jokes
There was this bar and blondes were celebrating in the corner, with beers
shouting, "41 days, 41 days!!!!"
The bartender watched as they more came in and joined the celebration.
He was finally so curious that he went over and said, "Why are you
celebrating shouting, '41 days, 41 days!!!'?" And a blonde held up a 4 piece
puzzle box and said, "The box said 4 to 6 years, and it only took us 41
days!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two Accountants were biking across the park when one said "Where did you get
such a great bike?"
The second Accountant guy replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what
you want."
The first Accountant guy nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit".
An elderly couple were enjoying the evening by swinging on the front porch
and looking at the beautiful sunset. After a few minutes the ol'lady reaches
over and knocks the hell out of the ol' man who goes flying off the porch
and into the bushes.
The ol' man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his
wife on the swing. He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, "What was
that for Ma?"
She replies: "That's for having a small one!"
A few more minutes go by and the ol' man reaches over and knocks the hell
out of his wife, who also goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
She slowly gets up and makes her way back to her seat next to Pa. She sits
here a few minutes and then asks, "What was that for Pa?"
He replies: "That's for knowing there was more than one size."
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a
cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he
asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the
drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches setting neatly on top
of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
DEAR ABBY STUMPERS
The following are actual letters that Abigail Van
Buren (Dear Abby) admitted she was at a total loss to
answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a
social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go
everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into
their apartment or come out. Do you think they could
be Lebanese?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and
violence on my VCR?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much
I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is even his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It's getting
expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half
the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy
who was raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now,
how do I get out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist
$50 an hour every week for two- and-a-half years. He
must be crazy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor
a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and
couldn't, and he did it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. Do you think she
is going through her mental pause?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all
interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my
husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a
doctor. What now?
shouting, "41 days, 41 days!!!!"
The bartender watched as they more came in and joined the celebration.
He was finally so curious that he went over and said, "Why are you
celebrating shouting, '41 days, 41 days!!!'?" And a blonde held up a 4 piece
puzzle box and said, "The box said 4 to 6 years, and it only took us 41
days!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two Accountants were biking across the park when one said "Where did you get
such a great bike?"
The second Accountant guy replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what
you want."
The first Accountant guy nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit".
An elderly couple were enjoying the evening by swinging on the front porch
and looking at the beautiful sunset. After a few minutes the ol'lady reaches
over and knocks the hell out of the ol' man who goes flying off the porch
and into the bushes.
The ol' man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his
wife on the swing. He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, "What was
that for Ma?"
She replies: "That's for having a small one!"
A few more minutes go by and the ol' man reaches over and knocks the hell
out of his wife, who also goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
She slowly gets up and makes her way back to her seat next to Pa. She sits
here a few minutes and then asks, "What was that for Pa?"
He replies: "That's for knowing there was more than one size."
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a
cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he
asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the
drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches setting neatly on top
of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
DEAR ABBY STUMPERS
The following are actual letters that Abigail Van
Buren (Dear Abby) admitted she was at a total loss to
answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a
social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go
everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into
their apartment or come out. Do you think they could
be Lebanese?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and
violence on my VCR?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much
I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is even his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It's getting
expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half
the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy
who was raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now,
how do I get out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist
$50 an hour every week for two- and-a-half years. He
must be crazy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor
a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and
couldn't, and he did it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. Do you think she
is going through her mental pause?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all
interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my
husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a
doctor. What now?