I haven't felt so dark in ages...
So it's been awhile since I've felt like dying. It's been awhile since I've written in this thing. I'm sure there's no correlation. scoff. I moved into my dorm yesterday and I've never felt so alone in my life. I love my roommate but it's still so far away from home. I had to say goodbye to my parents today and that was a lot harder than I ever expected. I CAN'T DO THIS. I"M NOT STRONG ENOUGH. I don't know anyone here. I miss skipster so much. She's my life and other half. My mom's sick again. We don't exactly know whats going on but it's not good. My fuckbuddy/ lover hates me right now because i'm suffocating even though I just bought him a 200 dollar plane ticket to come up here. My parents don't want me to come home and don't care that I'm miserable. I hate myself right now. I'm braking down. I'm not going to make it. I get no reception in my dorm which is FUCKING AWESOME. :) I'm so passed addiction to cigarettes. Brent and Matt can fucking die right now. Infact, almost 99% of people I know right now can die. Man it feels pretty good getting this off my chest. Why did i choose to go so far away? I can't handle this. I'm not strong enough. I think I will go undercover for a few days... underground in fact. Not answering phone calls or text messages. Just laying in a fetal position under blankets where no one can find me. I haven't been this lost and broken down in so long. But you know what they say, when it hits you, it hits FUCKING HARD. Which brings me to my fuck buddy. We have good sex. we have really good sex in fact. The problem is that... he's a cold hearted asshole who only cares about drugs. :) But besides that, he's perfect. A+ in my book. I should have pulled out before I developed feelings. I should have. I knew that from the beginning. DAMN IT. "why'd you have to be so cute? Impossible to ignore you..." FUCK HIM. oh wait. That's what i've been doing... which caused the problem in the first place. tehe. Life's ironic. Meaghan is just in love with brent... which wouldn't be so bad if he DIDN'T SUCK AT LIFE. And if Allie sends me another fucking random text about ALL the sororities that WANT HER. gag me with a fucking spoon. The only person that has always cared about me every since I've known her is skipster. I would do anything to be with her right now. Just to hug her and hold her and tell her how much she means to me. Because just words don't even begin. I hate it here. I hate the skanky hoes and the guys who think they're hotter than hot. BLAH. I want real people. I want my home. I want my family. But Rollingstone's say.. " you can't always get what you want". But why? Why can't you always get what you want? What harm does that do?