Long Night...

[disguisedtruth]

I stayed up last night talking to chris for a couple hours. We talkerd until four in the morning. It was a pretty interesting coonversation he asked me a bunch of questions, he asked me if I was a virgin? yes; how far i'd gone with someone?...; if i ever felt like kissing him? yes; how I felt about him?...; lol it was funny he had to answer all the dame questions so it was cool. he told me that yea he's felt like kissing me and that he's even felt like he's had an opportunity to kiss me... "in fact i've felt like i've had two" thats what he sayed lol. then he asked if i thought there would be more. lol. I asked him if he felt guilty because he liked me and he had his gurl. he sayed no because he hadn't done anything yet. he asked me i if i would feel guilty, i told him i didn't know maybe... because it was weird i mean it's hester's sister you know? and he sayed yeah he said that thats what scares him too he doesn't want her to find out then make shyt complicated between w/e. He sayed he wanted to see me, he invited me to the beach with him.. lol I told him that I doubted my mom would let me go with him to the beach. Everything is so weird with him it feels like his being sincere but it also feels like he just wants to mess around with me. I'm not sure whether or not i want to be in the middle of this shyt. I like the way he makes me feel though. it the way he looks at me, the way he hugs me, the way he smells my hair. his smile and his dorkiness, how he respects certain boundaries.

I was looking through this list that kari had me make of the "perfect" guy for me. and he fits everything on that list even the stupiddest thing. I asked why he liked me this was his answer "why not? your down as fuck and you're such a dork. i think it's the way you look at me there's something about it..." I wonder why such good things come to me in the worst times and worst ways. I feel so bad.