To Have and Hold (Hostage) - 2/2radondoranDecember 19 2011, 17:22:42 UTC
"What, you're not--you're not gonna say yes?" asked Doofenshmirtz. "Because this is getting really uncomfortable, and..."
Perry continued to boggle.
Doofenshmirtz sighed and stood up again. "I thought you might get all irrational about this." (Said the man who had just proposed marriage to his platypus nemesis.) "But listen, it's a good idea! I have really good insurance. I own a building! You don't even have to change your name or anything. I thought about changing my name, but Dr. Heinz the Platypus? I'm just not feeling it."
Perry gave him a skeptical look, and mimed his usual fighting stance.
"What, you think we shouldn't get married just because we fight each other every day? I've been married, Perry the Platypus, I know what the deal is. My ex-wife and I used to fight all the time. I'll be honest, our fights are actually a lot more fun."
Perry still didn't look convinced.
"I've got news for you, Perry the Platypus," said Doofenshmirtz, "we're practically married already! Have you ever noticed how even when I don't trap you, we still always spend the day together? You know where everything is in my apartment. You help me parent my daughter. You took care of me when I was sick--you know, after you thwarted my plans. You even came to my family reunion! Aunt Effie says hi, by the way."
Perry obligingly waved a quick hi back, and Doofenshmirtz went on:
"You're always there for me--or, you know, against me, I guess. You're the closest and dearest enemy I've ever had. You're an important part of my life, Perry the Platypus, and I think I'm an important part of yours. I want it to stay that way forever. I want us to grow old together, me doing evil and you thwarting me, till death do us part. What do you say?"
When he put it that way... But there was still one more objection. Perry forced back a smile and looked skeptical again. He pointed at Doofenshmirtz, then pointed at himself.
"You mean we're both--? I think that's legal now..."
Perry shook his head, indicated himself again by pointing straight at his bill.
"Oh! Oh, because I'm a man, and you're a platypus." Doofenshmirtz laughed self-consciously. "You know, you're gonna think this is weird, Perry the Platypus, but sometimes I forget about that. It's no problem! My brother's the mayor, I'm pretty sure he has, like, absolute power. We'll work it out."
Perry wasn't convinced democracy worked that way, but nonetheless he smiled and slipped his finger into the ring.
Doofenshmirtz beamed, and blinked back tears. "Oh, Perry the Platypus! I'm so happy!"
Perry pulled his hand back from the inator's arm, triggering a switch that caused it to snap into a small cage around him.
"Oop, sorry about that," said Perry's new fiancé. "Force of habit. Anyway, to the registry office!" He picked up the cage and carried Perry out with him. Perry rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long forever.
Re: To Have and Hold (Hostage) - 2/2badass_tigerDecember 20 2011, 10:06:48 UTC
Oh my God I wasn't seriously expecting somebody to fill this. But thank you so much ♥ This is exactly what I asked for, it's so cute yet in-character and just them. My day is seriously made <3
I have to ask though why is Heinz the one in a tux, I'm pretty sure it's Perry who wears the pants ahahaha
Re: To Have and Hold (Hostage) - 2/2radondoranMarch 12 2012, 01:46:00 UTC
I think you just gave me everything I ever wanted from the internet. All the silliness and the cute and the lampshading of silliness and the marching right on past it into more cute. Have an internet--have ALL the internets.
Re: To Have and Hold (Hostage) - 2/2radondoranApril 7 2012, 00:09:16 UTC
I have to be honest, when I first read this prompt I though "Ha ha, that's funny, but it would never work out without one or both of them being insanely out of character."
I was so wrong. This is legitimately the best Phineas and Ferb fanfic I have ever read. The dialogue (and in Perry's case, miming) was so real I could hear Heinz's voice and see it animated. It was hilarious, especially the whole gay-marriage vs. cross-species-marriage vs. whatevs-my-bother-is-the-mayor bit. Plus Heinz's spiel about all the reasons they should marry, and the propose-inator! I died of laughter, then became a zombie just to leave this comment because you are awesome and you should feel awesome. I would quote my favorite bits, but then I would be copy pasting the entier story.
Re: To Have and Hold (Hostage) - 2/2radondoranApril 7 2012, 20:23:27 UTC
:D :D Thank you so much! This was a really quirky and fun prompt to fill--I'm glad the result was such a success!
(Also, I laughed at "the propose-inator"--it never occurred to me to call it that, but that's totally what it was. It seems like in my fanfics, Doof just does everything via inator. I dunno, it's funnier that way.)
Perry continued to boggle.
Doofenshmirtz sighed and stood up again. "I thought you might get all irrational about this." (Said the man who had just proposed marriage to his platypus nemesis.) "But listen, it's a good idea! I have really good insurance. I own a building! You don't even have to change your name or anything. I thought about changing my name, but Dr. Heinz the Platypus? I'm just not feeling it."
Perry gave him a skeptical look, and mimed his usual fighting stance.
"What, you think we shouldn't get married just because we fight each other every day? I've been married, Perry the Platypus, I know what the deal is. My ex-wife and I used to fight all the time. I'll be honest, our fights are actually a lot more fun."
Perry still didn't look convinced.
"I've got news for you, Perry the Platypus," said Doofenshmirtz, "we're practically married already! Have you ever noticed how even when I don't trap you, we still always spend the day together? You know where everything is in my apartment. You help me parent my daughter. You took care of me when I was sick--you know, after you thwarted my plans. You even came to my family reunion! Aunt Effie says hi, by the way."
Perry obligingly waved a quick hi back, and Doofenshmirtz went on:
"You're always there for me--or, you know, against me, I guess. You're the closest and dearest enemy I've ever had. You're an important part of my life, Perry the Platypus, and I think I'm an important part of yours. I want it to stay that way forever. I want us to grow old together, me doing evil and you thwarting me, till death do us part. What do you say?"
When he put it that way... But there was still one more objection. Perry forced back a smile and looked skeptical again. He pointed at Doofenshmirtz, then pointed at himself.
"You mean we're both--? I think that's legal now..."
Perry shook his head, indicated himself again by pointing straight at his bill.
"Oh! Oh, because I'm a man, and you're a platypus." Doofenshmirtz laughed self-consciously. "You know, you're gonna think this is weird, Perry the Platypus, but sometimes I forget about that. It's no problem! My brother's the mayor, I'm pretty sure he has, like, absolute power. We'll work it out."
Perry wasn't convinced democracy worked that way, but nonetheless he smiled and slipped his finger into the ring.
Doofenshmirtz beamed, and blinked back tears. "Oh, Perry the Platypus! I'm so happy!"
Perry pulled his hand back from the inator's arm, triggering a switch that caused it to snap into a small cage around him.
"Oop, sorry about that," said Perry's new fiancé. "Force of habit. Anyway, to the registry office!" He picked up the cage and carried Perry out with him. Perry rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long forever.
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I have to ask though why is Heinz the one in a tux, I'm pretty sure it's Perry who wears the pants ahahaha
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(hahaha, yeah, I thought about the fact that in canon, Doof is the wife, but it seemed odd for him to admit it.)
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And then had to write the wedding....
http://mischif.dreamwidth.org/110873.html
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♥
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This is officially my headcannon by the way.
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I was so wrong. This is legitimately the best Phineas and Ferb fanfic I have ever read. The dialogue (and in Perry's case, miming) was so real I could hear Heinz's voice and see it animated. It was hilarious, especially the whole gay-marriage vs. cross-species-marriage vs. whatevs-my-bother-is-the-mayor bit. Plus Heinz's spiel about all the reasons they should marry, and the propose-inator! I died of laughter, then became a zombie just to leave this comment because you are awesome and you should feel awesome. I would quote my favorite bits, but then I would be copy pasting the entier story.
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(Also, I laughed at "the propose-inator"--it never occurred to me to call it that, but that's totally what it was. It seems like in my fanfics, Doof just does everything via inator. I dunno, it's funnier that way.)
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