I have to write about this somewhere...
Oy. Okay, it's 4:30 AM, I have to get up in 4 hours.
Sooo, why am I still up? Essay. Yeah, I guess I can work on it later, but I did something I told myself NOT to do. See, I wanted to get inspired and get some ideas on what to write about. Well, one of the books we read that we're supposed to use examples from was about a holocaust survivor. The story itself was pretty good, but it got me interested that I wanted to hear other stories too. Anyways, not a smart idea to read about other peoples' deaths in the middle of the night, it kinda scares me. But yeah, I went off and did that and couldn't stop because I was so curious. I have a better idea of what to write for my essay, but now i'm having trouble sleeping. Yyyyeaaah. That's why i'm here. Need to get this off my mind.
I guess writing about won't exactly make me feel better, i'm not sure. Ugh, why do I do this to myself. Stupid college. Seriously though, i've learned so much about Auschwitz over the past 2 weeks. Just looking at photos and reading experiences seriously terrifies me, but makes me curious for more. I can't even imagine what it must've been like for the kids. So young and unaware what's going on, scared...and then they're dead. It's just so crazy for me to think about...I don't even WANT to think about it. At least not at this hour. Guh, now i'm afraid i'm going to have a dream of the place. I already had a somewhat scary dream last night where I drove off a cliff. Like, I knew I was going to die while the car was plummeting downwards, but I didn't think much of it. It's like "Oh well, here I go!". I guess I expected me to be fine, like have a headache or something. I dunno, something you would expect in a cartoon. But when the car hit the bottom, I remember feeling like something had hit me in the head really, really hard. It didn't exactly hurt, it was just really sudden. The next thing I knew everything had gone black and the sound quickly faded out. Everything was silent and dark, yet I could still kind of think. I remember thinking like...wow, i'm actually dead. I felt so guilty like...what will my mom do when she finds out or what will my friends think when they hear about me. It was very surreal. Anyway, it was still dark and then I felt myself becoming aware of things again. Next thing I knew, I slowly awoke in bed. Basically, I died in my dream and woke up alive. Needless to say, sleep was the last thing on my mind. No rolling over and passing out again, ha.
Hm...well, I guess writing that out made me feel a bit more...better. I think. Maybe. I'm kinda afraid to turn the light out. The dark scares me sometimes, tonight especially. Or this morning...4:45 AM. I need to remind myself that in a matter of hours, i'll be at The Happiest Place on Earth. And with school the next day, i'm am NOT gonna wanna leave.
Later Days~