(no subject)
i've been a memebr of the live journal for a long time. in the beginning i didn't know a lot of things or a lot of people in real life either, i am from a very orthodox and conservative family. In the beginning i didn't (in the beginning being 4 years ago) even really have a friend in real life, not in my whole growing up.
i read my journal tonight for the first time in 4 years and i just wanted to die all over again. I supress so much every day and not even for myself just to keep my parents happy or to not get asked about it. I don't even know.
I have gone from wishing i was dead to feeling like i don't even exist and back. I look at all the other girls and sometimes boys too and they are so careless or without care i don't know how to say that they seem unbothered sharing their pictures and stories. after all this time i still wear a coat all summer. i'll never feel better.
i read my journal tonight for the first time in 4 years and i just wanted to die all over again. I supress so much every day and not even for myself just to keep my parents happy or to not get asked about it. I don't even know.
I have gone from wishing i was dead to feeling like i don't even exist and back. I look at all the other girls and sometimes boys too and they are so careless or without care i don't know how to say that they seem unbothered sharing their pictures and stories. after all this time i still wear a coat all summer. i'll never feel better.