you can never go home again
Maladicta woke up with the smell of the ocean in her nose and the feel of scratchy, dry straw beneath her. These were two very incongruous sensations. Admittedly, neither she nor William were particularly experienced or talented at bed-making and perhaps the mattress needed replacing already, but that wasn’t the only sensation that was wrong.
She couldn’t smell William. Couldn’t feel him. If she didn’t wake up in his arms or with her arms around him she at least would find herself lying with her back tucked up against his back or chest, some part of them touching.
There was no birdsong, those damn noise making bastards. There was no distant soft rattle of the waves. She had a splitting headache and a bitter taste in her mouth. And she felt exceedingly still.
Maladicta’s eyes fluttered open, a sated, darker hue of blue. She felt something, an electric buzz not like an engine but like the buzz of life in something not-human. Like a troll. She was too shocked and disoriented for the sinking feeling to have started, yet, but it would shortly. She sat up, gaze unfocused and disoriented, and took in the plain dark walls and the oh so faint, distant smell of metal and blood and fire.
“Jade,” she said huskily, and the extremely large, unkempt pile of rocks loaded into the corner of the barn-like space shifted attentively in her direction. The panic chose that moment to crash over Maladicta like the waves she would never see again save for in dreams.
“You been out a long time,” Carborundum-actually-Jade rumbled, moving towards the now very dishabille vampire with the unconcerned lumber of someone to whom vampires are not an issue as such.
“Ozzer an’ Tonker an’ Lofty an’ Shufti an’ Wazzer an’ dem wen’ to de Keep. Dey told me watch you. You been suckin’ dat coffee for a day now, easy,” the troll rumbled without any perceptible point of view on the to her girls’ activities or her own role in the whole mess, re; vampiresitting. Maladicta mewled, a low and desperate keening noise.
“No,” she protested, curling into herself, feeling a sickly pulse behind her eyes where more than half a year’s worth of memories were suddenly trying to fit themselves into the space allotted for mere hours, even if it was a large amount of hours.
“No, it wassssn’ a dream. Can’t bbbe. Isn’t.” Jade’s lichen rumpled in confusion.
“You were having de bad flashside, but de coffee knock you out of it ‘for you did any damages.” The coffee, Maladicta thought desperately through a haze of pain and severely mottled memories. Swires. Swires dropped the coffee. Vimes sent the coffe that Swires dropped. Who was Swires?
“Polly,” she said desperately, and struggled to standing, before her body, which was wildly off-center from all the cold bat and the immediate reintroduction of its drug and which was at odds with her mind which was going Where is my breath? Where are my lungs? Where is my heart? It’s there, but it isn’t beating. Why isn’t it beating, decided no, thank you, and she crashed lightly back down to her knees.
“No,” she gasped, or approximated a gasp, and rocked a little. “No, oh no, oh no.”
Jade was not smart, even by troll standards. She had no illusions she was. Nor was she particularly sympathetic- even by troll standards- or at least had no experience with sympathy. She was not sure what to do with the clearly unstable vampire in front of her. She thought of clubbing the corporal over the head. It would make things very easy.
Instead, she said, “So you a girl now too, huh? Dat’s fine. We wasn’t sure, I don’t think, but you’re acting it, now.”
Maladicta looked rather helplessly and blurrily up at the troll.
“What?” she said. “Yes,” she said, “yes I’m- yes. Yyyes bbbut that doesn’t meannn,” and then she dropped her head into her hands.
“We have ttto get to Kneck.” She had to get to Polly.
It wasn’t a flashside.
It couldn’t have been a flashside.
She thought of the boys with guns and close hair cuts, smoking and walking and sitting in the dark with her all those months ago, before she’d-
No, only hours, if so many hours, before.
Seven months in the blink of an eye. That hadn’t happened. A dream. A hallucination.
“Nnnnno,” she said at length, through her fangs. No. Not a flash side. It couldn’t have been a flash side.
Duchess. Nuggan. Gods. God. William, no. It couldn’t have been a flashside.
She discarded the shriveled and sucked at coffee sack and started at a dangerous, sideways sort of amble, half disappearing in and out of shadows, for the door, and Jade knuckled after her with no hesitancy but a certain degree of trepidation.
She couldn’t smell William. Couldn’t feel him. If she didn’t wake up in his arms or with her arms around him she at least would find herself lying with her back tucked up against his back or chest, some part of them touching.
There was no birdsong, those damn noise making bastards. There was no distant soft rattle of the waves. She had a splitting headache and a bitter taste in her mouth. And she felt exceedingly still.
Maladicta’s eyes fluttered open, a sated, darker hue of blue. She felt something, an electric buzz not like an engine but like the buzz of life in something not-human. Like a troll. She was too shocked and disoriented for the sinking feeling to have started, yet, but it would shortly. She sat up, gaze unfocused and disoriented, and took in the plain dark walls and the oh so faint, distant smell of metal and blood and fire.
“Jade,” she said huskily, and the extremely large, unkempt pile of rocks loaded into the corner of the barn-like space shifted attentively in her direction. The panic chose that moment to crash over Maladicta like the waves she would never see again save for in dreams.
“You been out a long time,” Carborundum-actually-Jade rumbled, moving towards the now very dishabille vampire with the unconcerned lumber of someone to whom vampires are not an issue as such.
“Ozzer an’ Tonker an’ Lofty an’ Shufti an’ Wazzer an’ dem wen’ to de Keep. Dey told me watch you. You been suckin’ dat coffee for a day now, easy,” the troll rumbled without any perceptible point of view on the to her girls’ activities or her own role in the whole mess, re; vampiresitting. Maladicta mewled, a low and desperate keening noise.
“No,” she protested, curling into herself, feeling a sickly pulse behind her eyes where more than half a year’s worth of memories were suddenly trying to fit themselves into the space allotted for mere hours, even if it was a large amount of hours.
“No, it wassssn’ a dream. Can’t bbbe. Isn’t.” Jade’s lichen rumpled in confusion.
“You were having de bad flashside, but de coffee knock you out of it ‘for you did any damages.” The coffee, Maladicta thought desperately through a haze of pain and severely mottled memories. Swires. Swires dropped the coffee. Vimes sent the coffe that Swires dropped. Who was Swires?
“Polly,” she said desperately, and struggled to standing, before her body, which was wildly off-center from all the cold bat and the immediate reintroduction of its drug and which was at odds with her mind which was going Where is my breath? Where are my lungs? Where is my heart? It’s there, but it isn’t beating. Why isn’t it beating, decided no, thank you, and she crashed lightly back down to her knees.
“No,” she gasped, or approximated a gasp, and rocked a little. “No, oh no, oh no.”
Jade was not smart, even by troll standards. She had no illusions she was. Nor was she particularly sympathetic- even by troll standards- or at least had no experience with sympathy. She was not sure what to do with the clearly unstable vampire in front of her. She thought of clubbing the corporal over the head. It would make things very easy.
Instead, she said, “So you a girl now too, huh? Dat’s fine. We wasn’t sure, I don’t think, but you’re acting it, now.”
Maladicta looked rather helplessly and blurrily up at the troll.
“What?” she said. “Yes,” she said, “yes I’m- yes. Yyyes bbbut that doesn’t meannn,” and then she dropped her head into her hands.
“We have ttto get to Kneck.” She had to get to Polly.
It wasn’t a flashside.
It couldn’t have been a flashside.
She thought of the boys with guns and close hair cuts, smoking and walking and sitting in the dark with her all those months ago, before she’d-
No, only hours, if so many hours, before.
Seven months in the blink of an eye. That hadn’t happened. A dream. A hallucination.
“Nnnnno,” she said at length, through her fangs. No. Not a flash side. It couldn’t have been a flash side.
Duchess. Nuggan. Gods. God. William, no. It couldn’t have been a flashside.
She discarded the shriveled and sucked at coffee sack and started at a dangerous, sideways sort of amble, half disappearing in and out of shadows, for the door, and Jade knuckled after her with no hesitancy but a certain degree of trepidation.