have a website or something, didn’t it? Carl was good with that stuff; he’d find a way to get them the message.
With no more time to lose, Agent P sprang into action: He jumped up and soared through the lab, delivering Dr. Doofenshmirtz a flying kick to the chin on his way to a landing on the Gravyinator’s control panel.
“What?!” cried Dr. Horrible. Doofenshmirtz couldn’t help chuckling a little as he sat up and rubbed his bruising chin.
“A-alright,” said Dr. Horrible, clearly struggling to keep his voice steady, “Fine! Y’know what? This scheme was obviously too evil for you anyway. You couldn’t handle it. You know who can? Johnny Snow! Heard of him? He’s a hero in L.A.” He nodded emphatically in a way that tempted Heinz to call “Johnny” made up. “Fights crime with an ice beam.”
“Wouldn’t that be a Freeze Ra-”
“Do you have an ice beam, Perry the Platypus? No? Didn’t think so!” Horrible flipped a switch on his jetpack and the rockets roared to life. He yelled something else, but it was drowned out by the noise, and then he flew away.
For a moment Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus paused to watch him. Several blocks away he got caught on what appeared to be the biggest kite ever, but he kept going anyway, taking it with him, far away from its creators and any potential spectators.
“Anyway,” said Doofenshmirtz awkwardly, standing up and rubbing his neck. Perry shook his head, as if to dislodge the whole incident from his mind, and turned his attention back to the Gravyinator’s control panel. It had several rows of buttons of various colors, none of which were labeled.
“How do you like that, Perry the Platypus?” said Heinz, “Only I know what each of those buttons does, so you won’t be able to just hit the Self-Destruct button this ti-no, wait! Not that one!” The platypus’s finger hovered over the biggest and reddest of the buttons. How did he guess so quickly?
Smiling, Perry the Platypus pushed the Self-Destruct button and sprang backwards just in time to dodge the explosion. Another leap and he was hang-gliding out through the hole Horrible left in the wall.
As he watched him glide away, Heinz had to say it, because he always did, but this time he was smiling, and there wasn’t any rancor left in his voice: “Curse you, Perry the Platypus!”
Reply
Reply
Reply
Now I want to watch Dr. Horrible again.
Reply
Leave a comment