Uncle Bubbles (2/2)
anonymous
July 10 2012, 03:44:08 UTC
There was a long and slightly strained silence in the room. Miss. Tirto couldn't tell if this was better or worse than the last time. “So that's the story of how I met Uncle Bubbles!” Lilo finished confidently.
“Well, alright then.” Miss. Tirto clasped her hands together, addressing the class “Does anyone have any questions for Lilo? Or.... erm... is your name really Bubbles?”
“Cobra Bubbles.”
“Well, that's a... very interesting name. So, class, what do you want to know about Mr. Bubbles?” The redhead who had been mauled by the blue koala raised her hand, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Yes Mertle?”
“Are you a spy?” The girl asked.
“I'm a social worker.” Cobra answered coldly. Mertle was not even remotely satisfied by that answer.
“If you worked for the CIA that means you were a spy, doesn't it?”
“That information will be declassified in seventy years time. Look it up then.” Mertle was triumphant at this response.
“I knew you were a spy!” The redhead insisted “Are you spying on Weirdlo? Is she a terrorist?”
“No.”
“But I-”
“Now Myrtle.” Miss. Tirto stressed “Let some other children have a turn. Who else wants to know about Mr Bubbles? Something that isn't about being a spy.” The classroom, clearly waiting for an excuse to interrupt, erupted in questions.
“Can I see your gun?”
“No.”
“Do you have a taser?”
“Yes.”
“How did you get so tall?”
“Genetics.”
“Do you know the President?”
“I've met him.”
“Can you taser someone?”
“It's possible.”
“What kind of alien is your girlfriend?”
“Friendly.”
“Do those sunglasses hurt your penultimate vision?”
“No.”
“It's 'peripheral' stupid.”
“I believe your teacher asked you not to talk Mertle.”
“WILL you taser someone?”
“No.”
“Are you from the Men In Black cartoons?”
“I don't watch cartoons.”
“Will you taser ME?” Cobra was quiet for a while, before pulling his glasses down to stare at the electroshock-enthusiast.
“I'll tell you what. I'm going to have someone put you on a list of people who can never join the police force. For your safety, and for the safety of all citizens of the United States.” Miss. Tirto, sensing that the situation was becoming strained, spoke up.
“Alright class, these are some very interesting questions, but Mr. Bubbles time-”
“How many people have you killed with your bare hands?” There was a long pause, during which every pair of eyes, including Miss. Tirto's, was on Cobra's indifferent expression.
“It's very rude to interrupt your teacher when she's talking.” He said with just an edge of menace, putting his glasses back into place.
“...Thank you Mr. Bubbles. Now class, Lilo's five minutes are more than spent, and it's time to move on to the next item.” There was a collective 'Awww' of disappointment from the classroom. “Let's give Lilo and Mr. Bubbles a hand, shall we?” As lukewarm applause filled the air, Lilo skipped back to her seat. Cobra stalked to the back of the classroom, where he sat gingerly upon a work bench and crossed his arms, clearly intending to stay for the rest of the day.
As Jeffery showed off the tenth clam shell he had brought in to school this year, Miss. Tirto wondered wearily how hard it would be to eliminate show-and-tell from the entire school's curriculum.
“Well, alright then.” Miss. Tirto clasped her hands together, addressing the class “Does anyone have any questions for Lilo? Or.... erm... is your name really Bubbles?”
“Cobra Bubbles.”
“Well, that's a... very interesting name. So, class, what do you want to know about Mr. Bubbles?” The redhead who had been mauled by the blue koala raised her hand, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Yes Mertle?”
“Are you a spy?” The girl asked.
“I'm a social worker.” Cobra answered coldly. Mertle was not even remotely satisfied by that answer.
“If you worked for the CIA that means you were a spy, doesn't it?”
“That information will be declassified in seventy years time. Look it up then.” Mertle was triumphant at this response.
“I knew you were a spy!” The redhead insisted “Are you spying on Weirdlo? Is she a terrorist?”
“No.”
“But I-”
“Now Myrtle.” Miss. Tirto stressed “Let some other children have a turn. Who else wants to know about Mr Bubbles? Something that isn't about being a spy.” The classroom, clearly waiting for an excuse to interrupt, erupted in questions.
“Can I see your gun?”
“No.”
“Do you have a taser?”
“Yes.”
“How did you get so tall?”
“Genetics.”
“Do you know the President?”
“I've met him.”
“Can you taser someone?”
“It's possible.”
“What kind of alien is your girlfriend?”
“Friendly.”
“Do those sunglasses hurt your penultimate vision?”
“No.”
“It's 'peripheral' stupid.”
“I believe your teacher asked you not to talk Mertle.”
“WILL you taser someone?”
“No.”
“Are you from the Men In Black cartoons?”
“I don't watch cartoons.”
“Will you taser ME?” Cobra was quiet for a while, before pulling his glasses down to stare at the electroshock-enthusiast.
“I'll tell you what. I'm going to have someone put you on a list of people who can never join the police force. For your safety, and for the safety of all citizens of the United States.” Miss. Tirto, sensing that the situation was becoming strained, spoke up.
“Alright class, these are some very interesting questions, but Mr. Bubbles time-”
“How many people have you killed with your bare hands?” There was a long pause, during which every pair of eyes, including Miss. Tirto's, was on Cobra's indifferent expression.
“It's very rude to interrupt your teacher when she's talking.” He said with just an edge of menace, putting his glasses back into place.
“...Thank you Mr. Bubbles. Now class, Lilo's five minutes are more than spent, and it's time to move on to the next item.” There was a collective 'Awww' of disappointment from the classroom. “Let's give Lilo and Mr. Bubbles a hand, shall we?” As lukewarm applause filled the air, Lilo skipped back to her seat. Cobra stalked to the back of the classroom, where he sat gingerly upon a work bench and crossed his arms, clearly intending to stay for the rest of the day.
As Jeffery showed off the tenth clam shell he had brought in to school this year, Miss. Tirto wondered wearily how hard it would be to eliminate show-and-tell from the entire school's curriculum.
Reply
Reply
Reply
“Genetics.”
Lol XD I totally just imagined Cobra Bubbles saying that word aloud. Hilarious fill. XD
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment