Alone and Helpless
This summer has been one of the worse. I feel extremely lonely and helpless. Since my dad lost his job money has been tight. Today I realized just how tight it is. Things are bad. My parents were talking about selling our house in about 6 months if things don't get better. My dad put are jet ski up for sale, I think just to have gas and food money. I have tried to get a job the last month or two, and no one wants to hire someone who will be leaving. I can't help out at all. I have nothing to do in the day, and no one to talk to. My two best friends are in bad places themselves, and there is nothing I can do for them either. I haven't cried in a while, but this is tearing me apart. I have no money to do anything, and no where to get money. I have no clue how I will even get books for next semester. I can't wait to go to school, but at the same time we can't afford it. I know I have almost always been fortunate enough to get whatever I wanted. I knew when my dad lost his job that things would be different, I didn't know things would get this bad this quick. No one calls me, so I never know what is going on in anyones life. The one person I still feel connected with, is far away and I fear to burden him with all of this. Dan is coming to Florida next week, and he is the only person that makes me happy lately. The problem is, with what he has to do, he probably won't get a chance to come to Tampa this time around and meet anyone. So I asked my mom if we would drive there and hang out there. She really wants to meet him, but told me today that she wasn't sure if we could afford gas. I'm not even embarrassed by all this, it just brakes my heart. I wish that I could do something, but I can't. My account is actually over withdrawn... I have no clue how the fuck that happened... and have no money to fix it. I can't even ask my parents for $5 for starbucks because I feel so guilty. All I want to do is smoke constantly because I'm so stressed, the problem is, I can't afford my habit. I know that people are so much worse off, and I know that things happen for a reason, and so on and so fourth but I can't help but crying myself to sleep every night. I can't help but feeling completely alone and helpless.