Life as I know it
Everything has changed in the past few years. Life is just so different now.
Craig and I separated in 2008 because of his substance abuse problems. He was kicked out of the military and of course blames me. I moved around a lot in the summer of '08 and finally came back to Florida in August. It was strange being back here and feeling homeless. I stayed with my best friend and some people he knew for a little over a year.
I met another man who treats me better than Craig did but still makes me angry sometimes. I'm slowly learning not everything in life is a fairy tale. I gave birth to my son, Tristan, in January of '10 and I'm pregnant with another baby now. I'm due in a few weeks, so I'm looking awfully round.
Nothing in life has been as dramatic as my late teen-early twenties. Between the emotional roller coaster with Chad and the physically and emotionally battering relationship with my now ex-husband I don't know that I want life to be interesting anymore.
I have a decent job, and have managed to hang on to it long enough to get a promotion. I've been working where I'm at now for almost two years (come October) and am the manager. I'm thankful for this because I think without the position I would lose my job when I have this baby.
My biological father and I are no longer on speaking terms. After my separation I went to stay with him for a while and he turned out to be a snake. All of the things my dad has been saying about him the first two decades of my life are true. I have slowly learned to start trusting him - something that comes with having children of my own.
I'm almost finished with my Associate's degree - something I never thought I'd be able to say after leaving Flagler. I think having Mara was both a good and bad thing. A bad thing because at 19 everything seems so final and the world is harsh and unrelenting. A wonderful thing because at 19 I got the chance to grow up more than I had in the prior 5 years. At 19 I became a mother and the world didn't revolve around me anymore, everything I do is for my children (well, not everything, but most things.)
I don't know how many people, at 23, are managers, drive late-model cars, go house hunting with their live-in partners, or have started a mutual fund to retire on.
I can't say I'm over the many problems I used to have - my depression will probably never go away, but at least I'm not as melodramatic as I used to be. I feel like I can walk around proudly with my "big-girl" panties on and show the world what I'm made of. I have a close group of friends who I cherish and a great (although small) extended family through my boyfriend who I can share holidays with and who my children can grow up knowing.
Looking back now, I would have never guessed in 4 short years I would be a mom of 3, working full time, in a relationship with a good man, and on my way to being a home owner. I'm pretty proud of where life's taken me.
Craig and I separated in 2008 because of his substance abuse problems. He was kicked out of the military and of course blames me. I moved around a lot in the summer of '08 and finally came back to Florida in August. It was strange being back here and feeling homeless. I stayed with my best friend and some people he knew for a little over a year.
I met another man who treats me better than Craig did but still makes me angry sometimes. I'm slowly learning not everything in life is a fairy tale. I gave birth to my son, Tristan, in January of '10 and I'm pregnant with another baby now. I'm due in a few weeks, so I'm looking awfully round.
Nothing in life has been as dramatic as my late teen-early twenties. Between the emotional roller coaster with Chad and the physically and emotionally battering relationship with my now ex-husband I don't know that I want life to be interesting anymore.
I have a decent job, and have managed to hang on to it long enough to get a promotion. I've been working where I'm at now for almost two years (come October) and am the manager. I'm thankful for this because I think without the position I would lose my job when I have this baby.
My biological father and I are no longer on speaking terms. After my separation I went to stay with him for a while and he turned out to be a snake. All of the things my dad has been saying about him the first two decades of my life are true. I have slowly learned to start trusting him - something that comes with having children of my own.
I'm almost finished with my Associate's degree - something I never thought I'd be able to say after leaving Flagler. I think having Mara was both a good and bad thing. A bad thing because at 19 everything seems so final and the world is harsh and unrelenting. A wonderful thing because at 19 I got the chance to grow up more than I had in the prior 5 years. At 19 I became a mother and the world didn't revolve around me anymore, everything I do is for my children (well, not everything, but most things.)
I don't know how many people, at 23, are managers, drive late-model cars, go house hunting with their live-in partners, or have started a mutual fund to retire on.
I can't say I'm over the many problems I used to have - my depression will probably never go away, but at least I'm not as melodramatic as I used to be. I feel like I can walk around proudly with my "big-girl" panties on and show the world what I'm made of. I have a close group of friends who I cherish and a great (although small) extended family through my boyfriend who I can share holidays with and who my children can grow up knowing.
Looking back now, I would have never guessed in 4 short years I would be a mom of 3, working full time, in a relationship with a good man, and on my way to being a home owner. I'm pretty proud of where life's taken me.