(no subject)
so yeah, i haven't updated for a while now. basically cause i'm lazy and i'm behind on my daily updates. i'd rather not expect myself to update every single day but i've done so for around 3 years now. hopefully i'll find some time to do so.
anyways, let's talk about tonight. i haven't had a rant in a long time. i remember a time when i used to post my emotions regularly on here. but recently, it's just been daily updates. i guess my journal is becoming a bit more impersonal. so yeah, it's good to be able to display my emotions once again. i was home alone and was a bit hungry. so i suggested we go out to denny's and get a bite to eat. so i got ready and waited for a while. then he came. things were going well. had fun. brought up the idea of watching a movie tonight. i knew he might like to see it as well cause he told me he thought about renting it a few days ago. he agreed and we decided just to get take out and eat at home while watching tv. he wasn't that hungry but offered to buy some food for us (moreso for me i guess). thank you.
after a while, we got the food and we went back to my place. then he told me he didn't feel like watching the movie anymore. out of nowhere. what i thought in my head was that if he didn't want to watch a movie, why not say so in the first place. why spring it out all of a sudden right outside my house. we could have eaten at the restaurant instead. what made it feel more disappointing was that i didn't like the idea of eating all that food by myself. of course i could have saved it for tomorrow but that's not the point. i wanted an evening with him since we don't even see each other as much anymore (due to school and work). i felt really let down. i know it's not that big of a deal to be mad about but to me, it really hurt. honestly, we're the kind of couple that don't really get into fights. and if we do, it's over stupid or trivial things. maybe this counts as one of them. but it still hurts. i don't want to be home alone watching a movie and eating by myself on a friday night. it's not what was planned. i got my hopes up for an engaging night and in the end, i wound up disappointed. if i knew this was gonna happen, i would have rather just ate something at home and chill like usual. but to plan something, get your hopes up, and wind up alone at the end of the night just plain sucks.
i'm not as mad as i was earlier. i guess i cooled off a bit. but what's done is done. i did end up watching the movie. by myself. i figured that since that was how the night was supposed to go, might as well go on with it. i ate the food. a whole lot of it. not with anyone but myself. there goes my food control for the night. =/. i'm almost done with the movie. it's actually pretty good. i could have enjoyed it more though. of course. but yeah, whatever. maybe i'm overreacting a bit too much. or maybe i'm not. whatever the case, i feel hurt and disappointed. i don't like feeling this way. i'm struggling with a few issues as it is. and this just makes me feel worse.
i'll get over it. i always do. tomorrow's another day ...