[.safe.]
into the darkness i open my arms and steadily fall.. gazing down into the oblivious hope of finding a bottom
i dont know what to write..
all i know is that i need to write ( Read more... )
i dont know what to write..
all i know is that i need to write ( Read more... )
...sometimes when we look back, we realize that all of the darkness was simply a part of the journey towards our light.
"i'm a replica of someone time is forgetting."
...I will never forget what is so special about u.
"in this life there are winner's and losers."
yes, but the criteria for how most people judge what 'winning' really means is fucked up. Winning is an internalized battle... growing, evolving, learning, sharing, giving, loving, changing, accomplishing, living, writing, crying... and in brief moments truly comprehending the simplicity of our lives.
I think you're tremendous J. Don't doubt yourself like this. I don't know how, simply by being yourself, the compassionate, witty, smart, thoughtful, and strong Jenna I have come to care about so much, you can't find happiness.
This is going to sound so trite, and my apologies if u want to puke on me, but, the cliche is true:
Happiness is in that beautiful, sensitive, broken heart of yours... it's inside u, not out there in that darkened, complicated, painful world.
Be safe.
XXX
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I cant seem to find anything, anymore.
Everything is hard. Everything is complicated.
Everything is, just.. EVERYTHING.
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Even though I rationally disbelieve in god and mystical stuff... I still instinctively believe that the capacity to find happiness exists within all of us. Otherwise what is the point. I know it's there.
What do you want?
What are you looking for?
Who do you want to be in five years time?
What pleases and displeases you about your current life?
You're young, beautiful, smart... I know life can feel so claustrophic and miserably pre-ordained, but everything or anything is out there for you.
I want to pierce your darkness with the thought of possibilities. I want to show you it's ok. You're ok.
I travelled half way around the world for a possibility... it turned out to be very a painful journey, but I don't regret the lessons I've learned one bit. I'm by no means a good example, but I think the most thing I've grown to understand is that just when you feel the walls are closing in, and there is nothing we can do, the smallest incident can reveal to us the power we have to influence the things in are life.
We let people treat us the way they do.
We decide to do the things that fill up our day, each and every 24hrs.
We decide to hurt ourselves.
We decide to be bitter instead of accepting someone for what they've done, attempting to extrapolate who they are, and determining the best thing for each other respectively.
We decide, in so many ways, to be unhappy, or happy.
I care about you lots, J. I think about you lots too. I don't know if it is a reciprocated thing, as I know I am one of many friends and admirers ;) you have... but, I feel your struggle mirrors in so many ways my own. I feel a deep companionship in the midst of you, from what little I see.
I hope you are ok.
You are remarkable.
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You're in my thoughts and heart.
Your words inspire me to move forward.
You never judged me, you've never done anything to hurt me.
I couldnt ask for a better person in my life that I can count on for sound advice and compassion.
<3
Happy New Year.
-J
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